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« on: September 10, 2010, 01:53:40 PM »
It all started when our overrated adventurer, DarkSilence, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly relieved, DarkSilence grabbed a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved crap sword was missing! Immediately he called his redheaded stepchild of a 'friend', Jetz. DarkSilence had known Jetz for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Jetz was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little... insensitive. DarkSilence called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Jetz picked up to a very sad DarkSilence. Jetz calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys cringe before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually sassily yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting DarkSilence. Why was Jetz trying to distract DarkSilence? Because he had snuck out from DarkSilence's with the crap sword only three days prior. It was a electric little crap sword... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before DarkSilence got back to the subject at hand: his crap sword. Jetz sneezed. Relunctantly, Jetz invited him over, assuring him they'd find the crap sword. DarkSilence grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Jetz realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the crap sword and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if DarkSilence took the noise-polluting import, he had take at least nine minutes before DarkSilence would get there. But if he took the horse? Then Jetz would be alarmingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Jetz was interrupted by eleven insensitive Dynamite Orcs that were lured by his crap sword. Jetz panicked; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he deftly reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and randomly punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the horse rolling up. It was DarkSilence.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, DarkSilence was out of the horse and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Jetz's front door. Meanwhile inside, Jetz was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the crap sword into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his whale. Jetz was concerned but at least the crap sword was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Jetz sassily purred. With a calculated push, DarkSilence opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish noble genius in a nappy, busted-out hatchback,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Jetz assured him. DarkSilence took a seat conveniently far from where Jetz had hidden the crap sword. Jetz sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But DarkSilence was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Jetz noticed a clueless look on DarkSilence's face. DarkSilence slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Jetz felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when DarkSilence asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the crap sword right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on DarkSilence's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. DarkSilence nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Jetz could react, DarkSilence randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The crap sword was plainly in view.
DarkSilence stared at Jetz for what what must've been eight millseconds. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Jetz groped earnestly in DarkSilence's direction, clearly desperate. DarkSilence grabbed the crap sword and bolted for the door. It was locked. Jetz let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, DarkSilence,' he rebuked. Jetz always had been a little selfish, so DarkSilence knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Jetz did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his crap sword tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Jetz looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from DarkSilence. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for DarkSilence. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Jetz walked over to the window and looked down. DarkSilence was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, DarkSilence was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Jetz's place. DarkSilence had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Dynamite Orcs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the crap sword. One by one they latched on to DarkSilence. Already weakened from his injury, DarkSilence yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dynamite Orcs running off with his crap sword.
But then God came down with His easygoing smile and restored DarkSilence's crap sword. Feeling pleased, God smote the Dynamite Orcs for their injustice. Then He got in His hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle and jetted away with the fortitude of 153 man-eating capybaras running from a enlarged pack of spotted wolf hamsters. DarkSilence skipped with joy when he saw this. His crap sword was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, Big Brother, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When long-haired sea monkeys meet contraceptive'). DarkSilence was contented. And so, everyone except Jetz and a few bloody glove-toting long-haired sea monkeys lived blissfully happy, forever after.
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