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Creativity / Overclocked- Book
« on: October 19, 2010, 09:29:14 PM »
Ok, so I want to try my hand at writing a book. Constructive criticism welcome.
The room was very dark. Almost too dark for her liking. She had never liked these missions, too dark. Too dangerous. Anything could come out at any moment.
Magnus stopped walking and looked around, trying to see. Her eyes had not yet adjusted to the darkness and the strain was giving her a headache.
*Crack*
Magnus whipped around, trying her best to locate the source of the sound. Without her suit, it was very difficult...
*Crunch*
Now! Magnus pulled out her weapon and began shooting in an upward arc, following the disturbance of air. Above, around... She was running out of ammo. 5, 4, 3...
Magnus was suddenly knocked over by an incredible force, knocking the breath out of her. She instinctively rolled to get free. The creature sounded puzzle, and Magnus took her chance. She charged up one shot... and fired it.
The area around the energy bolt was illuminated and the creature was easily seen for a brief moment. It was large and should've killed Magnus. The beast gave a loud screech and fell over, dead.
Then came the bright lights. The arena was now clearly seen for a few moments. Then it vanished as if it was never there. Same with the "dead creature". They all shimmered and then vanished. Magnus forgot these events, wanting to move on.
"Well done, Magnus."
Magnus looked up at an observatory room. It was a large window, but very thick. Magnus already knew that it was virtually unbreakable, she had been slammed into it before. It hurt badly. Inside the room were five people, four of them sitting. The only one standing was focused on Magnus, his arms folded and he was maintaining a static pose. He was wearing a commander's uniform, normal for a ship captain in the Zero Hour fleet. His name was Pryce and he was the commander of the ZHR:E-SERENITY-6725.
"You can come out now," he said. His voice was clearly hear in the training room, thanks to speakers cleverly hidden in the room.
Magnus looked down and watched a neatly hidden door reveal itself and open. Magnus took one last glance up and walked out.
•◘•
Magnus was now standing in command, watching the view screen and not paying much attention to anything else. She had finished her tasks and didn't have much else to do but walk around, patrol, or sleep. Magnus heard the door open behind her and turned around to see her friend Vectra walking towards her.
"So I heard you passed the test," she said quietly, not looking at Magnus.
Magnus looked at her. Vectra was much higher rank than her and was much older. She was also her commanding officer. "It's not really a test. It was just training," Magnus replied, shrugging. She looked back at the view screen.
"You don't like the dark rooms."
Magnus blinked and was quiet for a moment. "Well... it's just so much of a strain for me to adjust..." Her voice trailed off as Vectra motioned for silence.
"Follow me," she said, though it was more than likely and order.
Magnus followed Vectra to the Science lab on Tier Seven, where she received a small surprise.
"This," Vectra said, gesturing to an on-screen display of some sort of armor, "Is the KES."
Magnus looked at it, admiring the complexity of the suit. "What does it do?" she asked.
Vectra turned to face Magnus. "Kkryonitte Enhancement Suit," she said. "It is based off of the newly discovered mineral, Kkryonitte, because of it's high energy value."
Magnus blinked and stared at the KES. It was incredible... Then she wondered what this Kkryonitte was. Reflecting on her past, Magnus took a guess. "Kkryonitte is the stuff formed fron the Void, right?"
Vectra nodded. "Yes. We picked up a few traces of Kkryonitte on you when we recovered you after the crash. It's source is on Zaa Prime," Vectra replied.
Magnus shuddered at the memory. She didn't want to remember it. "Zaa Prime is in the Zaa system, right?" she asked, wanting to move on.
Again, Vectra nodded. "In the Aza Galaxy."
"We're already in that galaxy."
"But not the system. We're in Zeta-1, remember? Terren."
Magnus turned to face Vectra. "Then if the Void occured here, then how'd Kkryonitte get to Zaa Prime?"
Vectra shook her head and shrugged, turning back to the screen. "We don't know. But take the suit."
Magnus sighed. She didn't like being the prototype tester, but she was still a low-rank officer. At least it was interesting. Magnus looked back at the screen and nodded. "Allright," she finally agreed.
