Rentaria Storys: Shadows of Fog

[JD]

Mixing up the name with pronouns is better, spices up the story a bit.

He just said that.

[Ad Bot]

[Dippindots]

Not really.

[Xamples]

look don't listen to what dippindots is saying. To be honest I found it a good story and I actually want to read the rest. I think you have described the scenes perfectly and if you describe to much it doesn't leave the reader to use their imagination much and I think stories that leave parts open for the reader to use his imagination keep the reader more interested in the story. If you fixed the grammar and everything up and the story stays as interesting as you have already written, then i would gladly buy a copy of your book for $10 if it was 50 pages but if it was around 300 then id gladly pay $20. Keep up the good work and keep us updated on how the story progresses. ;)

[Sabbin]

At first I thought it said:  Rentaria Storys: Shadows of cigarette

[Dippindots]

look don't listen to what dippindots is saying. To be honest I found it a good story and I actually want to read the rest. I think you have described the scenes perfectly and if you describe to much it doesn't leave the reader to use their imagination much and I think stories that leave parts open for the reader to use his imagination keep the reader more interested in the story. If you fixed the grammar and everything up and the story stays as interesting as you have already written, then i would gladly buy a copy of your book for $10 if it was 50 pages but if it was around 300 then id gladly pay $20. Keep up the good work and keep us updated on how the story progresses. ;)

That's hilarious. I never said the story was bad, which it isn't, although we can't really tell with the meager amount we've been given. I said it was poorly written and he needs to work on his grammar.

[Kobewarrior]

At first I thought it said:  Rentaria Storys: Shadows of cigarette

Lol'd.

look don't listen to what dippindots is saying. To be honest I found it a good story and I actually want to read the rest. I think you have described the scenes perfectly and if you describe to much it doesn't leave the reader to use their imagination much and I think stories that leave parts open for the reader to use his imagination keep the reader more interested in the story. If you fixed the grammar and everything up and the story stays as interesting as you have already written, then i would gladly buy a copy of your book for $10 if it was 50 pages but if it was around 300 then id gladly pay $20. Keep up the good work and keep us updated on how the story progresses. ;)

Thanks.

I'm just saying, but you only have one character, so you don't need to keep calling him by his name, just use "he" or "his".

There isn't only one character. This is a sneak peek.

Seriously. If he ever tries to get this published he will be kicked out of the publishers office. This is not by any standards quality work.  I'm not trying to be overly rude, but if that's how you interpret it then too bad.

Publishers what? I'm mostly doing this for school.

If your not going to show the forums the finished version why are you posting it here?

You're seriously annoying me.

All I'm hoping is that you improve (grammar wise) and have a useful, intelligent moral. If it's just some shoot 'em up story with no real point, I'm going to hate it. Just sayin'.

I'll have a point of the story, don't worry.

[Dippindots]

You said you wanted to make this into a book. If you meant for your school only you should have said so. How about instead of getting agitated, you just answer the question?
If you don't plan on showing the forums the finished version the forums why are you posting it here? I never said that the story itself was bad, no reason to get all worked up. Although the creature coming from the asteroid does seem a little unoriginal, I'm sure it will develop into a unique and interesting tale.

And why? I'm publishing this for my school. Not for the whole world or the forums. I'm just showing everyone what I got so far. And this is my draft, and I will try to fix the errors when I come around to edit and revise.

[Kobewarrior]

I'm mainly showing it to see if anyone likes it, and I should continue on my project.

[Dippindots]

Continue then, by all means.

[Kobewarrior]

Continue then, by all means.

Oright.