Frkn awsum 11/10 wud reidd agen
Few things to work on;
Meter. You don't seem to have anything approaching the same amount of syllables in each pair of lines. You should probably stick to all being the same or possible one syllable off. You range from ten syllables to sixteen.
Reread. It's pretty important for presentation not to have any typos (though in stead of thought) but other than that one, you did just fine, so no biggy.
Point. I know this is kind of mean, but really, there should be an incentive for the reader to continue. Try to incorporate more plot, humor, or anything really that would make the reader want to continue.
That's really all I have to say. Your rhyming was just fine.
EDIT: Aww, Daemon, thanks for that.
