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Messages - Frequency

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1
Off Topic / Re: A check-in
« on: July 03, 2023, 01:13:45 AM »
Anyway.

Sometimes you're dealt a bad hand.
Sometimes you're the dealer.

Don't lie to people you love if they truly love you.

And Badspot was wrong.  People do change.  Just not on their own.  And not when they need to.

2
Off Topic / A check-in
« on: July 03, 2023, 01:02:44 AM »
I turn 26 this year.

I am posting this from the same room in my parents house that I've posted to this site from for...  Over a decade now I guess.  I don't really remember when I first started interacting with BLF.  Some things haven't changed.  Plenty enough changed for me to mostly move on.  When I was old enough to buy my own alcohol I got into the bad habit of binge drinking occasionally then coming here and inflicting an inebriated mind upon the online social circle that, in part, raised me.  Kind of poetic I guess.  I've been sober for about 2 months now. I think I have a heart condition now.  I'm seeing a cardiologist to get examined soon.  It is what it is.

In the event that my digital footprint is used against me in the future in some way, I like to think it would be worth something if I at least demonstrate in some way that I'm not chained to the behaviors and habit loops that lead me to be a disastrous person.  Disastrous in the sense that I said things, did things, reacted and spoke in ways that I regret and are no longer a part of my character.  Or at the very least, diminished to the level that is required of those who are expected to function in society so as not to sow discord.  Life is more peaceful when you are not at odds with strangers.

Anyway, there are some key moments in my life that shaped my psychological development and lead me down particular paths that I wish could have been avoided if someone had just told me something.  I'm just going to say what I wish I could have said to my younger self throughout my life.  The sad part is that even if I was explicitly told, I don't know if I would have listened.  Such is youth, I guess:
 
One day, perhaps when you are 7 or 8, your mother will catch you watching something on television that somehow you know you shouldn't be.  You were trying to discreetly watch the Howard Stern show because sometimes they get girls to take their tops off.  Your mother will come in to the room and ask what you were watching and cycle through the channels, expecting you to call out what you were watching.  You are going to be tempted to tell her that you were watching "Family Guy" because somehow you figured that it was less of an offense to watch a funny cartoon for grown-ups than to be curious about women's bodies.  How did you come to the realization so young that it is more optimal for social acceptance to have performed the less disappointing of two  supposed wrongs?  Seeing as this is going to set the stage for how you respond to confrontation for the rest of your life-
Don't lie to her, please.

One day, perhaps when you're 11 or 12, you're going to see lots of funny videos on the internet of people getting jumpscared.  You're going to want to lure your baby sister, a toddler, to the computer and have her watch you play the scary maze game, because it's a funny prank.  In the aftermath, you will realize the error, since some part of you does really care about her - a part of you that will grow over the years and eventually you will realize that she is no longer the sweet baby sister that you should have protected - and you will desperately try to console her while at the same time try to convince her not to tell your parents and hide any evidence that she is experiencing psychological trauma wherever it comes up, and shape her environment as discreetly as possible to avoid any potential triggers, real or imagined.  All of that turmoil can be avoided, so-
Don't lie to her, please.

One day, during your teenage years, you will be enrolled in a highschool at home program with no supervision because your mother wants you to succeed but is terrified of physically exposing you to the world, therein dooming you to fail from the start.  You will excel at every subject and do well when you are working.  You will think you can put off work and just catch up at the very end before the program ends.  You won't.  And your mother, despite not being available to offer supervision, will desperately ask you if you've finished.  And you know just how to make her believe you have.
Don't lie to her, please.

One day, you're going to become friends with a coworker of the opposite love who has common interests and happens to be really cute.  She has a pulse - just your type - and she enjoys your company. You're going to think this is a good basis for a relationship.  She is going to tell you that she's interested in someone else but would still really like to be friends.  You will get the very bright and hopelessly romantic idea that you can "wait" for her since her interest isn't a certain future. You're going to tell her that you'll wait forever.
Don't lie to her, please.

