War hero, a story by Gentlementlemen on BL.

[Brickarms]

War hero
A war story by Gentlementlemen on Blockland
We were in the plane, ready to jump. We were flying over France at the time then we all heard a PING! The red light turned on. “Were almost to the drop point, Put your hooks up!” Yelled the captain. Then we put or hooks on the rail above, then I started hearing Flak-88’s firing at the plane BAM! BANG! POW! A piece of shrapnel flew and hit the captain “Ugh! Those dang national socialists won’t stop firing!” Then we heard a PING! Again then the captain said “Get ready!” Then we checked all of our equipment.  “5 okay!”   “4 okay!”   “3 okay!” “2 okay!”   “1 okay!”  We all yelled over the engines of the dual propeller plane. “Go go go!” Then we all jumped out of the plane and a parachutes opened they ruffled in the wind as we landed in the national socialist owned territory.
(Part 2 coming soon)

I need some suggestions on part 2
And I do accept construtive critCIAm.

[Ad Bot]

[Fargeaux]

Just some things:
BAM! BANG! and POW! make the story seem comical, instead try: We heard the sound of fire ripping through the hull of our plane or something like that.

Uhhh try to expand your vocab too.


Personally I don't think it's great, but work on it man.

[Brickarms]

Just some things:
BAM! BANG! and POW! make the story seem comical, instead try: We heard the sound of fire ripping through the hull of our plane or something like that.

Uhhh try to expand your vocab too.


Personally I don't think it's great, but work on it man.

Ok.

[Dusty12]

It's a paragraph.

[Qwepir]

here's my war story

bang pow argh im dead

[Dodger]

It's a paragraph.

This. Also, there's no real sense of professionalism in it, and it seems like I could make a story like this in about 3 minutes or less.

[Brickarms]

If you don't like it i'll lock it

[Dodger]

Do it.