off loving sucks

[Shift Kitty]

nop
https://vndb.org/g752

[Ad Bot]

[DestroyerOfBlocks]

omfg...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztVMib1T4T4

[DestroyerOfBlocks]

i was gone for a while not due to any like good reason i was gifted civ 5 and all dlc by a very generous gytyyhgfffff and played that with a few dudes for like 50 hours in one week until everyone got bored due to losing to me because im the best. now im back baby partly due to guilt of being actually gifted things and then not reviewing them im sorry. heres out there somewhere. also ill play civ with people if you want.




out there somewhere

   out there somewhere is a platformer puzzle game with a background horizontal sidescrolling shootemup thing that doesnt really matter but has to be mentioned due to being the ultimate goal of the game or something but its pretty trivial. like look at the screenshot and tell me what part of that screams anything shootemup. shootemup is a pretty dumb genre name to type out by the way it feels so wrong on keyboard. the game plays sort of like portal in that you have to solve a bunch of puzzles with a gun thing that teleports you to wherever the bullet lands and carries momentum and stuff. its really an alright game except its basically a flash game i could find on kongregate in 5 minutes and play for free instead of paying $2 full price on steam for an hour of gameplay. i feel like i should add some sort of indicator not to buy it unless its on sale but i guess you can return it for full price if you really want to. i should test if i can return gifted products for free cash.

   as stated the way you progress through land of conspicuously placed walls and puzzles is via a teleport gun after you get your ship wrecked like a dumbass and land in some backwater jungle. so you go around collecting macguffin tubes that repair and power your ship so you can get back to the space shooter thing previously mentioned to kill the bad guy while also not dying of jungle things and traps placed by an eggman looking fellow who apparently is the evil ruler of this plot of jungle/planet. this is like genesis sonic eggman so he doesnt have any personality beyond being fat and riding a circular floating robot thing for the games only boss battle. anyway yeah you go forget around progressing and the game does progression by continuously adding new puzzle things that you have to avoid or kill instead of doing metroidvania powerups barring one time where you get a traditional bullet shooting gun. the puzzle progressions are pretty good and it introduces enough puzzle elements in its one hour run time to keep things constantly fresh although at the cost of not really exploring any of them. the game is pretty easy as checkpoints near any dangerous string of puzzles and instant respawning combine with the pretty basic puzzles means i pretty easily flowed through the game. dont get me wrong though flowing through the game isnt bad its just like only mildly interesting. like the game functions like a flash game in that the bare requirements for enjoyment tip precariously over the pit of boredom but never quite fall into it. none of the introduced puzzle elements are shown to be deep or require any sort of critical thinking further than stuff if i shoot enough telebullets at it ill get it eventually. the game just sort of happens. nothing is frustrating or interesting. if i was a richardhead id say it is an intentional statement and say the game is a masterpiece.

   as for the vertical sidescrolly shootyuppy thingy that i feel like i have to mention because that is what you are working to get back to its passable. like for a central element of the game it just flows like the rest of it. it just sort of happens and then its done and the combined segments are around 4 mins total of the hour of this game so whatever man. its the end goal but i dont think i really cared since it carries the difficulty over from the puzzles. im really only mentioning it because its the beginning and ending of the story like no one cares. not even the devs care because he knows no one cares. this would be a boring minigame in other better games. do people even do minigames anymore. i mean like other than warioware esque titles i know about those. this is really only its own paragraph because the other one was getting huge and i was having a formatting crCIA.

   the story and writing is similarly straightforward and vaguely compelling except its the story and writing in a game that uses it solely so you have some context for whats happening. no one really cares and the game acknowledges this by making it mostly humor although the jokes are like the rest of the game in that they exist. the story is you are space cop and have to stop anyone who violates the law and so you go out and do and get shot out of space because you suck sending you onto a planet which begins your journey. thats about as deep as it gets people. its not like any of this impacts the game in a significant way.

   theres two sort of areas for the graphics and those are cutscene graphics and ingame graphics. ingame graphics are what you see in the picture im showing here and its pretty generic pixel art that isnt spectacular but isnt stuff just like the rest of the game again wow what a surprise. cutscene graphics are anime as forget and are alright but get less screen time than the spaceship minigame thing. like i dont even care. its graphics as long as it isnt super stuff or super good does anything matter.  i mean obviously graphics matter they give the context needed but like okay. these exist.