"Good."
Moar coming tomorrow, maybe. Depends on what you guys think of this.
The room was very dark. Almost too dark for her liking. She had never liked these missions, too dark. Too dangerous. Anything could come out at any moment.
Magnus stopped walking and looked around, trying to see. Her eyes had not yet adjusted to the darkness and the strain was giving her a headache.
*Crack*
Magnus whipped around, trying her best to locate the source of the sound. Without her suit, it was very difficult...
*Crunch*
Now! Magnus pulled out her weapon and began shooting in an upward arc, following the disturbance of air. Above, around... She was running out of ammo. 5, 4, 3...
Magnus was suddenly knocked over by an incredible force, knocking the breath out of her. She instinctively rolled to get free. The creature sounded puzzle, and Magnus took her chance. She charged up one shot... and fired it.
The area around the energy bolt was illuminated and the creature was easily seen for a brief moment. It was large and should've killed Magnus. The beast gave a loud screech and fell over, dead.
Then came the bright lights. The arena was now clearly seen for a few moments. Then it vanished as if it was never there. Same with the "dead creature". They all shimmered and then vanished. Magnus forgot these events, wanting to move on.
"Well done, Magnus."
Magnus looked up at an observatory room. It was a large window, but very thick. Magnus already knew that it was virtually unbreakable, she had been slammed into it before. It hurt badly. Inside the room were five people, four of them sitting. The only one standing was focused on Magnus, his arms folded and he was maintaining a static pose. He was wearing a commander's uniform, normal for a ship captain in the Zero Hour fleet. His name was Pryce and he was the commander of the ZHR:E-SERENITY-6725.
"You can come out now," he said. His voice was clearly hear in the training room, thanks to speakers cleverly hidden in the room.
Magnus looked down and watched a neatly hidden door reveal itself and open. Magnus took one last glance up and walked out.
•◘•
Magnus was now standing in command, watching the view screen and not paying much attention to anything else. She had finished her tasks and didn't have much else to do but walk around, patrol, or sleep. Magnus heard the door open behind her and turned around to see her friend Vectra walking towards her.
"So I heard you passed the test," she said quietly, not looking at Magnus.
Magnus looked at her. Vectra was much higher rank than her and was much older. She was also her commanding officer. "It's not really a test. It was just training," Magnus replied, shrugging. She looked back at the view screen.
"You don't like the dark rooms."
Magnus blinked and was quiet for a moment. "Well... it's just so much of a strain for me to adjust..." Her voice trailed off as Vectra motioned for silence.
"Follow me," she said, though it was more than likely and order.
Magnus followed Vectra to the Science lab on Tier Seven, where she received a small surprise.
"This," Vectra said, gesturing to an on-screen display of some sort of armor, "Is the KES."
Magnus looked at it, admiring the complexity of the suit. "What does it do?" she asked.
Vectra turned to face Magnus. "Kkryonitte Enhancement Suit," she said. "It is based off of the newly discovered mineral, Kkryonitte, because of it's high energy value."
Magnus blinked and stared at the KES. It was incredible... Then she wondered what this Kkryonitte was. Reflecting on her past, Magnus took a guess. "Kkryonitte is the stuff formed fron the Void, right?"
Vectra nodded. "Yes. We picked up a few traces of Kkryonitte on you when we recovered you after the crash. It's source is on Zaa Prime," Vectra replied.
Magnus shuddered at the memory. She didn't want to remember it. "Zaa Prime is in the Zaa system, right?" she asked, wanting to move on.
Again, Vectra nodded. "In the Aza Galaxy."
"We're already in that galaxy."
"But not the system. We're in Zeta-1, remember? Terren."
Magnus turned to face Vectra. "Then if the Void occured here, then how'd Kkryonitte get to Zaa Prime?"
Vectra shook her head and shrugged, turning back to the screen. "We don't know. But take the suit."
Magnus sighed. She didn't like being the prototype tester, but she was still a low-rank officer. At least it was interesting. Magnus looked back at the screen and nodded. "Allright," she finally agreed.
"Good."
Moar coming tomorrow, maybe. Depends on what you guys think of this.