Messages

946

Off Topic / Re: need serious help and advice regarding a toxic household

« on: December 09, 2019, 04:44:11 PM »

and no i'm not heavily religious. i believe in heaven and the existence of god and the other holy figures but that's as far as it goes really. my dad is a devoted christian however.

947

Off Topic / Re: need serious help and advice regarding a toxic household

« on: December 09, 2019, 04:42:33 PM »

did a bit more snooping around and reading into people venting and talking about people's similar experiences with abusive households and i can safely say my dad is a major narcissist. he never listens to criticism or advice (one time we were watching church and the pastor started talking about controlling your anger safely; he ignored the entirety of it, and yet in the same surmon he tried talking about this one part of the bible that says 'those who disobey parents are unwise' or something), he's extremely entitled (he screamed at my stepmom and stormed off because he didn't feel appreciated enough) and refuses to acknowledge his problems. that explains alot

i can also safely say he's trying to manipulate me into being scared of him, through threats and generally being imposing. he isn't doing this out of love and concern, he's doing this to bully me into submission. for the most part it's worked, unfortunately; i can barely think for myself at this point and i'm pretty much driving all my friends away with my self destructive behavior that i can't control. thanks dad

948

Off Topic / Re: need serious help and advice regarding a toxic household

« on: December 09, 2019, 03:30:28 PM »

This isn't a real thing adults just pretend to function.

good

949

Creativity / Re: Drawings Megathread

« on: December 09, 2019, 02:13:29 PM »

oops

950

Off Topic / Re: need serious help and advice regarding a toxic household

« on: December 09, 2019, 01:25:25 PM »

Edit: Since you are homeschooled, I guess you can't ask a teacher. Doctors are also mandatory reporters, though. You could ask your doctor to report on your behalf, and you're old enough that the doctors should be legally able to ask to speak privately with you during an appointment.

i don't have a doctor. rip

951

Off Topic / Re: need serious help and advice regarding a toxic household

« on: December 09, 2019, 01:22:48 PM »

No. When you live with long term abuse, you conform to it and it becomes normal and you can begin to undermine yourself by downplaying the severity or come to believe that it is simply normal. An outside perspective will only tell you that this is not okay.

ok thank you. it's really loving good to finally hear someone agree with me (to be fair i've never really ASKED anybody..) since my stance on if my dad is good or not changes depending on what's recently happened; im a biased bastard

Talk to a mandatory reporter, like a teacher at your school who you know is chill. Level with them about what you have experienced and they can file a report with CPS to get things in motion to help you.

can't, homeschooled and my parents would NOT let me see a counselor or therapist because they think i'm some manipulative mastermind trying to guilt trip people or some stupid stuff

If CPS shows up at your house, make sure you get to talk with the worker and dismiss any lies your parents will make about your situation.

and then what will happen? that's the part i'm most scared of. let's say i get a restraining order on my dad; then my dad won't be able to live in the same house as me and my grandma and won't be able to take her to the doctor to get her radiation therapy. as much as i want to be free from this abuse, my entire family is dependent on him. especially me; i can't drive and i don't have a job or credit card yet. and if i get to live in a foster home, what if it's a stuffty one where we're treated like prisoners? even if its a nice one i won't be able to see my grandma ever again. plus i wouldn't know if i would have a bedroom of my own (i am NOT sleeping with another person. no thank you.) or if they would even have internet access, which i'm unfortunately dependent on to get through the day. i probably won't even be able to see my friends in person again. from my perspective it just looks like it would lead to more bad than good and that's what's really stressing me out.

And above all else; COLLECT EVIDENCE. If you can get evidence of your abuse in any format (audio recordings are solid evidence) you can present it to make your case for protection very strong.

i don't have recorded evidence of him abusing ME (since i never got the chance; my phone is huge) but i have recorded evidence of two of his outbursts if that counts; one where he was yelling at my stepmom (dunno why) and one where he was yelling at my grandma. i dont know if that counts though. plus it seems kind of low to use these as evidence since they're kind of old.

Unfortunately, since your parents technically own all your belongings, I'm not sure what of your stuff you can reasonably expect to be able to bring with you. There are definitely rules in place to let you keep things that are 'yours', but I don't know how far they go.

haha forget.
above all else i want to bring my laptop, my headphones, my drawing tablet and pen, my phone, some pillows and some of my plush toys (my grandma got me one recently and i'm really attached to it). and my lizard of course. i wouldn't want to abandon these things, the rest i can probably live without if necessary.

952

Off Topic / Re: need serious help and advice regarding a toxic household

« on: December 09, 2019, 01:09:50 PM »

addendum

he isn't usually like this. most of the time when he punishes me, it's really only because of something triggering his anger issues; when he isn't struggling with it he's strict but he's a bit lenient, which is, well, okay for me. unfortunately this doesn't excuse the stress that this puts me through. the best possible outcome is probably for him to get some sort of help to control these outbursts so i don't have to worry about if he's going to have one or not.

i really don't know what to do or how to get there, though. he's extremely defensive about the anger issues and i can't argue with him (unless i want to get everything taken from me) so rrrip

953

Off Topic / Re: need serious help and advice regarding a toxic household

« on: December 09, 2019, 12:53:47 PM »

also i'm being homeschooled. it's virtual school.

