FACADE STAGEPLAY
Wed Jul 24 17 29 23 2013
GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?
TRIP
What, Grace... this?
GRACE
Yes, you know how I feel about it --
TRIP
I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!
GRACE
You know I've had to ask you about this several --
TRIP
Get off my back! I'll get rid of it in just a minute!
GRACE
Fine, Trip... fine...
GONZALO
IF SOMEONE DOESNT COME OUT
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
Gonzalo!!
TRIP
Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! Great to see you! It's been -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Uh...
TRIP
Well -- (interrupted)
GRACE
No, no, here we are!
GRACE
Gonzalo,
GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh it's so nice to see you, it feels like it's been forever!
TRIP
Yeah, yeah, how are you doing?
GRACE
I just asked him that...
TRIP
I can ask too!
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
GRACE
Well, make yourself at home, come on in!
GONZALO
Who is she?
TRIP
Whoops, I need to go close the door.
GRACE
So, please, make yourself at home...
(Trip closes the front door.)
GRACE
Gonzalo, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have. -- (interrupted)
PHONE
** RING **
TRIP
Oh, I'll get it --
GRACE
No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up.
PHONE
** RING **
GRACE
Trip, please dear, don't be rude.
TRIP
Grace, no, I want --
PHONE
** RING **
GRACE
It's probably just the execs at work inviting you to another one of your precious 'high class poker games'.
PHONE
** RING **
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
ANSWERING MACHINE
** click **
ANSWERING MACHINE
You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!
ANSWERING MACHINE
** beep **
ANSWERING MACHINE
Grace, this is your father, I thought I'd call to see how my lovely daughter is doing.
TRIP
Oh, it's your parents! I'll get it --
GRACE
Trip, Trip, please, I don't want to talk to them right now...
TRIP
I want to say hello --
GRACE
No no, Trip, we're entertaining -- (interrupted)
(GONZALO picks up the phone.)
GRACE
Gonzalo, no! Please don't do that.
ANSWERING MACHINE
I want you and Trip to come up to the house this weekend, your mother and I are throwing a party for a senior VP at the firm, and you should be there.
PHONE
Ah, Grace? ...
GONZALO
hi
PHONE
Grace? Hello?
GRACE
Uhh, it's my dad, I can hear his voice.
TRIP
Oh!
GONZALO
KNEEL BEFORE GONZALO
PHONE
Who is this? Grace is that you?
GRACE
Okay, he's being annoying, as usual... just -- just hang it up.
PHONE
I don't recognize your voice...
PHONE
Excuse me, I must have the wrong number... ** click **
GONZALO
hang on
GONZALO
beep boop beep
TRIP
Well, Grace's parents... They're something else, really classy people --
GRACE
Uhh, no, they're impossible, they expect me to drive up to the house in Connecticut to attend all their stupid socialite charity benefits and parties, it's so tiresome.
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
GRACE
Well... it didn't take long for you two to... bond, or whatever...
GRACE
Yes, you can help me understand where I went -- (interrupted)
GONZALO
Hello? Tony?
GRACE
Oh, um, well... I want to ask you... -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Gonzalo, are you -- are you looking for something?
GONZALO
Hang on guys
TRIP
There's really not much to see in there, it's just the kitchen...
GONZALO
Yes, I would like some guns
TRIP
Okay, anyway... I forget what we were talking about...
TRIP
Gonzalo, let me get you a drink.
GONZALO
And molotovs, those would be good
TRIP
Y -- yeah, yeah, time for a drink.
TRIP
So, what's your poison?
TRIP
How does a martini sound?
TRIP
The guy I play squash with introduced me to this drink, it's really amazing.
GRACE
Now Trip don't get too worked up with the drinks tonight...
GONZALO
Hang on tony, ill call you back
TRIP
Oh... you know our wedding picture is the first thing everyone notices when they enter the room.
(GONZALO puts down the phone.)
GRACE
Well, geez, how could they miss it?
TRIP
Well, yeah...
GRACE
You know I don't think it really goes with this room anymore.
