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I remember thinking you were like a baby back in the day. but 20 doesn't seem that much younger than me. I guess it makes sense though because the difference between like 16 and 12 is a lot more than between 24 and 20

anyway. this is not what the thread's about obviously but I never see u so I am taking the opportunity as it presents itself. how are you. how have u been in these years. I think about you, specifically, more than many other old forumers I have lost contact with, because I kind of envied you. I hope this doesn't sound offensive because I absolutely do not mean it to be but you had kind of been ahead of the curve on "I am cringe but I am free" sort of thing (I'm not calling you cringe I just mean like.......... you seemed unconcerned with whether or not other people thought so and I do believe a lot of people here at least made it apparent that they did) and I think I outwardly expressed it as annoyance but really I wanted that for myself. lately it's not really a problem for me because I am a successful adult so who can really judge me for being weird and cringe. but I was more concerned with seeming normal back then

also I loved your art. aside from the age-old envy I also think about you every single time someone mentions don't hug me I'm scared or, like, one of those object show things
sorry for the awkward reminiscing

I only vaguely remember you because I have memory problems but from this post I think you seem cool and nice :-)
Well looking at my post history the last time I was active was like 2016 so ermm what's happened since then... A lot of things. But also not much at the same time. My mental health has been in hell for most of the past few years but it's sort of gotten better, I'm learning more about what exactly is wrong with me and how to deal with it. Have been repeatedly dealing with it by substance abuse though. Which is fun but not ideal since I almost got hospitalized over it once but anyway maybe I shouldn't go too deep into that on here.
Good things have happened also, I started hrt a few years ago, I'm getting a little better at functioning/talking to people, I'm starting to learn social skills sort of conceptually although I haven't actually used them much yet... This forum being my main source of socialization for [insert amount of months/years I was active on here] did a lot of damage to my brain honestly but I'm getting better from it now at least.
I feel like my mindset back then was kinda good and bad at the same time because it basically boiled down to "everyone hates me forever no matter what, which means there's no point in trying to repress myself and act normal because they'll still hate me, so I can do whatever I want". At least that was my coping mechanism in the later years, before that I think I was just too autistic (using that word literally) to understand what made anyone dislike me in the first place. Or something. I only remember in bits and pieces so I don't know... But nowadays I am working on trying to accept that some people will like me and some people won't, and that I'm not normal and that's fine.
I've been making art still but haven't been doing as much lately because of dealing with other things, hopefully I can focus on it more again soon.
Thank you for thinking of me :-) I really appreciate it, I'm very isolated still and knowing I matter to someone in some way is nice

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