Try this:
Dear ___,
My name is ___, my name is ___ because my dad knew a lot of ___s. My middle name is ___, my middle name is ___ because my paint sniffing uncle is named ___. My last name is ___ because it's the family name. Why in the forget would you need a detailed background of my name? Are you testing my literacy by making me do a huge loving project on why my name is the way it is? It's not that complicated you (Bitch if female, richard if male). If you really need content to take up my time that badly, why not just ask the school board to make school last all day?
forget you,
-____
Poll