lately comedy has released his richard side and attempted to write a book called "near death"
many have seen it and have rated it
most of the comments have been negative for reasons self evident.
people reply with tips such as
Also, this isnt even a book.
It ended too loving short. that was only a page and a half
you also made it a bit stuffty at the end.
Seriously
If this wasnt a dream, i would still be reading it IF it was published.
you made it end too early.
Whats next? him sleeping in the morning have the same dream?
Atleast make the dream longer.
"chapter" 1 is just the beginning, middle, and end.
You, your sister, your parents all survived during this "accident"
and then "IT WAS JUST A DREAM :)" is the end.
Describe more about the accident.
and atleast, HOW did the accident occur?
more descriptions is my suggestion but you have raw talent my friend
For example add some show don't tells in here
"All of a sudden, the ground shook and the air split as a shockwave hit my sister and me. We were thrown back off our feet and our senses were thrown into a fog. Debris fell all around us as we snapped out of our stupor. I could see the fear in my sister's face. My instincts kicked in as I helped her up on unsteady legs and we ran for a bridge. The security of the bridge enveloped us and relief swept over us. But it was short lived. Terror once again clasped its cold hand around us as the concrete walls began to collapse."
This is just some stuff I pulled out of my ass but with some editing your writing could be exceptional. 6/10
Also, have a pre write, be sure you have the plot drawn out and don't just make it up as you go along.
to which comedy turns on his deviantart-mode and goes all "NOU ITS GOOD CUS I SAY IT IZ AND NUN OF U MATTR!!!!!"
example:
lol it's not done, that's why it says "A book I'm WRITING", also, the "TO BE CONTINUED" is obvious.
but that's not all, he doesn't say it once as a crutch, but
twice!
Doesn't the title "writing" imply that it's not done?
and another time but I can't find it
here's the funniest thing he's ever posted:
after several criticisms being posted, he then posts
I have written many books before, also, bump because edit to book.
to which I doubt it and he claims
Sadly, they were written years ago and I cannot find them.
at another point farther into the thread after several other posts commenting on his poor work, he becomes a fiery bale of catholic rage and goes into a hissyfit as to how we shouldn't be mean to him because he's young and stuff
You do not understand the basic conecept of me being 11 and not having as broad of a vocabulary as indy. He put it there for me to use.
also included within that quote is him claiming that indy, who rewrote his story as to show an example as how to write a well-versed story (in comparison to the original), supplied his version for free use by comedy,
which he never did.before my mentioning of this, he silently edits his op and claims to have owned it
afterwards, everyone's favourite dumbass, scratchtehepicspaceguything walks in, another 11 year old, and attempts to defend comedy, to which comedy resorts to his classic "OMG SOMEONE BELIEVES IN ME! TIME TO HIDE FROM THE MEANIES UNTIL HE MAKES THEM GO AWAY!"
example:
So it's not the best. He is 11 and I say it's pretty good for 11.
Thank you.
also, after freddakiko comes in and re-edits indy's version, comedy takes it upon himself to jump in and yell at him even though he doesn't own it:
@above Yeah, thanks for trying, but next time be nice.
as you'd expect, scratch would abruptly instigate yet another issue:
Dude, it's his storyline/plot.
and as you'd expect, comedy would be a coward and crutch him:
Thank you. Plus, it just uses a more broad vocabulary than the one I use, so it's the same story with better words.
to which fred would post:
and his storyline/plot is stuff...
and comedy, reverting to some of the "world's saddest internet argument techniques" (topic
here) which so far recaps comedy as being a pity reposte, the backtrack, and unbelievable credentials (with the pity reposte being shown here:)
Hahahahahaahahahahaa, hahahahahahaha, you make me laugh.
scratch and comedy's saddening companionship would continue for another page as comedy would be a coward who would reply "thank you" every time someone would say something relatively positive to him
I think that you guys are being a little hard on him IMO. He is good, but he's definetly not a pro. However, it's understandable because he is 11. Comedy, just work on elaborating scenes, ok?
Again, thank you for your wonderful comments.
comedy now claims myself to be "butthurt" because he was "annoying when he first joined the forums"
honestly, how is it my fault that I'm angry over your stupidity?
anyway, comedy has become another cowardly richardhead
discuss.
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