spookys house of jump scares
spookys house of jump scares is a horror game where you play as some dumb motherforgeter who thought it was a good idea to go in the haunted house no one knows about just to figure out whats up and surprise you get trapped with monsters trying to rip your richard off and a dead ass ghost named spooky who is a giant rooster about the whole thing. to actually leave caspers ghostly stuffheap you have to drag yourself through a thousand rooms and i mean drag because you will want to quit midway as quality does not vary heavily from garbage although you might slip into rotting garbage tier or maybe a coma if you are lucky. nothing in this game is entertaining or terrifying at all except the titular jump scares which arent actually scary but the shock instinct dumps just enough adrenaline into your system to save you from a mercy killing following bad game induced vegetation. what a shame. the only reason to ever march through this brown town smear is to enlighten the masses on why not to play it. unless you absolutely flip stuff at anything close to the definition of horror this game is not for you.
wow this game plays like stuff. on a technical level i guess its sound and you can move and dont glitch the forget out like some other games so congrats it barely hit industry standard. actual problems come in with gameplay because i hope you think walking forward for 3.8 out of 4 hours sounds pretty baller because that is everything those hours will offer as well as pressing the door opening key of your choice one thousand times. and no i am not saying that there isnt other stuff going on while you are playing door simulator im saying that that is the answer to basically all of your problems in this game. oh stuff a monster popped out and is ready to roll down your block and forget up your entire life what do you do heres a hint just loving go through the door. if i was your doctor and you had oh forget i forgot how to progress through the game i would highly recommend opening doors. there is no problem you cannot overcome by opening doors and that actually becomes a problem when you dont feel like opening more doors because progressing through the game feels like progressing through the no mans lands of the first world war except you wont explode. whenever you open a door there is a room and more doors and after a quick sprint to the door you enter another door and you repeat this process with some variation on room design but almost all of them are just quick sprints to the next door followed by a press of e. monsters cant even catch your ass because you have a sprint bar thing which makes you run like the kenyans and although it is limited it regens slowly over time and fully once you open a door because doors are magic and stuff and conveniently you have just enough sprint to get to the end of most rooms to the door which greatly decreases game length and is my personal favorite feature because it means i had to play less of this.
there are some rooms that do not bow to the might of door opening immediately and those are special rooms that pop up at specific room numbers over the course of the game. when you get to these special room stuffs suddenly the scenery changes to a different horror thing that varies in theme with the constant being my apathy for all of them. these trash heaps are made apart from their standard normal hallway brethren by being lengthy and making the player solve simple puzzles which i dont really care about this isnt a puzzle game but it would have been nice since the devs dropped every ball when it came to gameplay but alas all you do is go look for a key and that opens a new door and probably triggers a monster attack or the special rooms gimmick which no one cares about since all that does is means you have to pick up more keys. the main purpose of special rooms is to introduce the monster of the day which begins to try to kill you after you solve the puzzle or the gimmick wills it into being. then usually you get your ass out of dodge into the door to the endless other doors that was locked but you picked up the key for right before the monster popped out every time. then the monster usually follows you for like 15-25 doors and forgets off after because it realized it was not going to catch you due to being slow as stuff while you are kissing cousins with the flash. you are forced into these rooms for i wont spoiler amount times usually theres like 1-2 between every hundred floors so have fun with that or dont because it sucks and it feels like every other part of the game was filler that was supposed to lead up to these except this is marginally less worse than normal rooms. monsters themselves are all underwhelming and slow not scary abortions who are all variants of anything in any game that has ever run at you trying to damage you via touch. instead all of these things do the aforementioned but with a twist that goes from doing jack stuff to being loving annoying. even with each monsters special surprise you wont die to any of them because chances are you have memorized all of the random room layouts which arent true random theres like 20 they swap around so you could find the loving doors in your sleep which wasnt hard in the first place but even if you dont its not hard unless the game puts you in a scenario where you are getting an unavoidable ass spanking because the path broke off in two and there is no possible way to know which one has the door or not but even then you can probably sprint past back to the right way because you have enough hit points to take like 3 hits from each and hp regens. monsters pop back up sometimes when you are traversing normal halls just to forget with you and they cant kill you there either because they move at the same snails pace so its just more annoyance to deal with.
