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« on: April 13, 2011, 12:27:45 PM »
This didn't fit in Drama and I wanted to share this story that's been going on in my life. Read it or not the choice is yours. I'm not trying to be an attention whore or get fame, I just wanted to share this story as it has made a huge comeback in my life. If you don't like reading sad stories then leave. Feel free to comment. It's extremely long I know but it makes for a nice ending :)
About 2.5 years ago (I was 16), I guess you can say I was the average nerd; I play games, skinny, short gel hair, etc. Idk why but alot of the girls I saw in school don't really intrest me. Call me weird or homo but I really don't like sleeping or dating random girls. In my mind, if I am dating the girl I have to feel like if I will have a future with her. I have to feel capable that I could marry the girl (And I still believe this mentality, don't tell me to change, you will see why). It wasn't till December of 2008 that I began talking to this girl (We met together cause our friend did the "perfect match" sorta thing and we exchanged numbers through her). We talked and talked till around March 1 where we shared our first kiss and went official. Long story short, our relationship grew and grew. We traveled everywhere with her family, cooked together, we even lost our V cards together. We did everything you can imagin. It wasn't till last year a month before our 1 year anniversary, she said she wanted to break up because she saw me more as a "Brother" over a "partner". I was severly heart broken. I cannot describe the pain that went through me. Every night I would cry wondering WTF did I do wrong? Why did this happen to me? It was the worse pain I ever felt. Worse then breaking my arm when I was younger. Things got worse when last year around this month I found out she dumped me for this 26 year old guy (she was 18 at the time). It angered me and destroyed me even further down to depression. What drew the last straw though was when I heard that a week before thanksgiving, she married the guy and moves in with him and live in a completely different state (I have no clue where she is but she still maintains communication with her family) idk why but it was both a reliever and a holder. I felt like she finally let go of me and I felt I could move on but I was still depressed not because of her but because I miss having a beautiful relationship. I'm sure anyone in the world would tell you they they rather be with who they like/love over being by themselves. I missed sharing my life with someone is what I'm saying. This past January, my dads dad died over a routine surgery on the lungs. He never smoked or did drugs yet he had cancer on his lungs, so much that they had to remove his entire lung. I loved that man, he always joked around how he wanted to see my Gf (when we were together) and how he would be at my marriage. I also lost my job around that time because the store "cleaned house" and only wanted senior workers... My parents knew I was depressed for around 6 months starting when my ex dumped me but in reality, I was in depression for a year and 2 months. I felt like if I had to pull my face off or something idk how to describe it. I never thought of Self Delete, I never did drugs or drank, all I did was be mute and cry at home. What's more shocking though is that this whole time, people approached me for "life advice" and stuff. I honestly cared for my friends and I gave them advice. ALL of my friends who came to me have gotten a much better life because they followed my advice and I feel happy for them yet I still walked in shadows, a face that seemed like if death was standing by me... It wasn't until a friend of mine opened my eyes about my whole situation. She's extremely religious (I believe in god but I barly visit his house) and heard how my mom was sick. She said she wanted to pray for her with me and so I agreed. We started praying when I heard she said "we are not asking you to heal her, we are telling you thank you for healing her" to which I said u made a mistake and she replied "There's no need to ask twice, she is already healed you just need time". It came to my realization that the relationship I keep asking to god is already out there but the whole time all I did was stay home and ask for it... My depression was lifted...
Ever since then, I have been more active then before and more "out there" with clubs and stuff. Still drug and alcohol free and still partying. I recently got a job as a computer tech guy (I start this Friday) and I have a much stable life. I still havnt found my other half but fact is, she's out there somewhere and I am going to find her sooner or later :)
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