Messages

2986

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: July 01, 2015, 01:45:14 PM »

heal him with mlg blunt

"Since when did a blunt save a man from having his organs shot out?" The Metagamer Guard asks you before you can even pull out a blunt.

operate on him

Your lack of medical knowledge would probably kill the guy. A nearby ambulance arrives and picks up the Metagamer Guard, leaving you alone in the ruins of the Metagamer HQ.

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (6 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Dull Switchblade
$700
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED
Dueling Consciences ACTIVE

2987

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: July 01, 2015, 12:44:01 PM »

remind ourselves these aren't real cops

they're communists who stole america's cops

"i've done the wrong thing, but now my genocide crusade starts here"

"No, not that...." Metagamer Guard begins as he continues to lay dying. "I mean when you opened the portal to this dimension. With the Vending Machine destroyed and our HQ burned down by the Communists, you have no way of getting back unless you go to the Joseph Stalin Power Plant..."

Go to the book store, and buy "How to accept other people's political systems"

You find a book about accepting other polictical systems, but someone vandalized all the pages with Swedish flags. Odd.

BEGIN THE DEMOCRATIC REVOLUTION OF AMERICA

"I'm going to take back Venturon City from the Communists. You with me?"

"I'm uh.... *cough* .....Dying here, you know."

"Execute that bastard! Put him out of his misery!" The Evil Half speaks up.

"No! We could always use a potential ally!" The Good Half speaks up.

"This guy is clearly doomed, anyways. Look at his wounds! They practically tore him apart!"

Metagamer Guard(DYING) armed with bare hands

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (6 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Dull Switchblade
$700
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED
Dueling Consciences ACTIVE

2988

Forum Games / Re: Survival: THE RE-loving-VIVAL (a text and ascii adventure game)

« on: July 01, 2015, 10:19:40 AM »

Nothing else

2989

Forum Games / Re: BLF Plays Paper Mario

« on: July 01, 2015, 10:18:58 AM »

Forwards

2990

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: July 01, 2015, 01:02:54 AM »

BECOME LIBERTY PRIME!
"COMMUNISTS DETECTED ON AMERICAN SOIL. LETHAL FORCE ENGAGED!"
"AMERICA WILL NEVER FALL TO COMMUNIST INVASION!"

KILL!!

kill them all

Protagonist whips out a dull Switchblade and stabs Police Officer 1 in the eyeballs!
Police Officer 2 recoils in shock!
Police Officer 3 recoils in shock.
Protagonist shouts: "AMERICA WILL NEVER FALL TO COMMUNIST INVASION!"
Police Officer 2 runs away in fear!
Police Officer 3 has a family!

Protagonist pins Police Officer 1 to the ground, disembowels him, and gouges out his eyeballs with his thumbs!

You go to the other dying man and discover that it is the same Metagamer Guard from the previous universe.

"W-What have.... You... *cough* ....Done?"

Metagamer Guard(DYING) armed with bare hands

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (6 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Dull Switchblade
$700
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED
Dueling Consciences ACTIVE

2991

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: July 01, 2015, 12:22:53 AM »

Use the vending machine cuz, why the fuk not.

RANDOM EFFECT GAINED: Dueling Consciences

VENDING MACHINE ERROR: CANNOT INITIATE TEMPORARY EFFECT.

A nearby Communist Cop notices what you are doing and shoots the Vending Machine with an RPG, blowing it up.

"Come with us, filthy American."

Your conscience comes to life.

"Come with them! There is no need for unnecessary Bloodshed!" The Good Half speaks up.

"These are FILTHY COMMIES, and you are an ALL AMERICAN, PATRIOTIC, GOD FEARING CITIZEN! Serve your country and waste these damn Ruskies!" The Evil Half speaks up.

"Murder is bad! You can just knock them out nonlethally!"

"Quiet, you! Killing is permanent! We kill these Commie Bastards and they won't bite us later! Besides, its okay! These people aren't even patriots!"

Police Officer 1 armed with Mosin Nagant
Police Officer 2 armed with SKS
Police Officer 3 armed with RPG

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (6 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Switchblade
$700
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED
Dueling Consciences ACTIVE

2992

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: July 01, 2015, 12:08:55 AM »

You walk to the Metagamer HQ and discover that its been razed to the ground. All thats left is a vending machine and a dying man surrounded by cops.

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (6 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Switchblade
$750
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED
[/quote]

2993

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: July 01, 2015, 12:03:03 AM »

You stumble in a random direction and hope its the hospital. A few hours later, you finally discover the Hospital. You see a nurse with a magnificent moustache approach you.

