4846
Off Topic / Re: pourin my heart out, like a pusillanimous individual.
« on: October 19, 2014, 02:18:53 AM »
it was pretty well written tho
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4847
Off Topic / Re: pourin my heart out, like a pusillanimous individual.
« on: October 19, 2014, 02:16:14 AM »
listen, i'm not gonna kill myself. don't go tryin to call the cops on me or something drastic like that
being suicidal and killing yourself are different things. they're not good things, and you guys are justified in your reaction
but this ain't my note. i'm just posting about my real feelings, bein brutally genuine
being suicidal and killing yourself are different things. they're not good things, and you guys are justified in your reaction
but this ain't my note. i'm just posting about my real feelings, bein brutally genuine
4848
Off Topic / Re: pourin my heart out, like a pusillanimous individual.
« on: October 19, 2014, 02:12:22 AM »Not to make things worse, but his uncle being dead is a permanent problem.im not blaming myself, it's not like I tripped with a hypodermic needle full of potassium chloride and accidentally jammed it into his eyebrow, it's just that the reality of the coldness of human mortality sorta puts kindling on an already blazing fire of self hatred and grief
But the grief will not always be there, just try to remember the good times, if that helps.
Why are you even having these thoughts? You're not blaming yourself, are you?
4849
Off Topic / Re: pourin my heart out, like a pusillanimous individual.
« on: October 19, 2014, 01:58:55 AM »
nah
that was to ceist
about the inebriation
that was to ceist
about the inebriation
4850
Off Topic / Re: pourin my heart out, like a pusillanimous individual.
« on: October 19, 2014, 01:53:57 AM »
not on skype atm, maybe tomorrow
4851
Off Topic / pourin my heart out, like a pusillanimous individual.
« on: October 19, 2014, 01:51:44 AM »you know what.yesterday my uncle died. it was traumatizing. i got pulled out of school by my mom, who informs me "he's near the end". so we, being my fam, pile up into the car and head to the ICU. on principle, forget the ICU- not as a measure of hatred for the establishment, but just being at it. nothing good comes from a random summon from the ICU, usually. so we go in the doors and there he is, along with my cousins (his children), and my aunt, and his brother. it's all waterworks. he's got a million tubes hooked up to every loving orifice, and an ECMO machine pumping away.to make a long story short, he's gone in about 5 hours. I was in the room when his heart stopped. everyone's deservedly crying, but i'm in the corner numbed. we leave after that. everyone's eyes were redder than hell. anyways that's when
i'm sorry.
i riled you guys up. i was acting like i had a knife in my hands when really, i just had a concept of it. i have a flirty way of thinking about death, but when i was so close to it, i just couldn't handle it. i broke down. no, i wasn't drunk, just sad and tired. i'm not gonna kill myself because i love life too much, and... it's a lot easier to say that you want to end it all when you're sad and tired and the sky is black, but forget! the sky is blue now, and the sun is shining, and there are birds chirping, and a soft breeze. if i wanted to plunge into the void now, i'd really be worrying, lol.
i guess i was looking for attention to some agree, but it wasn't a plea, i just wanted to tell you guys something personal because, well, i've been here for a while, and i think of you guys as a second home in a way. and, the compassion you guys have shown- i don't really know what to say. the fact that you guys cared about some dork in a bed halfway across the country.. it's real sappy, i know.
i am just a kid. i'm only 17 years old. and i know to some of you that doesn't seem like a kid and to some of you that seems like a baby, but the fact is that i just had to witness something forgeted up, and i don't really know how to deal with it, or how im going to deal with it, but i know that you guys have dealt with things far worse, and it's not my place to expect you guys to catch me coming through the rye.
so yeah. sorry about overreacting. you guys are stronger than me
obviously I didn't jump outta the car even with my thoughts, cus that would be selfish. this isn't about me, my cousin's dad just kicked the bucket! ofc, that leads to more self loathing. when we get back to their house, everyone starts drinking. I get drunk off of pabts. i'm acting like a forgetin kid. I just keep picturing the body and hating myself more. everyone's smiling to get rid of the pain but i'm incapable of that stuff so I inundate myself with booze. forget. i'm just a god damn child to them. when i'm acting dumb i'm forgetin lil ol deccie! and in the face of it all, the guilt of these thoughts is weighing me down. they've suffered so much. even now there are tears falling on my smartphone. who the forget am I to make it about me
it's 10:00 now. i'm still numbed. they had a thing today. I wanted to drink something again but my sister ratted on me. I ran up their staircase and made a huge scene. I cried into their sofa upstairs.
idunno what i'm doing. I never make topics anyways. I just want to hurt myself, so I can have a reason for my stuffty self grief. I don't expect condolences, but say what you want. sharing is how I deal with this kinda stuff. hey, maybe badspot can fire one of those Self Delete kits my way so I can gest it out. ba dum tisss.
forget
4852
Drama / Re: Harsh Ban for Modifying Someone's Map for Pecon7's Boss Battles?
« on: October 18, 2014, 03:05:45 PM »If you have your periods 24/7, somethings wrong with you............kid
this is a whole new level
4853
Off Topic / Re: Do American movies feature in uk theaters?
« on: October 16, 2014, 11:13:38 PM »
bis jack lived as he died with his mouth wide open
4854
Drama / Re: so my family is extremely concerned over my brother (drama pg.4)
« on: October 16, 2014, 11:12:41 PM »
snoop v iggy stuff. we're gettin pertinent
4855
Off Topic / Re: Murder in the Blockland Forums, Nobody Expected the Spanish Inquisition
« on: October 16, 2014, 09:15:00 PM »
oh man hodot, I got a surprise waitin for ya in HELL
4856
Drama / Re: so my family is extremely concerned over my brother
« on: October 16, 2014, 09:13:57 PM »Your point?I mean
it's pretty clear
4857
Drama / Re: (x) Posts!
« on: October 16, 2014, 09:11:49 PM »
I can't see much reason to them not being spam
I bet half of you guys have probably complained about a dumb BL fad in the past- well you're lookin at the biggest one ever
I bet half of you guys have probably complained about a dumb BL fad in the past- well you're lookin at the biggest one ever
4858
Off Topic / Re: Do American movies feature in uk theaters?
« on: October 16, 2014, 07:06:53 PM »
hollywood is globe spanning, for better or for worse
4859
Drama / Re: Space1255 - Recent Fascination with Chains
« on: October 15, 2014, 03:08:52 AM »He's rightoh ho ho Ho!
4860
Off Topic / Re: Anime and Manga Megathread
« on: October 15, 2014, 01:22:36 AM »
wake me up when shinichiro watanabe directs a new show