   music is generic chiptune. its all standard and not memoerable just like the rest of the game ddddddddurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrr there it is again folks. its not bad its not good it just exists like i dont even care anymore. same with sound effects like god damn. nothing is memorable. this entire game is basically a flash game that you pay for.

   like the only reason i actually care about this game is that its $2 which is pretty ridiculous because free games have been better and it is actually an hour. like the game ends so abruptly that i thought there was some sort of additional ending or some stuff but there wasnt you seriously are just like done. like why. its not even bad but it isnt $2 quality. i dont understand. short review because short game that lacks depth.

essential games
bad tier
  yume nikki

unessential games
good tier
  profit motive

decent tier
  chrono trigger
  station 37
  skelemania
  the witch's house
  out there somewhere
  warhammer 40k dark nexus arena
  sluggish morss
  space funeral
  planetside 2
  mimicry man

mediocre tier
  ib
  space funeral: the legend of earth birth
  hylics
  mogeko castle

extremely unessential games
boring tier
  presentable liberty
  imscared (a pixelated nightmare?)
  spookys house of jump scares
  lieat
  ananke
  super columbine massacre rpg
  crypt worlds
  ao oni
  suits: a business rpg
  inflation quest
  stellar 2d

actually uses boredom as a game mechanic tier
  middens

furry tier
  major/minor
  space funeral 4

hell
worse than Riddler tier
  the gray garden

off tier
  off

worse than off tier
  wadanohara and the great blue sea

[Hansome duded]

Will you please review Earthbound? You did Chrono Trigger already <3

[DestroyerOfBlocks]

Will you please review Earthbound? You did Chrono Trigger already <3

yeah i got like 20 mins into it a while ago then stopped due to a variety of stuff so ill get back to it eventually

[DestroyerOfBlocks]

https://www.twitch.tv/offisbad

streaming stray cat crossing even though i got it before lieat because lieat will bore people to death

[DestroyerOfBlocks]

streams over spoiler it sucks

[Legodude77]

You should have a kickstarter/gofundme to raise money for a vr kit so that you can review crappy vr games.

[The Resonte!]

streams over spoiler it sucks

how could you reveal such an unexpected twist

[DestroyerOfBlocks]

look at that forgetin neck

   stray cat crossing

   i havent really gone into anything that considers itself actively art game for a while until i played this. stray cat crossing is a horror puzzle walking simulator made in rpgmaker about some bitch ass little girl stealing your scarf and running into a haunted house so you have to chase after her. like many games designed to be art first game second it sucks at being fun and no one cares about the art. and im not talking the game art as in the graphics we already know how those are im talking about the story or point or whatever the point of art is that the game tries to do. i dont know i guess its point is to convey emotions but it failed. i think the worst part about it is that it costs money when other walking simulators are both free and better although not much.

   for gameplay it is a walking simulator with the most basic of puzzle elements. as an rpgmaker game it has the obligatory large amount of walk up to a thing and press x on it puzzles except the game automates it slightly so it auto uses any item that can be used to solve a puzzle if you press x on the item insert instead of manually going through your inventory so it actually requires even less thought than other games although it is more convenient. other puzzles of the game usually combine the press x thing with some environmental change and theyre all piss easy too and i think theres only like 2 of these. the real kicker is one puzzle at the end but ill get to that once im done with the basics. in standard rpgmaker fashion you walk around a world divided into squares and you occupy one square at a time and have a sprint button and thats well and good but i dont know why you have a sprint button when there is 0 incentive to not have sprint continuously and the game doesnt really do anything with it barring one poorly done chase sequence. like why not just make sprint speed default speed and make the sprint key slow you down if you need to go slow i dont get it. for that puzzle i described as being a kicker the game requires you to replay the exact same part of the game multiple times and do things slightly differently each time which was huge fun when combined with this thrilling gameplay. this takes a large chunk of the games playtime which was like 2 hours so this is like 20 minutes of doing the same stuff repeatedly. that was clearly the worst puzzle in the game and is bad enough to be an outstanding mention because the game expects you to care about the developing story changes or some stuff that occur during the whatever but it was just awful. there was also one part where you had to select the right text options in order and do it for like 10 choices or it resets and the text scrolls slow as forget during this time which makes it annoying as balls. all the puzzles are either boring and irrelevant or suck.