GONZALO
GONZALO WANTS RED WINE
TRIP
Ha ha, well, -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Oh yeah, that's even better!
(GONZALO picks up the red wine bottle.)
GRACE
No no,
GRACE
Gonzalo, maybe you'd like just a simple glass of white wine?
GONZALO
CHUG CHUG CHUG
GONZALO
GRACE, DRINK THE RED WINE
TRIP
Oh yeah, great idea, great idea!
TRIP
Okay! Good! I'll just whip up these bad boys real quick!
TRIP
(quiet humming)
GRACE
(little sigh) Trip has always been partial to winning his friends over by way of the mixed drink.
TRIP
Grace, I know what you want, but I'll ask anyway... what would you like to drink? -- (interrupted)
GONZALO
I DONT CARE
(GONZALO puts down the red wine bottle.)
TRIP
Uh, yeah, I -- I was just going to ask Grace what she wants.
(GONZALO picks up the brass bull.)
GRACE
Dammit, Trip, you know I can't stand the sight of that goddamn bull, I want it out of --
(GONZALO puts down the brass bull.)
TRIP
Jesus, Grace, it was a gift, and an expensive one at that!
GRACE
I don't want anything from Barcelona in this apartment...
(GONZALO picks up a trinket 4.)
(GONZALO puts down a trinket 4.)
(GONZALO picks up a trinket 4.)
GRACE
Oh, I've been, uh, collecting these sculptures for a while now...
(GONZALO puts down a trinket 4.)
TRIP
Aren't they cool? Makes you feel like you're in an art museum.
GRACE
Trip, no --
TRIP
What, I thought you'd like that...!
GRACE
(little sigh)
GRACE
As for my drink...
GRACE
I'm not in the mood to drink tonight.
(GONZALO picks up the advice ball.)
GRACE
Nothing for me.
TRIP
Nothing?
(The advice ball reads, "Sure Thing")
(GONZALO shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP
Okay.
(The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")
(GONZALO shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Maybe Later")
(GONZALO shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP
(little sigh)
TRIP
Ah, Gonzalo, maybe you didn't come here to hear this...
(The advice ball reads, "Yes")
(GONZALO puts down the advice ball.)
GRACE
What?
GONZALO
I would like a martini
GRACE
Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend -- -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Oh, yeah, you know, I think I'll fix us another drink in not too long...
TRIP
Oh, Gonzalo, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy. -- (interrupted)
GONZALO
Wine please
GRACE
Uhh, -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Alright, here you go!
(GONZALO picks up a player's drink.)
GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.
TRIP
Um... uhh, Now, -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Gonzalo, this is making you uncomfortable. See Trip, was it really worth it to fly us all the way to Italy so you could take that inane picture?
GRACE
(little sigh) I'll take the picture down later tonight before I go to bed.
TRIP
Grace...!
(GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
TRIP
(short petulant sigh)
(GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
TRIP
Gonzalo, this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon.
(GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
GRACE
Oh, was that what it was? Huh, I'm always the last to know.
(GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
TRIP
Grace, I wanted us to spend some time together...!
(GONZALO puts down a player's drink.)
(GONZALO picks up the red wine bottle.)
(GONZALO puts down the red wine bottle.)
GRACE
Trip thinks carting me off to Europe will, how did you put it, thaw me out a little bit? -- (interrupted)
GONZALO
need more win
GRACE
Yeah -- no -- Trip tricked me into going!
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
GONZALO
I WANT MORE WINE
GRACE
Alright, good, maybe you're on my side tonight after all, ha ha.
TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!
GONZALO
WINE
TRIP
Goddamn italy...
TRIP
I try to reach out to you, I try to be romantic with you, -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Gonzalo, no, I'm not fixing you a -- (interrupted)
GONZALO
WINE WINE WINE BEER BEER
GRACE
Yeah, okay, again with that, okay...
GRACE
(impatient sigh) Gonzalo, I...
GONZALO
I WANT BEER'
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
TRIP
Yeah, Gonzalo, yeah...