Besides, your hopeless desperation is going to scare her away anyway.  Just breathe.  You can do a lot worse than being single.  And you're about to.

One day, in your dejected emotional state, a girl from church is going to show interest in you.  Maybe no real common interests, but definitely a common sense of humor. And you get to spend a lot of time together.  She moves away but you keep up the close friendship, talking every day, joking, laughing, offering advice, taking advice, visiting when possible.  One day it becomes something more, because you are so desperate for something more.  You won't realize the ramifications of a long-distance relationship where the bonding factor is joking about trauma and emotional dumping.  But you will ignore every single red flag because by God someone finally loves you for you who are, right?  You will promise her your love forever and ever, as those who are hopelessly lost in what they feel to be love so often do.  You will tell her that the distance isn't a problem and that one day we will live together and be away from our toxic environments.
Don't lie to her, please.

One day, you are going to lose contact with many friends because of a global pandemic.  You're going to start binge drinking more often than you used to because you're bored.  You're going to resent life and the world and the people in it and the ones you know and the ones you love.  Then you're going to make new friends.  Better and more positive, healthy, and supportive than you've ever experienced before in your life.  Relatively socially successful and content with their lot in life, enough to have some encouragement and support to spare for someone who thinks they've been dealt a crap hand.  They're going to help you be a better person and you're going to want to let them.  And they're going to introduce you to a very pretty girl.  A healthy girl.  A positive girl who loves life and living and fighting for what she believes in because she actually believes in something.  A spirit of fire that matches her hair. A warmth in her heart that emulates the sun and is reflected in her amber eyes.  Someone who fights and is worth fighting for.  She will do battle and conquer.  And she makes sure people know it.
But also, someone who was once burned, and twice shy.  So.
Don't lie to her, please.

One day, you will realize that you are no longer happy with your current relationship.  Come to think of it, you haven't been happy for quite some time now.  Nothing has felt right.  Nothing was right.  But you didn't have the moral character to make this known until you thought there was a safe way out.  A safe path forward.  A "guarantee" that you wouldn't be alone forever if you took the leap of faith and ended an unhealthy relationship on your own.  That leap of faith into the void of uncertainty and chaos and despair where the light at the end of the tunnel could just be your imagination.  You didn't take that leap that requires strength and courage.  Maybe that's okay in this moment.  But it's no way to live, and that's how you've lived and how you will continue to live, until it becomes unbearable and ultimately becomes a cascading and crashing waterfall of uncertainty and consequence.  You're going to end your current relationship, and she's going to ask you if it's because of someone else or if it's something that she did.
Don't lie to her, please.

One day, you will realize that you've really fallen in love with the girl of fire.  She's become your best friend, and it's mutual too.  She pushes you to be greater, points out things about you that no one ever has, or at least has had the gumption to say out loud.  But she's been hurt before.  She will reveal to you that her ex was a pathological liar and a manipulator, lying and manipulating her every day they were together.  She can't date a liar.  Not again.  And after you've gotten close enough, she will ask you if there's anything wrong. She will ask you if there is anything that you know of in your life that could affect her if you started dating.  She is desperate for a happy and pure and honest relationship.  She is desperate for trust.  And you are desperate for her.  And you are so desperate that you believe that if she knew the truth, she would not accept you, and you would be alone.  Back in the void.  So, she will ask you.  And you will be tempted to hide the truth.  You will be tempted not to bring up your bulimia, that you never finished high school, that you had just come out of a relationship, that you have alcoholic tendencies like your father, or that you're thousands of dollars in debt due to your bulimic eating habits.

She's going to ask you if you have anything to hide. 
You're going to be tempted to say no. 
Please, don't.   
Don't lie to her, please. 

