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« on: November 24, 2015, 05:13:30 PM »
So I've been dealing with some social issues, at the moment. I would request some help on how my life's been going.
As a basis, I'm going to say that I go to a really small school, of about 60 - 70 kids, each of which have an IQ of 120+ (so you can tell that they're pretty smart, able to comphrehend situations with ease, and generally a lot nicer to others than compared schools). At said school, I am quite well known for my typical, extroverted attitude and being able to get in front of audiences and "perform" with people generally either cheering me on, or just being happy in the meantime. I loved doing this, and everyone in the school seemed pretty okay with me - I was generally happy, others were pretty happy at the same time.
Recently, more and more teachers have restricted kids from being more "excited" and "extroverted," and while I admit I was being quite loud for the time being, most of us were quite quiet in the classrooms, and each did our own work. However, they started restricting more in the recess and lunch hours, with the concept: "We need to keep you guys under control". Now, I understand that a lot of us (including me) were starting to get quite out of hand - kids would completely freak out during certain hours of the day (not in like a spasm, but just really hyper) and some would break items within the school, or screw around with things they weren't supposed to. After a while, though, these behaviors started to calm down, with kids listening to the teachers, and understanding their reasoning for why they were restricting them. And that's fine - kids (again, including me) were starting to go a little overboard.
However, when things started to calm down, the teachers started getting more and more strict, restricting several things that, from my standpoint, could've easily be fixed with warnings and single punishments, instead of restricting them from the whole school - which was exactly what they did. At first, it was the podium (since it's such a small school, it's formatted more like a theatre room with classrooms to the side) where kids used to hang out generally, and the teachers (and some kids from clubs) stood on to make announcements. Now this sucked - mainly because some kids would try to hold clubs up there - which worked phenominally, until they forced us to stay down.
Next, was a tiny school kitchen. Even though it's a small school, we had a kitchen for everyone, mainly with microwaves to heat up food, or to use for science (as the classrooms are tiny, and doing science in them is more likely to start a fire than anything). The kitchen is allowed for science, still, but kids would also hang out there to eat lunch, or make some hot chocolate (as it's getting cold outside). Now, kids sometimes left dishes in the sink, but after it happened twice, the administration completely freaked out and banned the kitchen from everyone. Boom, just like that. Kids were pissed, but the teachers couldn't just punish the 2-3 kids who did it, but they had to ban it from everyone.
Lastly, this is freshman year of high school, and the teachers have been giving homework like crazy. There is, and I garuntee you, at least three hours of homework per night, most of which is busywork (for example, one teacher gave out a super long project that was due in a week that made kids look through obituary databases to find migration patterns - which made no sense in correlation to the class). Kids, at the start of the year, started challenging this type of homework - as it made no sense. Kids started talking about being stressed, and killing themselves, and several went to the counselor about not having time, their parents threatening to beat them, kick them out of school and put them into public school. How did the counselor and principle respond? They said kids were just "procrastinating too much" and "need to manage their time better". I'm aware that I procrastinate from time to time, but the problem was that most of the time, kids literally did not have time to do all their work.
From that, kids started to fall into a perpetual state of depression - everyone was depressed. I tried to stay happy, but almost every student was worn out, burned out not even halfway through freshman year.
And that's where I'm having problems - I've started to feel greatly depressed from school and everyone around me. I've not been as happy around other people, and several of my friends have started to leave me, others getting upset at me for being depressed, thinking that as the kind of person I was at the start of the year, I should be more greatful and happy about life. Others commented on how I should be more confident, and if I can't, I should at least fake it. I admit that I'm not the best person ever, and I admit that I should act at least a little more happy, but I can't.
I've tried talking to people about it, but they all seem unhappy to hear from me, I'm starting to get the notion that I'm bugging people all the time - and I've tried asking some people, where they've just started to give the response, over time, that "It bugs me when you ask". So now, I just feel like I have nobody to go to, as I just feel like I'm always pissing everyone off, and I lost several friends in the process. Some people still tell me that they like me, and consider me a good friend but whenever they start a social event, they'll invite half of the school, but I'll never be invited. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I feel completely left out, and I have nothing to do about it, because I don't want to be the kind of person who's like "ooh, invite me!" to everything.
Lastly, I finally came out as gay to multiple people (yes I know, I'm gay, I'm really sorry) because, well, I'm gay and I trust them about it, since half of them were gay themselves, I asked for some advice. However, the one person who wasn't gay, that I came out to, seems to be avoiding me at all costs, and I feel terrible - as I considered him a good friend, and we use to talk to each other all the time, but he doesn't seem like he wants to interact with me. Sure, I can understand on a basic level, being creeped out - I know straight guys don't want to be hit on, obviously, and I wouldn't, ever - but avoiding me entirely seems like he just either didn't like me in the first place, or he just doesn't want to be around someone gay. I know it's my fault for saying anything in the first place, and it's really selfish of me, but I just feel like I fell into a pit I can't get out of.
And I don't want to talk about it to my parents or counselor, either, as my parents don't really like gay people (they've said multiple times I don't want a gay kid, I hope you aren't gay, things along those lines) and I'm worried I'll disappoint them or come off as a total idiot who's caring way too much about stupid stuff to them. I don't want to lose the respect of my counselor, either.
I would like to ask for some advice on what I described here - am I being too egotistical of myself, thinking into things that matter way too little to care for? Do I have the right to be depressed, or am I just getting sad over nothing? What should I do about being gay, and how should I act in relation too it? Any other advice?
Thanks for reading, hope I didn't come off as too much of a prick.
tl;dr: i'm having problems in school with people, i'm gay
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