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« on: December 07, 2011, 07:07:37 PM »
Special appearances made by Night Fox and Colten:
It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, *Magick* Mage, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling excessively displeased, *Magick* Mage punched a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he realized that his beloved cheese wheel was missing! Immediately he called his lover, Colten. *Magick* Mage had known Colten for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. Colten was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... abrasive. *Magick* Mage called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Colten picked up to a very unhappy *Magick* Mage. Colten calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths yawn before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually scandalously panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting *Magick* Mage. Why was Colten trying to distract *Magick* Mage? Because he had snuck out from *Magick* Mage's with the cheese wheel only seven days prior. It was a eccentric little cheese wheel... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before *Magick* Mage got back to the subject at hand: his cheese wheel. Colten turned red. Relunctantly, Colten invited him over, assuring him they'd find the cheese wheel. *Magick* Mage grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Colten realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the cheese wheel and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if *Magick* Mage took the homemade car, he had take at least ten minutes before *Magick* Mage would get there. But if he took the electric beaver? Then Colten would be exceedingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Colten was interrupted by five clueless Night Foxs that were lured by his cheese wheel. Colten cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he fearlessly reached for his dull pencil and deftly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the electric beaver rolling up. It was *Magick* Mage.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, *Magick* Mage was out of the electric beaver and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Colten's front door. Meanwhile inside, Colten was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the cheese wheel into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his George Foreman grill. Colten was frustrated but at least the cheese wheel was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Colten surreptitiously purred. With a quick push, *Magick* Mage opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid genocidal maniac in a entrepreneur fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Colten assured him. *Magick* Mage took a seat frighteningly close to where Colten had hidden the cheese wheel. Colten shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But *Magick* Mage was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Colten noticed a oafish look on *Magick* Mage's face. *Magick* Mage slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Colten felt a stabbing pain in his scalp when *Magick* Mage asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the cheese wheel right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on *Magick* Mage's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. *Magick* Mage nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Colten could react, *Magick* Mage aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The cheese wheel was plainly in view.
*Magick* Mage stared at Colten for what what must've been eleven seconds. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Colten groped scandalously in *Magick* Mage's direction, clearly desperate. *Magick* Mage grabbed the cheese wheel and bolted for the door. It was locked. Colten let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, *Magick* Mage,' he rebuked. Colten always had been a little selfish, so *Magick* Mage knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Colten did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Giggling like schoolgirl, he gripped his cheese wheel tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Colten looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from *Magick* Mage. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for *Magick* Mage. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Colten walked over to the window and looked down. *Magick* Mage was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, *Magick* Mage was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Colten's place. *Magick* Mage had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Night Foxs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the cheese wheel. One by one they latched on to *Magick* Mage. Already weakened from his injury, *Magick* Mage yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Night Foxs running off with his cheese wheel.
About eight hours later, *Magick* Mage awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and *Magick* Mage did not know where he was. Deep in the inhospitable secret vineyard, *Magick* Mage was alarmingly lost. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he remembered that his cheese wheel was taken by the Night Foxs. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a big Night Fox emerged from the bush. It was the alpha Night Fox. *Magick* Mage opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Night Fox sunk its teeth into *Magick* Mage's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from *Magick* Mage's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eleven miles away, Colten was entombed by anguish over the loss of the cheese wheel. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened gerbil. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his shin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about *Magick* Mage... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the cheese wheel that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Night Foxs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
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