Messages

3781

Off Topic / Re: Australian Immigration Minister "Accidentally" Texts His IQ of 25

« on: January 03, 2016, 08:34:28 PM »

What would ever make you believe his IQ is actually 25 in the first place?

"the media told me, it's reel guys!~!!"

3782

Off Topic / Re: Australian Immigration Minister "Accidentally" Texts His IQ of 25

« on: January 03, 2016, 08:29:57 PM »

we are all nonnel
ill change it soon shh it ok

i literally just realized you weren't nonnel smh

3783

Off Topic / Re: Australian Immigration Minister "Accidentally" Texts His IQ of 25

« on: January 03, 2016, 08:25:29 PM »

i think i had an iq somewhere near 130. can't remember

3784

Off Topic / Re: why is ass hair so annoying?

« on: January 03, 2016, 07:40:06 PM »

found this beauty

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can?t-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. ?Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don?t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!? I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. ?How many Indians could there be?? said by General Custer. ?Looks like a good day for a drive!? by JFK. ?There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!? by some idiot system tech. Such was my brown town shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for brown town-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic $!@%- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky $!@%/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: ?It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.?

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasnt enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn?t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DONT SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

3785

Drama / Re: Nickpb, child enthusiast/Child Predator, overall useless piece of stuff

« on: January 03, 2016, 07:37:05 PM »

stuffposting lol

3786

Off Topic / Re: why is ass hair so annoying?

« on: January 03, 2016, 07:36:26 PM »

i want to shave my ass but i'm kind of scared actually

3787

Off Topic / Re: why is ass hair so annoying?

« on: January 03, 2016, 07:08:39 PM »

Am I high? Are you high?

i wish i were lol

3788

Off Topic / Re: why is ass hair so annoying?

« on: January 03, 2016, 07:06:19 PM »

Also I don't like hairy asses and/or children.

;-; forget men

3789

Off Topic / Re: why is ass hair so annoying?

« on: January 03, 2016, 07:01:42 PM »

I recommend sending Tenshi a picture of your crack, he can probably give you a hand.

i'm not good enuff for his standards :(

3790

Off Topic / Re: Do any of you have any dietary restrictions?

« on: January 03, 2016, 07:00:35 PM »

i'm german so i'm high allergic to jews. no kosher stuff pls.

3791

Off Topic / why is ass hair so annoying?

« on: January 03, 2016, 07:00:07 PM »

like forget me for ranting about this but it's really pissing me off. i have thick hair overall, but it's mostly thick in my ass crack. it tangles up all the time, so sometimes when i take a stuff it gets stuck in it and i have to shake my ass around the toilet to get it off. sometimes though you're wiping your ass and the next thing you know your ass hair is glued together with stuff and you gotta wash everything.

forget asses. forget ass hair.

3792

Drama / Re: Nickpb, child enthusiast/Child Predator, overall useless piece of stuff

« on: January 03, 2016, 06:45:34 PM »

is kahnuu like the newest problem user here? i believe this is my first time seeing him. might be because he's attracted to the drama board like a loving fly.

3793

Off Topic / Re: The Rec. Drug Thread - FAQ, Q&A, General Information

« on: January 03, 2016, 06:43:20 PM »

forget wishing i had some herb. don't even have any resin to scrape. been really anxious lately and need a downer.

3794

Off Topic / Re: How many times have you been squirted on

« on: January 03, 2016, 06:41:18 PM »

honestly i doubt anyone here. we're all losers.

3795

Drama / Re: Nickpb, child enthusiast/Child Predator, overall useless piece of stuff

« on: January 03, 2016, 02:46:15 AM »

I read this entire thread.

I enjoy this community, I really do. However, it would be nice if I miraculously found friends who are extroverted and hang out with me so I wouldn't have to come here for the human necessity known as interaction. Damn you guys are so negative all time and are always so rude. Always at each others necks.

I know I'm going to regret posting this later.