GONZALO
BEER
TRIP
I know what you're about to say...
TRIP
How you keep talking about the goddamn wedding picture. -- (interrupted)
GONZALO
WINNEEE
TRIP
Huh? What, what -- what was that?
GRACE
My goddamn parents...
GONZALO
AHHH
GRACE
I wish you would just be yourself! Ever since I've known you, you resist just being yourself!
TRIP
Oh, Christ...!
TRIP
Goddamn manipulation...
TRIP
Grace, I -- I just want to be together, and be happy, can you just see that?
GRACE
Oh, sure, yeah!
TRIP
Can't we just do that?
GONZALO
STOP ARGUING
TRIP
Okay, you know what, Gonzalo,
GONZALO
STOp
TRIP
I need to ask you something.
GONZALO
STOP NOW
GRACE
Trip --
TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.
GONZALO
BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP
TRIP
Gonzalo, yes or no...
TRIP
If one person in a marriage gives the other advice, and that advice is taken -- years later, can you get blamed for that?
GONZALO
GOD DANGIT
GRACE
What...?!
GONZALO
SHUT UP
GRACE
Oh, okay... fine...
GRACE
Goddammit! How can I be happy when you act this way, Trip? Huh? I'm miserable!
(GONZALO picks up the red wine bottle.)
TRIP
Oh, Christ...! -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Uhh! Yeah, go on, go away!
TRIP
I can't stand frigging looking at you!
GONZALO
bro
TRIP
What the... goddammit!
TRIP
uhh!
GONZALO
im leaving soon if this doesnt work
TRIP
What are you saying? What?
GRACE
What, Trip? Are you trying to talk to me?
TRIP
I was not talking to you!
TRIP
Gonzalo, this has never ever happened before...!
GONZALO
Hang on
GRACE
Gonzalo, in -- in what you said before, about marriage... I think we've already learned something about Trip.
(GONZALO puts down the red wine bottle.)
(GONZALO picks up a Trip's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me, are we?
GONZALO
what?
GRACE
What?
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
GRACE
Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on..
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
TRIP
They're vacations! Expensive ones at that!
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
(GONZALO sips his Trip's drink.)
GRACE
Of course nobody thinks to ask me what I want.
(GONZALO puts down a Trip's drink.)
GONZALO
GIMME WINE
TRIP
Gonzalo, does -- (interrupted)
GRACE
God, Gonzalo, I'm getting really tired of talking about Trip's stuff, God...
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
GONZALO
Now would be a good time
TRIP
Let's talk some more about Grace.
(GONZALO picks up the phone.)
GRACE
Oh, Gonzalo, look, I know you're trying to help, but right now we just need get this all out in the open...
GONZALO
Hello? Tony?
TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.
GRACE
Trip, you just pretend to like all this stuff... fancy cigars, and fine wine...
GONZALO
Yeah I need an orbital strike
TRIP
You think I'm not good enough...!
GRACE
I never said that! I'm saying there's more to you than all this... -- (interrupted)
GONZALO
Kill both of them
TRIP
Yeah, I -- I have good taste...! I know about... mmm... wines... and stuff!
GONZALO
Got it?
GRACE
Ugh.
TRIP
Let's keep the focus on us, not just one person.
GRACE
Trip, can't you see, it's the way you speak, the way you talk to me...!
TRIP
What, I'm not allowed to be angry?
GRACE
You tell me what to do, you don't listen.
TRIP
Gonzalo, I'm not telling her what to do, I'm trying to help her!
GONZALO
Bro
TRIP
See, I'm the one trying to reach out to you, Grace...
GONZALO
Bro
GRACE
Uhh...
GONZALO
Shut up, both of you
TRIP
Alright, Gonzalo, that's it, you've got to leave.
TRIP
We invited you over, but this is just not working out.
GONZALO
I GOT YOUR PHONE
(Trip opens the front door.)
GONZALO
SUCKER
TRIP
We'll be fine -- just go.
(Trip closes the front door.)
GONZALO
k
