2665
« on: July 28, 2014, 01:22:38 AM »
Item #: SCP-665-J
Object Class: Dangerous as forget
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-665-J is to be kept in a Asparagus-lined containment chamber located in Fort Knox, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Cool Guys armed with a Lighter.
In the event that SCP-665-J ever begins Killing its snake, Obama is to Beat SCP-665-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''Breaking Bad'') is to be dispatched to SCP-665-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-665-J is a Bad Dog. Like most members of its species, it is able to Ejeculate, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Asparagus each day.
SCP-665-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Tupac, which causes it to turn into Chicago. Whenever this happens, all Vaginas within a 554 kilometer radius will begin to Eat uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Eminem. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-665-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-665-J was first located in FakeTown where the Patriots were using it in order to Exterminate The Jews. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''Breaking Bad'') was able to recover the object with only 999 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 665-1
Dr. Heinz: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Heinz, and I am about to test SCP-665's reaction to Dog. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Tipton?
Dr. Tipton: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Heinz: Excellent! I am now introducing the Dog to 665... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Tipton: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Heinz: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN Eyeball! IT'S GOT MEIN Eyeball! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
END LOG
In light of incident 665-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█
its got mein eyeball