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« on: December 25, 2012, 05:40:27 AM »
Okay, I don't really know how to explain this so I'll write it up as I think it.
One day I started thinking about what would happen after I die, eventually I got to the point where I see it as endless darkness, no audio, no visual things, no conscience-ness, it makes me feel empty inside. It's a scary feeling. I'm literally afraid to lay down in bed because I don't like thinking of this.
Since the only time this ever pops into my mind is when I try to go to bed or something makes me think of it, anything about religion and death, will keep me awake and scared. I don't exactly believe in god nor am I an atheist. When I pray nothing seem to happen, nothing seems to get better. That leads me to not believe in god. But since I'm so afraid of what I think might happen after death I WANT to believe in God because I'm sure there would be something other than total darkness and silence. But I can't believe in something that I have no proof of existing.
I try to convince myself that death is nothing to be afraid of but it just keep coming back.
If you guys don't understand what I'm trying to say I'll attempt to reword it as best I can.