Please provide CONSTRUCTIVE critCIAm...Or however it's spelled.
I just typed this up, and I wanted to share it. Tell my what you think!
Frontier Skies
The Iron Legend
Prologue
It was another warm night aboard the Steam Eagle. There was some turbulence as it passed through another cluster of clouds. Above deck, a few passengers were celebrating the return of a friend. Their merriment was cut short by an explosion near the bow of the ship, causing it to veer to the left in a violent fashion. Some of them held on to the rail, while others rushed to get below deck. Before they could do so, a shadowy figure blocked the entrance. It wore a huge trench coat and wide brimmed hat. There was a large gauntlet in the place of the right arm, hissing as steam escaped from vents on the mechanical shoulder. The left arm was equally large, but instead of metal, there was muscle.
“Now, where do you think you’re going?” The voice was male and rugged. “You might miss all the fun.” He raised his gauntlet and pointed it at the nearest person. A man, no older than twenty-three, looked into the barrel of cannon. His eyes pleaded for mercy he knew he would not be granted. “Goodbye, fellow. Have a nice flight,” the figure chuckled as he blasted the man off of the ship, blood splattered in a grotesque line across the deck. “Vincent, tie them to rail,” the figure yelled.
“Aye, Captain!” A younger but equally rugged voice called back. A heavy thud came from behind the passengers. “Now, I’m going to make this quick and painless. Well, I’ll try, at least,” Vincent said as he threw a punch at the nearest man, and threw him to the rail. He did so with the rest of the men. He maneuvered the women in a much gentler fashion, sitting them down and tying their mouths shut. He pulled a few circular devices out of his pocket, and threw them onto the chest of each person. They whirred as long metallic tentacles reached around their victims and constricted their movement.
“Good job, Vincent, now we can proceed below deck,” the Captain said as he turned around and kicked away the blast door leading to the lower quarters. A few guards looked at him in surprise as he bum-rushed them into the wall, holding their throats in each of his hands. A sickening crunch and they slid to the floor, heads rolling without restraint. “Vincent, check these quarters, I shall proceed further.”
“Aye, sir,” Vincent said as they parted ways. He walked into a room and looked around it. He didn’t find anything of value in the drawers or the wardrobe. But the wardrobe itself was quite the catch, made of mahogany and maple, given a gloss finish with an elegant design dancing across the doors. So he went to work unscrewing it to fit it into the crates.
Further below, chaos erupted as the Captain took down a group of guards. He shot a cannon ball at the nearest one, slamming him into to wall. Another appeared from behind a corner, and shot at him with a machine gun. Steam filled the air as it over-heated. The Captain grinned and picked him up by his neck and slammed him into another guard. With that, he proceeded to turn the corner into the next part of the ship. He opened two double doors that led into the kitchen. He walked over to a boiling pot and took a sip. “Huh, not too shabby,” he said as he took a few of the cookbooks on the counter and put them in an empty potato sack lying nearby.
Vincent stuffed the last of the wardrobe into his sack and hoisted it over his shoulder. He started walking down the steps toward the kitchen when he heard softened footsteps coming from behind him. He dropped the sack and turned around, only to be hooked by an unknown force. He staggered to the left and shook his head. “Well, what do we have here?” He looked up towards the person, but only got a glimpse of fierce green eyes as he was kicked down the steps. He chuckled, got up, and dusted himself off. He turned towards the steps to meet his assailant face to face. His smile turned to a frown as he looked at an obviously female body in a white trimmed blue cloak. Her arms were raised in a defensive stance. She looked determined as his frown fell further. Vincent furrowed his brows. “I can’t fight you; I have this thing about hittin’ chi-“He was cut off as she round housed him across his face, sending him toward to floor in a daze.
Chapter 1: Heist
Alyssa relaxed her stance as the intruder fell to the ground. She sighed and cautiously walked into the kitchen. She opened it slightly, just enough to poke her head out into the area. It looked untouched. She moved carefully, making sure not to cause anything to make a sound. She got halfway across the room when a knock on the door leading to where she left the stranger caused her to jump. She turned around to see him kicking the door down. He cracked his knuckles and twisted his neck.
“Now, what I don’t understand,” He said,” Is why you had to do that. I mean really, I’m not going to hurt you, I thought I established that already.” He circled around he, like a shark. She blinked, surprised, but did not lower her guard. He must have gotten bored, because he turned suddenly and pushed her slightly. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to cause her to back into the counter. While she was correcting herself, he threw a circular device onto her chest, or rather, above her bust. It whirred as metal tentacles sprang out of it and encircled her, tightening until she could no longer move. She cursed under her breath.
