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« on: December 04, 2009, 11:50:06 PM »
Not to be a total douche, but you should stab yourself in the face. It's so poorly written it made my eyes bleed, so you should share my pain. You tried to be detailed, but the words you used are plain. The conversations are poorly constructed and need a lot of work. I could have written better than that in 5th grade. I feel the desperate need to point out the massive flaws in spelling and grammar despite your comment about fixing it later. Anybody who even writes a first draft like that should not be writing in the first place. I mean for forgets sake, the forum even has a spell checker.
Don't try writing for people until you learn some basic techniques. Now print this draft out and give it to mommy to put on the fridge, maybe you'll get a sticker.