So today I was living my life as normal and suddenly I noticed I have a severe medical problem. I'm coughing up blood, my fingernails are falling off, and my arm is getting scaly.
I also got a cold, and my nose is bleeding, and it wont clot. I feel faint, and I think taking 14 Tylenol and 27 ibuprofens (plus a flintstones vitamin) was a bad idea.
Now, I know there are a lot of people on this forum, one of you should know what is going on. I tried to lynch the sickness away by cutting the arteries in my wrists but now I can't move my hands and to resort to spelling this through Siri, who has a hard time understanding my slurred speech as my teeth fell out. Since my fingers stopped functioning I can't use my phone other than speaking to it, and Siri keeps adding all the numbers together when I call my mom 4 hours away to ask what I should do.
Now you guys must be thinking, "wow this guy has it rough". but that isn't half the story. My legs fell off so I can't walk over to my wheelchair to roll over to my lifealert watch I left on the counter. So I'm in a really big pickle here guys. One of you must know what I should do.
I genuinely think I'm going to die. Help me forums, what the hell do I do???? I need to hurry before the bones fall out of my stumps.