“There you go, lass,” Vincent said as she struggled to move. He ran through the next set of double doors. He could tell the captain had been through here. Guards lay in ruins on the floor. Some were still breathing. Others were not so fortunate. He rummaged through their person, picking the occasional gold piece out of their pockets. He ran down the stairs towards the cargo bay. There, the Captain was giving orders to some of his crewmates as they moved certain crates towards the hole they had blasted in the wall.
“Ah, Vincent. Had any luck?” The Captain said to his first mate.
“Eh, I got this wardrobe. Really, it’s nothing.”
“Ah, well. Help them get these crates on the ship.”
“Aye, Captain Grimm,” Vincent said as he walked towards his mates. They were trying to push a large crate, but found no luck. “I got an idea, but let’s wait until everything else is on board,” Vincent suggested. Jax looked up at him.
“Are you sure? I remember what happened last time we tried on of your ideas,” she looked at him venomously. Vincent shrugged.
“Better than leaving that here, I bet.”
After all the goods had been brought over to their ship, and everyone was onboard, Vincent ran back up towards the control room. Captain Grimm gave him the green on his plan. As he reached the control room, a whimper came from inside it. He opened the door. Two men, Vincent identified by the captain and co-pilot of the ship, were sitting a corner. “Fairies,” Vincent spat, and slammed their heads together, rendering them unconscious. He looked at the controls and moved a knob to the right. The ship tilted slowly. He grinned and moved the knob further, having to grab onto the chair to stop himself from crashing out the window.
Alyssa struggled to get free, but every time she slipped, the device tightened its grip on her. She was about to give up when a load groan came from the ship. She felt the gravity shift, and every seemed to happen in slow motion. She started sliding to the counter. As she did so, a rack of knives on the counter fell over. A particularly huge knife took longer to fall. She hit the counter, and it fell out of place. She watched in horror as it fell toward her. She closed her eyes, waiting for it to pierce her abdomen and end her existence. Instead, she heard the sound of wires being torn and metal upon metal. She felt the device loosen its grip, and she pulled herself free. The knife had plunged itself into the machine instead of her.
She rushed toward the control room, where she knew he would be. She attempted to get up the stairs, but due to the shift in gravity, she could not. She heaved a frustrated sigh and flicked her wrists. Two elongated blades came from below her wrists. She plunged them into the wall. Using her blades, she was able to climb to the control room. Just as she made it to the top, the ship groaned again, and shifted back into its original state. The movement jerked her off the wall and she hit the railing of the steps. She winced as the shock spread throughout her body. She limped up the steps and fell into the control room. She heard a chuckle as she blacked out.
“Persistent aren’t we?” Vincent said between clenched teeth as he heard the woman slicing through the metal of the walls. He turned the ship over, so that it was in its original position. A few seconds after the ship was rested into its original axis, she burst through the door. Vincent looked in shock as she looked him in the eye menacingly, and then dropped to the floor. “Ouch. You don’t look so good there,” he said to her. He was walking out the room when he looked back at her. His eyes narrowed, as she tried to get up, but fell to the floor once more. He sighed, knowing what he was about to do was in total violation of the Captain’s codes. He walked over to her and hoisted her on his shoulder.
“I guess we could find some use for you on the ship,” he said.
“I got a use for her, Vince,” said Skinner. He grinned as he reached to grope her body. Vincent frowned and slapped him away. “Jesus, man! Have some dignity. Last time I checked, you were engaged!” Skinner huffed. “You and I know damn well that the only reason I’m here is to get away from that witch. Besides, we already have Jax, and she refuses to put in.” Vincent clenched his hands into a fist, and turned around to floor Skinner. Which he did.
“You touch her again, I swear to God I’ll kill you,” Vincent said. Skinner wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, looked at him venomously. He walked out of the room, and the Captain barged his way in.
“No,” the Captain said.
“Captain, wait-“
“No. Get her off my ship. Now.”
“Grimm, hear me out-“Vincent was cut off as the Captain slammed him into the wall.
“Vincent, need I remind you are only first mate. I am the Captain, I make the rules. Get her off.”
“I’d be happy to get her to get me off, Captain!” Skinner said. The Captain grimaced. “See? This is why I don’t want her on my ship!” He said as he picked her up by her arms, cuffed together by a steel clasp. He dragged her towards the deck, as she started kicking and screaming. Vincent looked on in horror as The Captain dangled her from the rail.
“Goodbye, fair maiden!”
-Forum format may have raped it, I typed this as a MO word document.
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