In heart of recent events that have occurred with a few good friends of mine I'm going to make a little thread dedicated to relationships. Here are some rules that are specific to love at your specific age. These steps will be directed to any of the ages listed on these forums. I may not be an "expert relationship master" but I have learned how my heart works inside and out and I'm willing to help out with anyone.
Ages 8-14
1. Don't expect much
You're young. Don't expect marriage, don't expect makeout sessions behind the portables at school and don't expect love. Most of all, don't expect a relationship, to be honest. This is the prime time in your life where you're busy having fun as a kid and not worrying about bigger stuff. If you have an idea that you're going to get some serious "head" at this age you're getting way to ahead of yourself. You're (probably) not even pubescent yet and you need to understand that relationships at this age will probably be short, sweet, and all about good friendship. More or less, this is still around the age where dating can either seriously mean a relationship or simply a community status to make you and your friend look cool. Try to avoid your head and listen to your heart (which I will explain in the next step).
2. Wrap your head around your heart
Your brain may tell you lots of things. You may want someone out of looks, out of them being the prettiest girl at school, or just because you like their hair/eyes/makeup. These are all natural thoughts of course but you also need to keep in mind what your heart feels. Getting to know a girl/guy as a friend is a prime way of starting to understand your feelings for someone. If you begin to feel like you desperately want to hang out with someone more than you can imagine, that's your heart. If you feel like, in the event that they leave for a long time, you're going to die without them, then you definitely have strong feelings for this person. Now, this all could simply mean one really awesome friendship, but when it comes to the opposite love (or in an LGBT case, it's a little different) you really gotta wrap your brain around what your heart is telling you. At this point you need to look at small independent signs of romantic feelings such as wanting to hug said person more than you regularly would want to. One other great sign is that while hugging, if you get to a point where your hugs are tight, strong and you don't want to let go, it's usually a sign of affection in a romantic aim.
3. Don't get your heart broken and Hold on to those you love
Girls at this age really can't do much damage. Usually they just call names and pick fun, but if you really feel strong for someone and you've understood what your heart wants, be careful. If you start noticing signs of her going for someone else, take it as a sign of exploration and don't intervene. If you try to stop someone you love from looking for another relationship you're gonna have a bad time. This is the prime time for your said significant opposite to tell you how they don't need you, that you're intervening and you're causing problems. This not only can break your heart but it can also destroy your friendship with this person. Let your significant other explore - and let yourself do it too, if you feel you must. Do not feel limited to one person. This age is perfect for exploration and understanding how your chest organs work when it comes to affection. More than anything, though, be there for eachother. If she breaks up with her boyfriend, help her. Support her, because this will pay off in the end more than forgetin' ever.
Here's why: You hold on to good friends from grade school, later on you might just have a better chance at finding the one for you. Later on in high school you might end up dating this person or possibly later on in life you might end up wanting to spend the rest of your life with him or her. When it comes to good people like this do not cut off contact because these people can mean the world to you later in your life.
Ages 15-17
This is where stuff gets real.
1. Explore, explore explore
Wondering why you don't have a girlfriend? Get outside. Go places. Be adventurous. The next thing you know you might end up meeting some pretty girl/cute guy at Wendy's who might just click with you. The only way you're going to find a relationship with someone is if you have the ability to go and see people regularly.
Do not limit yourself to one person that you've been dwelling on. If things aren't getting better with said person and it's just stuffty, don't waste your heart over this person because 90% chance they won't want you for much longer. Get out quick, and look around some more. This is another primetime for exploration and for finding someone to love, not just for a quick moment, but possibly even for later life.
High school relationships are not expected to go on forever. In fact, most of them end at some point or another. There is still the small chance that you may find the one person you're going to spend your life with, but do not expect that person to be sitting next to you in Biology class - wait until later life to figure this one out. For now, explore.
