Author Topic: A Longing (story)  (Read 1828 times)

A Longing
by me :D

Chapter 1

Have you ever felt a longing for something? Like a part of your heart is missing? This is the exact way I felt as I sat on the street asking for money. Downtown New York is a busy area, with lots of normal average citizens and a lot of people like me, beggars. Taxi cabs come and go every minute or so, and traffic is usually bad.
    The only money I got today was a dollar. Great. All I could probably get with that is a decent bottle of water; and that’s just what I got. It was refreshing, and it actually had a hint of lime. I’m going to save it for tomorrow. Tomorrow is the 4th of July, if I didn’t mention. There will be lots more people on the streets and the sidewalks will be packed with beggars like me, trying to get a decent meal out of the money they made.  
    Life as a beggar is horrible; you usually never have clean clothes. If you get hurt, you don’t have any supplies to bandage and heal it. For example, I have a torn-up shirt. If I slipped and cut myself through the ripped parts, I wouldn’t be able to cover it unless I tore off some more clothing. You see what I mean?
    Can’t even get a decent cup of coffee here without at least five bucks. Only the beggars who have talent can get that. I need to find my talent. Maybe my longing is for a talent? I really can’t tell. When I was a kid my mom said to me that every person in the world has talent. I’m not sure I have talent though. The worse talented beggars I’ve seen are those that can play drums. I can’t play drums, but even if I could, I don’t even have enough materials to make a drum set.
    There goes Hag again. Hag is the envy of all beggars. The only talent he has is drawing, and he still makes a lot of money. He gets one dollar every time a citizen wants him to draw their face. I’d say he gets five dollars every day. I’d say I get about a dollar every day. Not much compared to his five dollars. There was one day he got five dollars just for drawing a person’s dog! I really need to find myself a talent and quick; otherwise I won’t make a single penny tomorrow.


I'm still working on it. Might update later.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2010, 11:28:40 PM by D.A.C.K »

Honestly it was boring. The first chapter is the first impression of a book, you don't want it to turn off the reader.

The description was really bland
and whenever you started describing something decently you dive bombed it
Example:
Have you ever felt a longing for something? Like a part of your heart is missing? This is the exact way I felt as I sat on the street asking for money.