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Here’s something you DIDN’T know about the Doomguy:
His maximum run speed is 819.52 map units / second.
Approximately 32 map units is equal to one meter (based on the guy’s height in terms of map units)
Therefore he runs at 25.61 meters per second, this is equal to about 57.2879 MPH.
The current world record for the 100 meter dash is held by Usain Bolt: 9.69 seconds. The Doomguy can run this in 3.905 seconds, 148% FASTER than Usain Bolt.
The DOOMGUY is capable of outrunning a Lion, and maintaining that speed indefinitely.
Bear in mind that the DOOMGUY can do this with, in all probability, 200 pounds of equipment.
The Doomguy is the strongest video game character ever.

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Basically DOOM 1 was “Oh stuff we’re invaded” then everyone dies except you. Since you can’t fly the shuttle back to Earth to save yourself, you decide to try to clear out the base.

You kinda do, except you get ambushed and die. Because the base on Deimos is actually a part of hell now, that’s where you “respawn” in hell.

You clear out THAT base and its new commander and actually go to the outer levels of old school hell. Again, you clear THAT stuff out, goddamn, and kill the guy leading the invasion on mars. The guy leading Hell basically gives you a teleporter to earth so that you’ll stop messing stuff up. That’s right, HELL BROUGHT YOU BACK TO LIFE BECAUSE YOU KICKED ITS ASS.

Then you teleport to earth and OH stuff DEMONS ARE HERE TOO! Apparently you meet the last few survivors and get them onto a space ship so they can get the forget out of dodge. The problem is, the base where the launch button is overrun by demons.

You clear THOSE demons out, launch the ship and save humanity. You’re such a stone cold badass holy balls. But you’re tired as forget, and you should be you magnificent bastard you, you decide to lie down and rest. Then some douche commander says “So yeah, thanks and all. Oh yeah, we found out where they’re coming from. It's your hometown.” So you get the forget back up.

THEN you fight your way to your hometown and find where the demons are coming from. Do you go through the portal? stuff yeah you do, there are still demons to kill bitch.

You fight your way through the SERIOUS part of hell, then kill SATAN. Unless Plutonia/TnT are canon. Then its just some bigass guy that’s like Satan’s best friend, and you never kill Satan.

And that is why the Doomguy is the single most powerful human in the history of all games everywhere. Even loving jrpg friends need a group of 3 people and some lame power of love™ or friendship™ to kill God. Doomguy kills Satan with a loving man-made rocket launcher.

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So he goes home. And scientist and stuff try to make him better, because lemme tell you, this forgeter’s been to hell TWICE and he’s totally loving fine. Suddenly, a satellite picks up demon activity back on the home base.

The loving military then says “well, we can either send in someone who by all rights and if we followed protocol should be honorably discharged, given hookers, mansions, free stuff for the rest of his motherloving life, or we can send not the Doomguy”. And so the Doomguy goes loving BACK.

And what the forget does he find there? More loving demons. Again. You’d think he’d be traumatized seeing unholy horrors the likes of which normal people could not possibly imagine, but forget no he’s the Doomguy. The demons aren’t. They’re loving dead.

So he kills the loving “Mother Demon” which apparently is the reason the base went to hell again for the third loving time. And what does he do? Does he go back home to be an international hero?

forget no. He goes BACK INTO HELL FOR A THIRD loving TIME, THIS TIME FOR ALL ETERNITY. And what does he do? He loving kills everything faster than everything can produce things for him to kill.

He camps hell like a loving fat neckbeard Everquest player. And you know those demons are complaining to the admin of HELL “loving ban this camping noob” and the admin, who is probably Satan’s twin brother or something that would make everyone else stuff themselves to death, is like “forget no I want to live”.

So when you die and you go to hell like you’re loving supposed to, starfish, and you see loving nothing, don’t loving think that this is some zen stuff. Hell is not being eternally bored, Hell is demons shoving their spiked roosters into everything on your body that is or is not a hole.

But you’re not going to experience that like you deserve, sinner. Maybe once you’ll come across a hard motherforgeter with a green suit and a shotgun. Do us all a favor and brofist him. He loving earned it.

(quotes taken from here)

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Off Topic / Re: Anime and Manga Megathread

« on: December 09, 2013, 09:23:45 PM »

Quote from: .::Taboo::. on December 09, 2013, 08:58:50 PM

i dunno man, between the terrible cg and complete lack of anything resembling plot or characters, it's very hard to find a reason like the goops

characters come up during the course of the show, and they're all likable in some way.

the CG is pretty bad but it actually does get better towards the end.

also comedic omake w/ obligatory yuri