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Off Topic / Would You forget A Clown?
« on: January 29, 2016, 09:10:35 AM »
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one time i had a friend that was always acting really weird around me and whenever we play xbox together he seemed really nervous. i blew it off as social anxiety or maybe he was just a really loving weird kid, then, two months later he told me he was biloveual and that he liked me. i felt so weird. i always assumed he was straight because me and him liked the same girl. i threw up multiple times that night and when i woke up i didn't wanna get on xbox for like a week. due to this one moment i am in a therapy session for HOCD. life would be so much better without cigarettes.
thats the exact kind of thought that triggered my anxiety. i constantly have to do checking procedures to make sure im not gay (looking at gay, straight and lesbian research to prove my arousal).
i do, i have always tended to be obsessive and stuff, but it has stuffted on my life. everyday, over and over in my head i say "I know im not gay" like a broken record. i go to sleep and then i wake up and back to the cycle. i sit in my tub without the tap on and listen to dubstep all night because usually i dont have an anxiety attack there. one night i stole some of my parents ambien to escape a panic attack and i've seriously considered just knocking my self out cold with alcohol.this social anxiety he keeps talking about is quite clearly him denying his true loveuality