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« on: July 28, 2014, 02:00:28 PM »
CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█
Item #: SCP-1-J
Object Class: John
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1-J is to be kept in a John-lined containment chamber located in John, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 John armed with John.
In the event that SCP-1-J ever begins John its John, John is to John SCP-1-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force John-7 (''John'') is to be dispatched to SCP-1-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-1-J is a John John. Like most members of its species, it is able to John, and regularly eats twice its own weight in John each day.
SCP-1-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with John, which causes it to turn into John. Whenever this happens, all John within a 2 kilometer radius will begin to John uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to John. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-1-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-1-J was first located in John where the John were using it in order to John every Johning word. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force John-7 (''John'') was able to recover the object with only 1000 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 1-1
Dr. John: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr John, and I am about to test SCP-1's reaction to John. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr John?
Dr. John: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. John: Excellent! I am now introducing the John to 1... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. John: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
John: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN John! IT'S GOT MEIN John! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident 1-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█
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