Punctuation, more of it, PLEASE.
Can you see it? The darkness around you as you stare out the window of your bedroom; the music on your iPod is loud in your ears playing carnival music (What the forget is this? What I think it should be):The carnival music from your iPod is loud in your ears, it makes the outside view seem very dark and scary, you can see your neighbors house, their lights turning oranges through their shades, you can see the fog rolling off the tops of the trees like a dark grey snow (REALLY ORIGINAL METAPHOR HERE), you can barely hear the cherpingchirping crickets over your music, you enjoy the night and the darkness that hides mystery; it makes you want to leave your home and head into the forest behind your house and re-explore the places you know or would rather not know anymore.
You even spelled "chirped" wrong.
I fixed the spelling and punctuation but you're on your own for the metaphors/similes and not to mention the lack of decent vocabulary.
Good luck on your next try.