i could've became a repeat offender and pursued that twisted life but i made the choice not to and i will always respect myself for that, as well as anyone else who makes that same choice themselves. it's actually the only way i was able to fully learn the weight of my actions. i don't encourage anyone to go do the same obviously because in the end any CP you watch is indirectly (or directly) supporting and incentivizing the abuse of children. on top of that my take back in 2018 was really stuffty and i neglected to say the obvious- that the child is having their human rights violated and a large portion of their development hindered. it was personally hard to empathize with that aspect early on but it took a bit of time to sink in
i already understand the mistakes i made and why and because of that i try to get others (especially people who do not understand their own mistakes) to see what i saw and make a change for themselves.