all of the monsters wouldnt be annoying to deal with if i was actually scared of any of them though which surprise im not but bigger surprise this applies to the rest of the game. nothing in this game is scary barring the initial jump shock from stuff appearing which actually makes the cardboard cutout cute monsters the scariest thing in the game as it exists to parody jumpscare tactics from other arguably worse horror games via having little monster stuffs drawn in the style of spooky pop out at you and make a loud noise and thats pretty forgetin sad when the rest of your game loses to that on the scare meter. none of the monsters look scary or act scary. they all follow the same pattern of chasing the player combined with gimmick and do not vary in behavior or tactics so you can outrun all of them for the entire game. there is no suspense or tension when these supposed murder machines lose to the might of two functional legs every time. none of the environments invoke fear. for most of the game you are wandering through almost identical hallways with slight texture changes every hundred floor or so. sometimes you get special rooms which try to hype up the new monster which acts exactly like the old monsters by changing the scenery and letting you read notes npcs wrote about how scary it is while solving a puzzle and listening to creepy ambience so when it eventually pops out its like ahh oh stuff a monster oh wait i can walk away from it. again. repeat ad infinitum. the music is probably the only thing that keeps any air of horror within this game and that only goes for the ambient tracks and thats probably because im a massive pusillanimous individual. they do the whole creepy atmosphere with some clanging stuff in the background thing that like every horror game does and it works just like in every horror game because as stated i am incapable of handing horror well. that all goes to stuff when a monster is chasing you and it switches to chase theme which is generally something upbeat that i guess was supposed to sound scary but doesnt and mostly serves as an indicator for when the monster forgets off because the theme ends when it realizes the futility of resisting your locomotion. and as long as we arent playing spookys rhythm game of jump scares just some scary tracks wont be able to pull it out of boring game hell where it will forever be chased by monsters it will easily run away from but dont go away. hows that for horror.
i feel compelled to do a write up about the graphics even though they are nothing special but every other review does it and they sort of work against the game. the monsters retain their long tradition of being not scary by also looking not scary. this game takes a doom esque approach to drawing monster things in that they snap to like four corners and i dont know who decided to put that in a horror game like it was a horror game like for real it looks like someone reenacted that one episode of spongebob where they found a pencil except they just drew all the monsters for this game. the monster sprites themselves are also forgettable and actually look less intimidating than doom monsters if we are going there still because i dont know i guess someone forgot how to make scary art on the dev team. all of the normal rooms just palette swap different version of brick layering every hundred or so floors and they are all not scary because forget me it looks like they could cosplay brick walls found in every other cutsey retro game ever so imagine mario with these bricks and imagine making mario a horror game hey look you forgetin cant or at least you cant the way these guys did it. the special rooms are thankfully different and because they are themed they look like they were actually styled for a horror game and sort of help break up the monotony but not really since its key o clock once up in that stuff. special rooms are all based on various horror cliches including one that looks like it was directly ripped from resident evil and one that was actually ripped from amnesia aesthetically mechanically except less threatening because the game sucks. nothing else is really stand out about the graphics other than this one room which is like a community throwback or something because it has like three hung small hung portraits of lets players and that actually pissed me off not because of lets players go ahead throw them a bone giving back is good but because of how much of a break there is between retro style pixel art and pictures of actual people being hung up on a wall. it just threw me off greatly so forget that it may not throw you off but i am god and my will is law so now if you go back and play it its ruined for you. they should have put it somewhere obscure like an easter egg or some stuff but i guess it was supposed to be easy to find for other people lping this stuff but i hope no one lps this stuff because it sucks.
music is ok as stated no track is really terrible and some of the monster themes would be enjoyable if this wasnt a horror game and there are no intrusive sound effects that break anything up so good for them.
just avoid this game its bad play something better and i would recommend a different game except i dont actually play horror games and am a giant pusillanimous individual but even someone like me finds this not scary so you really shouldnt be playing this game.
now i can post this stuff on the steam review which if you liked you can forgetin vote up
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this is a review beating mine
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