So I came up with this a long while back after observing certain people both in person and online.
The relevance interjection process, for handicaps to seem relevant in conversations they are not a member of
(thereby ruining the entertainment value of the conversation).
Disclaimer: Not referring to actual mentally disabled folk, just the normal people who are so stupid we call them handicaps.
To attempt, find a conversation which two or more people are having about something you have a faint idea about.
1. Interject by contradicting a statement in the conversation, thereby garnering attention. Do not care whether this statement is wrong.
In the event that the statement is wrong, which is almost a certainty, you will either be ignored, if so repeat step 1, or a member of the conversation will attempt to correct you.
2. Argue your point to the best of your abilities using what limited knowledge you have of the thing you decided to interject. You will inevitably be defeated by the people who actually know what they were talking about.
3. Defend your statement by redefining it multiple times even if it is no longer relevant to the conversation, thereby tripping up the logic of people trying to correct your interruption. Use ‘No, I mean…’ repeatedly to accomplish this. They will either give up, or have the logical skill to thwart you.
4. When it is painfully obvious that you were wrong from the start and had no idea what you were talking about, either
(a) Shrug, turn away and deflect blame and attention by stating that your point came from another source and was not yours to begin with.
(b) Openly admit ignorance with loud statements of “I don’t know! I don’t know anything!” or some other denial.
(c) Stubbornly insist on your point and leave the conversation.
When this is over, the conversation will have been thoroughly derailed, and the original topic and humor inherent will have been lost. Move to another group of people having another conversation and repeat.
If any of this seems in similar to how people around you have behaved, congratulations! You have witnessed a real life not-actual-handicap-but-worse person in your very own life!
If this process reflects your behavior, please find the nearest barbed wire fence and rub your mouth and hands across it, ensuring that you can no longer publish your opinions through speech or writing ever again.
