Well, I tried to do it right and it came up with utter stuff.
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█
Item #: SCP-7-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7-J is to be kept in a Chicken-lined containment chamber located in Site - 15, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3 Doctor armed with Tissues.
In the event that SCP-7-J ever begins loving its Arse, Jack Robinson is to Fly SCP-7-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Echo-7 (''Adventure Time'') is to be dispatched to SCP-7-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-7-J is a Big Dog. Like most members of its species, it is able to Run Table, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Chicken each day.
SCP-7-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with computer, which causes it to turn into Keyboard. Whenever this happens, all Bones within a 44 kilometer radius will begin to Eat uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Robby Williams. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-7-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-7-J was first located in Nickleville where the Miami Dolphins were using it in order to Get back in the kitchen. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Echo-7 (''Adventure Time'') was able to recover the object with only 10056 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 7-1
Dr. Riddler: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Riddler, and I am about to test SCP-7's reaction to Chair. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Nixon?
Dr. Nixon: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Riddler: Excellent! I am now introducing the Chair to 7... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Nixon: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Riddler: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN snake! IT'S GOT MEIN snake! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident 7-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█