2. Fighting, parental situations and love
Like all relationships fighting is natural. It is simply a way for two people to understand their differences. No two people are alike, and despite you and your lover to be "identical", you're not. You might find out that one day she thinks vanilla pudding is better than chocolate. Or maybe, that love should wait until after marriage. You and your significant other will fight alot during this age, usually about once every one or two weeks. It will sometimes end up causing the female to cry, or sometimes - rarely - the male to cry. Crying is just one way of releasing negative emotions and it does help you overcome your problems and will help you, so don't be afraid to if you're feeling like stuff. Just don't blubber or you'll worry your parents.
If you're fighting more than three times a week stuff's not working. If it's ending up in tears, threats to break up, or becoming violent, you need to get out FAST. Fighting may be a good thing but it has to be controlled. Do not try sit and dwell on a relationship like this because you might seriously do damage to you and said person, as well as your family and his or her's. If you feel like you need a "break" (staying out of contact for a few weeks or a month) it's worth a try. When you get back, if you feel happy to see your lover again and you're excited and missed them, things might work out. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from what made you fight and learn to stop it or control it. If when you get back, you feel stuffty and you feel trapped, you know what to do.
When it comes to parents, one of the things I have learned is to not disrespect their rules. If their parents aren't comfortable with you making out on the couch or sucking faces in front of them, don't do it. Don't call her house at 3 AM. Don't make her cry in front of them. Respect them and understand that they still have control of your lover and they can and will take him or her away from you if they feel they must. Be respectful, be polite. If it involves religion, don't burst your own bubble and start calling yourself a Muslim, just respect their doings and their beliefs and if they're saying prayers at dinner, join them.
Now, here's a cheat code. Most parents at one point will ask you what your future plans are. This is a huge important step in a relationship because if you feel you're going to spend a long time with this person you need his or her parents to be completely comfortable with you. If you go telling them that you want to live life on the range, in a trailer on the road with your lover, they're probably going to think you're a twat. At this age you probably don't know what you want to do in the future (for sure at least) so even if you say what you truly want to do, you might just end up lying to yourself, and the parents. Instead, say something like "I'm going to university to study microbiology and chemestry" or something really loving smart like that, so her parents will be piss happy to have some smart, success-aimed guy/girl dating their daughter/son. Don't ever think that you're going to be a hobo in the future. You WILL turn out successful, you're smart people if you've ended up here reading this. Even if you don't turn out to be a microbiologist, you'll still be successful and in the end his or her parents will be a lot happier that you still became successful instead of having doubts at an early stage.
Now, on to love.
Don't have it if you're not ready. Honestly, love is such a huge and gruesome step in life and you really don't want to waste your virginity on some stupid bimbo who's just in it for simply that. If you're not comfortable and you feel overly too nervous to do it, don't. Do not force yourself to look cool. Don't do it just for pleasure. If you really feel that you're ready and your significant other is too, take it slowly and experiment with each other's bodies first. Get to know them like a road map. Don't jump right into love because you may end up grossing yourself out. Take everything very slowly and of course, when ready, use a condom. Don't be a loving idiot.
As for the event of not having love - masturbate. It's good for you and it will keep your hormones from lashing out. At this age puberty is new and exciting, and it'll help you a lot.
3. Break ups
Breaking up sucks huge smelly balls. It hurts, it's sticky and it makes a mess of any guy or girl. Breakups also help you learn from your mistakes. Don't feel like you're never going to break up with someone, but also do not feel like there is no point to the relationship if you're just going to break up. The point of this age is to try - think of it as a relationship that just might work. Be prepared for the worst if it happens but don't expect it in the end. When it does, don't freak out. Accept what he or she wants and take it as it goes. You might lose a friend but you won't lose yourself. Sometimes, you might even keep a friend. Everything might just work out in the end. Who knows, time will tell.
In the event that you're breaking up with someone, you already know what your heart wants. Just remember to be gentle. Do not insult them. Do not avoid them or lead them on. Most of all, DO NOT CHEAT. Cheating is the most disgusting thing that one can do in a relationship and it feel like stuff to someone. If you're falling for someone else, break up with your current relationship first. Don't be a richard or I'll punch you in the vagina.
Ages 17, 18 - 20 and beyond: Coming momentarily while I give my fingers a break
In the mean time, discuss relationships. If you need to talk there are multiple people on the forums who know what to do and how things work. G'head, don't be shy.