"Capitalist Pig. You're here for some healing, yes?"

"Wuh?"

"A Capitalist Pig and a godamn dumbass. I'll take that as a yes."

You wake up the next morning cured of your stupidity. As you walk out, you notice that the Nurse is the same nurse that was killed by your old smartphone, except this time he has a magnificent moustache. Something is up.



You take one look outside after you leave the Hospital and discover buildings with a Hammer and Martini symbol painted everywhere. A nearby building in the distance is having holes blown into it. Faint gunfire and explosions ring in the distance.

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (6 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Switchblade
$750
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED

2994

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: June 30, 2015, 10:11:14 PM »

Ask them if they know where you are

You attempt to talk to them in your current state, but all you are still suffering under temporary loss of intelligence.

"Go home, sir. You're drunk."

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (6 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Switchblade
$750
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED
Low Intelligence ACTIVE
Sparkle ACTIVE

2995

Forum Games / Re: Let's Play X-COM Long War (An Egyptian Chinatown!)

« on: June 30, 2015, 09:58:36 PM »

I think we should play apocalypse.

Ew, Apocalypse. Realtime sucks, all the micromanagement sucks, the aliens are just plain ugly, and the cityscape isn't that interesting to me.

I can't get myself to like Apocalypse, honestly. Plus, theres no OpenXCOM version of Apocalypse yet.

2996

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: June 30, 2015, 09:56:48 PM »

grab a lightbulb and put it over your head untill it lights up, you will get an idea to regain your intelligence.

You grab a lightbulb and suddenly an idea comes to you. Use the Random Effects Vending Machine and hope it saves you before the universe is destroyed!

Random Effect Gained: Sparkle

You begin sparkling extremely brightly, further fueling your intellect. You put more money into the vending machine.

Random Event Occured: Portal to a new Universe

You enter the portal and discover yourself standing in front of your house in Venturon City. You see a SWAT Team cleaning up the bodies of several Cartel members.

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (6 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Switchblade
$750
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED
Low Intelligence ACTIVE
Sparkle ACTIVE

2997

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: June 30, 2015, 09:28:37 PM »

begin stabbing the vending machine until you regain intelligence

You violently stab the vending machine, dulling the blade of your switchblade. Nothing of interest happens. There's gotta be another way to regain intelligence!

pray for forgiveness, then wait for the universe to die.

Protagonist is too handicapped to know what praying is in this state.

Random Effects Vending Machine Cost: $50

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (6 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Switchblade
$850
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED
Universe Status: FALLING APART
Low Intelligence ACTIVE

2998

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: June 30, 2015, 09:14:11 PM »

taser yourself to reawaken your brain cells

You equip a taser and shoot it at your forehead. The electric shock causes you to collapse and burst into flames for a brief second.

More and more holes are torn into the universe.

Random Effects Vending Machine Cost: $50

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (6 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Switchblade
$850
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED
Universe Status: FALLING APART
Low Intelligence ACTIVE

2999

Off Topic / Re: CTRL+V Game v5

« on: June 30, 2015, 09:08:54 PM »

3000

Forum Games / Re: BLOODLUST

« on: June 30, 2015, 09:04:39 PM »

stuff stuff stuff

low intelligence um

come straight outta compton

Protagonist:Compton? What that?

USE MACHINE AGAIN

The Machine Randomly Decides To Give You: MLG Blunt.

jack off really hard

You attempt to jerk off, but you have no idea what "jerking off" is due to the low intelligence.

(The universe continues to shake violently and numberous holes are torn into it. Eventually, you will be consumed and the universe will die.)

Inventory
Car Keys
Flashlight
Golden entrepreneur  Staff
entrepreneur  Staff(Bloodstained)
Suit/Tie
.500 S&W Revolver (5/5 rounds, 1 .500 speedloaders left)
Mosin Nagant (5/5 rounds, 5 7.62x54 mags)
Glock (17/17 rounds, 2 9mm mags left)
AA-12 Shotgun (20/20 rounds, 20 shells left)
M14 (20/20 rounds, 1 7.62 NATO mags left)
ToasterTron 667 (2/2 toast, 4 bread left)
Taser (7 Taser cartridges left)
Conservative Redneck Disguise
MLG Blunt
Umbrella
Police Bribery 101
Nightstick
Firefighter Disguise
Switchblade
$850
Molotov roostertail x3
New Smartphone

Bloodlust: DISABLED
Universe Status: FALLING APART
Low Intelligence ACTIVE