954

Off Topic / need serious help and advice regarding a toxic household

« on: December 09, 2019, 12:48:42 PM »

this may seem really, really abrupt since i never talk about it (i prefer to keep this stuff to myself) but it's gotten to the point where im basically trying to ask anyone who would know advice on what to do in this situation, given alot of you are functioning adults with jobs and all that stuff.
for the uninitiated, i have adhd and am on the autism spectrum. it is hard for me to socialize with people and i find it hard to remember doing routines without reminders because of this. even without this excuse for some of the stuff i find difficult, i am pretty lazy and i don't have much of a life outside of using my computer for art and social interaction. i'm also a bit of a hoarder admittedly.
my family consists of my grandma, my dad, and my stepmom. currently my grandma is fighting cancer, and i don't really interact with my stepmom but she's a nice woman.

long story short, my dad is verbally abusive. every day i basically hide myself in my room to avoid interacting with him because i'm terrified of saying the wrong thing because he's very, VERY quick to make irate and permanent decisions (i get this trait from him. forget). he has constantly insulted me and called me names in bouts of anger (piece of stuff, fatass, lazy ass, selfish, disgusting, pig, slob) and has threatened to have me arrested (he has called the cops on me once for running away, and threatened to get me sent to juvie for asking my grandma for some money) and threatens to injure me (more specifically, he says 'i should beat the stuff out of you' or 'you're lucky i haven't beaten the stuff out of you'. one time i called the cops on him and the cops did nothing, saying 'it's just terminal punishment so its legal'). he has injured me twice before, but that was a few years ago. they didn't leave marks unfortunately. he's also threatened to kill my pet bearded dragon.

because of the constant pressure of my dad and the fact that my grandma, the only positive influence on my life outside of my internet friends, is basically dying, it's been getting harder and harder to do basic things. i can barely sleep (and when i do i oversleep), i have had bags under my eyes for 2 years now, and i'm terrified to even ask any questions because i know he'll punish me for asking the wrong thing (he has done this before). i've had anxiety and probably depression, most likely a direct result of this unbearable pressure, and one of my friends (who is basically counselling me because she's in an abusive household so she knows her stuff) is almost certain i have post traumatic stress disorder given my descriptions.

the worst part is sometimes i get suicidal thoughts and visions. when i got these before, i would just shove them aside because its just a stupid edgy thought on the back of my mind, but they're getting alot more prominent and its making me very loving scared of what might happen to me. i heard alot of forgeted up psychopaths and degenerates were the way they were because they were raised in an abusive or neglectful household and i do NOT want that to happen to me.

first question. is any of this my fault? i always end up forgiving him because im way too loving empathetic for my own good (i forgave sebi after leaking my kinks to the forum and look where that got me) and i'm conflicted on if this is my fault and he's in the right, or if he is being a terrible parent. i genuinely don't know what i think; stuff that happens always influences my opinion on it of course and i can never really stick with one stance on it. right now for instance; if i waited like 5 hours i probably wouldn't have even posted this. i need a reasonable adult to tell me if this is an overreaction on my part or not.

second question, how do i fix this? i've looked into foster care and i found a very nice place; only problem is it's extremely far away from the 2 irl friends i have AND i'll have to move away from my grandma. she's the nicest goddamn woman you'll ever meet and i don't want to be away from her, plus i don't know if i'll be able to bring my pet lizard with me OR if i'll be able to bring my electronics to use the internet (pathetic i know). i don't even know who to CALL because my parents are home most of the time so i won't be able to call, say, a national hotline because they'll hear me and interrupt the call to say that 'i'm just doing this because he's punishing me' or whatever i dont know.

please, blf. if yall know what i can do to fix my life, please. dm me if you need more in depth explanations on things.

955

Off Topic / Re: what's your worst injury (2019 edition)

« on: December 09, 2019, 12:54:27 AM »

one time my achilles tendon ripped that was fun
i also had an brown town fissure once that was excruciatingly painful

956

Creativity / Re: Drawings Megathread

« on: December 09, 2019, 12:30:45 AM »

957

Forum Games / Re: YOU CRINGE YOU LOSE

« on: December 09, 2019, 12:29:12 AM »

bitch ive seen pamperchu
his diaper microwaving ass is nothing compared to the unfiltered degeneracy of smurf in hand

958

Forum Games / Re: YOU CRINGE YOU LOSE

« on: December 08, 2019, 06:18:11 PM »

if yall want a good read that will make you feel absolutely loving ill look up 'smurf in hand story'. it's loving atrocious and will make you feel bad

if yall dont feel like sifting thru pages of grotesque detail, i'll summarize it: it's a story where OP says he is taking care of baby smurfs. reading into the story you can tell there are extremely blatant overtones of child abuse, physical and loveual. it's all written in disgustingly vigorous detail, especially regarding them being injured or in uncomfortable situations.

959

Off Topic / Re: heart beat check

« on: December 07, 2019, 11:35:56 PM »

yeah

960

Off Topic / Re: [a spook story] garry

« on: December 07, 2019, 10:04:35 PM »

good to see this come to a conclusion finally atleast, was really wondering if it was a prank or not