Because she will find out.  She will find out months before the wedding.
And you will tell her everything once it's too late.
And she is so strong and fearless and fragile and broken that it's going to extinguish that fire you came to love.
You will be aligned with the same forces of deceit that burned her and made her paranoid.
You will make it so much worse by letting her believe you were honest.
Don't lie to her, please.

3
Games / Re: GarageGames is gone
« on: May 05, 2022, 03:25:30 PM »
I remember when marble blast ultra came out. that was a cool garagegames thing. encountered my first loveual predator on Xbox Live through that game.

4
Creativity / Re: My 1991 LCC Declasse Premier Taxi
« on: May 05, 2022, 03:24:42 PM »
Sick.

5
Off Topic / Re: worries and thoughts
« on: May 05, 2022, 03:19:50 PM »
I'm worried you clowns will still be using this last bastion of greco-roman-esque public communication when society collapses in the next 6 years.

6
Drama / Re: blind furry thinks they funny
« on: May 05, 2022, 03:17:21 PM »
i linked it

there's like 4 layers of irony to this trolling it's not even trolling anymore

7
this reminds me of my epic adventure mspaint thing where we became transgender and interjected all over everything, except higher quality. very cool

8
Off Topic / Re: are we cursed?
« on: May 05, 2022, 03:12:28 PM »
every perceived concept of psychology is an essential truth contorted and misrepresented by the influence of demonic entities that subsist on causing pain because they know their time is limited so they appeal to their own desires that they have opted to cultivate and develop over millennia. the 'evolution' of humans is impossible while these demonic entities persist and their very presence and influence alludes to the truth in that their history is rooted in organic christianity or at least as it presents itself, though there are many demonically altered iterations of christianity presented to humanity for the sake of distraction, discord, etc. this is the truth. you will not accept or acknowledge it as the truth because they have already sunken their teeth in by proxy of "human" philosophies and belief systems that are rooted in appeals to fleshly desire.

9
Off Topic / Re: constipation
« on: May 05, 2022, 03:08:18 PM »
there are these hair test things my friend told me about where you send in a strand of hair or something and they tell you all the things you can't eat it's pretty interesting

10
what are the political implications of elon musk buying twitter that's what you sound like right now you stupid idiot come on wha

11
Off Topic / Re: U.S.A. Politics Thread | AtLeAsT iTs NoT Annoying Orange
« on: February 26, 2022, 12:10:16 AM »
Master Matthew is the true definition of an NPC. all of his opinions are formed by others. he has no nobility or sense except that which is defined by the world he exposes himself to. he will never be cognizant enough to form a real opinion to have as a conviction. it's all a simulation in his mind. this mentality of course is driven by a desire to belong. he lacks the social exposure and function to perform as a human in his inner self, but enough to maintain status quo in his home life. i hope you can keep up the act long enough to maintain your comforts you cling to despite your "beliefs" Matt. everyone trips and falls eventually. you're in your late teens but reality will hit you and you'll find what's worth caring about soon. maybe. my cousin never grew up. could be you. i'm sad and desperate for acknowledgement from a comforting memory of a community i once knew so i'm brown townyzing the class clown.

12
Off Topic / Re: how to easily kill margit in elden ring (guide)
« on: February 26, 2022, 12:01:46 AM »
you have way too much time on your hands. you're too reliant on nostalgia. Why can't you apply yourself enough to actually achieve what you've been dreaming about for years? You could have been a real content creator by now. What held you back, Tony?

13
Off Topic / Re: geese thread
« on: February 25, 2022, 11:59:02 PM »
you know i don't see the point of this thread; you'll run out of unique geese eventually

14
Off Topic / Re: i got duck dice
« on: February 25, 2022, 11:57:56 PM »
that's pretty rad. dnd-type games can be fun. i miss playing brikwars with my sister.

15
Off Topic / Re: What's happening forum
« on: February 22, 2022, 08:12:17 PM »
I just come back every time I feel like I've made a catastrophic mistake in my real life affairs.

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