  most of the game is just talking to people and walking around looking at stuff since there isnt a battle thing or anything else except bad puzzles. all of the characters barring you get at most 5 minutes of screen time and (not barring you) have one or no defining personality traits. like come on man why would you do this. obviously i remember none of the characters vividly so any sort of character review for individuals is out. the story is entirely uninteresting and just sort of manifests itself later in the game with no obvious connection to what was happening earlier. maybe the game is doing a diy story thing but i dont care enough to figure it out. i would call it pretentious but it feels like it lacks the magic pretentious spark off had so i dont know. i guess its pretentious. the story itself is also pretty stupid in concept like the main character goes into this haunted ass house that tried to kill her repeatedly because she didnt get her scarf back those other times and the ending has some plot holes like why was the car on fire. you would understand that if you played the game but dont. it was pretentious enough for me to read on the forum a what if it was all in a coma story though. at least the story wasnt like godawful or anything and actually had a reasonably easy to interpret ending. unlike off which was horse stuff. today someone actually typed off was good on the same server i was in and it was horrible.

   as for the horror i had to do a double check of things i had to write about when thinking of what to write about for this game because its just not there. i think the game forgot that it was horror after the second time go in the house like a dumbass because that was where the only part that if people said they were afraid of i wouldnt laugh at them. almost. the game is clearly going for some disney/alice in wonderland but scary stuff that would probably work if the game wasnt bad because it doesnt push the scary stuff enough. i mean it could work the theme itself wasnt bad but it just doesnt. it doesnt matter if it would though in case anyone thinks i add that to review score i stuff on planetside for not being what it could. at least this is less disappointing because it lacks potential entirely. as for the part 1 horror its mostly jump scares. woo. i dont actually have a problem with jump scares if they are used with taste but they arent they just like happen randomly in an attempt at what appears to be tension building. speaking of tension building im assuming thats what the rest of what the game is trying to do too but it just results in a bunch of ok that looks out of place moments instead of anything like oh stuff something might happen. probably because the player has meta knowledge nothing will happen to them and the game doesnt mix this up at all. if anyone reading this is doing a horror game you have to make the player feel like some stuff will happen to them by making it so stuff can happen to them. i don thtink its even possible to die here except in that one badly done chase scene

   you know the graphics werent actually that bad most of the time. it really wasnt i swear. no stop laughing guys im serious. there were some very obvious flaws but most of it was passable. maybe i just wasnt paying attention or something but it was alright with me. the walk cycle and talking portrait thing were constant reminders that all was not right in the world of graphcis in a game consisting mostly of walking and talking and jesus man were they something. i already talked about the games artstyle thing in the horror thing so whatever. they are graphics if the rest of the review didnt stop you from buying this the graphics part sure wont. pretty sure the graphics were actually the best part of the game which is saying something

   the music and stuff was mostly ambient and i dont feel like writing filler so it and the sound effects were all normal.

   pretty boring game overall i dont really have any advice for how it could be better except make the story better and realize that repeating the same actions 5 times for tidbits of a story that i dont care about isnt good gameplay. if anyone says they like this game just call it pretentious hipster bullstuff and them pretentious hipster bullstuff.

essential games
bad tier
  yume nikki

unessential games
good tier
  profit motive

decent tier
  chrono trigger
  station 37
  skelemania
  the witch's house
  out there somewhere
  warhammer 40k dark nexus arena
  sluggish morss
  space funeral
  planetside 2
  mimicry man

mediocre tier
  ib
  space funeral: the legend of earth birth
  hylics
  mogeko castle

extremely unessential games
boring tier
  presentable liberty
  imscared (a pixelated nightmare?)
  stray cat crossing
  spookys house of jump scares
  lieat
  ananke
  super columbine massacre rpg
  crypt worlds
  ao oni
  suits: a business rpg
  inflation quest
  stellar 2d

actually uses boredom as a game mechanic tier
  middens

furry tier
  major/minor
  space funeral 4

hell
worse than Riddler tier
  the gray garden

off tier
  off

worse than off tier
  wadanohara and the great blue sea

[The Resonte!]

i'm looking at the neck

[Shift Kitty]

hey guys

[Blocky943]

[Legodude77]

Copy that.

[WaterOre]

Copy that.