A small story. (Poetic?)

[Jorici]

     The dog trudged home after looking for his boy.
Vinnie, the metallic name on the dog's collar, shone in the dim sunlight.
An unfamiliar stench was in the air, and the dog sniffed it curiously.
The dog halted at the corner, took a whiff, turned, and continued on.
114 Manor street stood there in all it's glory, standing before the dog.
The dog was nothing but flesh and bones at this point, and covered in bruises.
He looked at his food dish, and the once-full bowl of food was no more.
The dog turned around towards the city before keeling over and dying.
The city was no more.

What do you think?

Am I terrible at this or semi-terrible?

[Ad Bot]

[Anti-Block]

I enjoyed it, but you need more colorful language:

     The dog trudged home after searching for his master.
Metallic words etched into a small aluminum plaque, read Vinnie, hung from his neck
The dog smelled an unfamiliar scent, to which he raised his head to smell
The dog halted at the corner and followed the scent down the alleyway.
he crawled along, reaching his abode, the home of his master
The dog was reduced to a husk of himself; his rib poked out obtrusively, his eyes watery, his jaw hung open, ajar, as saliva rolled out of it.
But his cracked, porcelain food dish contained no food.
The dog uttered his last breath, a painful whine, before keeling over and dying.
The city was no more.

[TehZeno]

7Eh D09 7Rud9ed h0me 4F7Er l00k1n' pH0R h12 B0Y.
V1nN1E, 7eh me74LL1C n4Me 0N 7EH d09'2 k0LL4r, SH0NE 1n 7eh d1m sUNl19h7.
4 uNF4M1L14R S7eNCH w42 1N 7eh 41r, 4ND 7eh d09 Sn1FfED 17 KuR10UsLY.
7EH d09 H4l7ED @ 7eh k0rnER, 700K 4 Wh1Ff, 7UrneD, 4ND K0N71NuED 0N.
114 M4N0R S7ree7 S700D 7HERE 1N 4Ll 17'2 9l0Ry, s74ND1n' bEF0re 7eh D09.
7EH d09 w42 N07H1n' bu7 pHlESh 4nd b0NE2 @ 7h12 p01N7, 4Nd k0vErEd 1n Bru1sE2.
HE l00kED @ h12 PH00D d1sH, 4nd 7Eh 0ncE-FUlL B0Wl 0f Ph00D w42 n0 m0rE.
7eH d09 7URNEd 4r0uND 70W4rd2 7eh c17Y beF0re keEl1N' 0Ver 4nd DY1N'.
7Eh c17Y w42 n0 m0re.

[Cheemo]

I think you should have used metallic to modify the dog's collar.

    The dog trudged home after looking for his boy.
Vinnie, the metallic name on the dog's collar, shone in the dim sunlight.
An unfamiliar stench was in the air, and the dog sniffed it curiously.
The dog halted at the corner, took a whiff, turned, and continued on.
114 Manor street stood there in all its glory, standing before the dog.
The dog was nothing but flesh and bones at this point, and covered in bruises.
He looked at his food dish, and the once-full bowl of food was no more.
The dog turned around towards the city before keeling over and dying.
The city was no more.

Or perhaps the engraved name on the canine's collar.

7Eh D09 7Rud9ed h0me 4F7Er l00k1n' pH0R h12 B0Y.
V1nN1E, 7eh me74LL1C n4Me 0N 7EH d09'2 k0LL4r, SH0NE 1n 7eh d1m sUNl19h7.
4 uNF4M1L14R S7eNCH w42 1N 7eh 41r, 4ND 7eh d09 Sn1FfED 17 KuR10UsLY.
7EH d09 H4l7ED @ 7eh k0rnER, 700K 4 Wh1Ff, 7UrneD, 4ND K0N71NuED 0N.
114 M4N0R S7ree7 S700D 7HERE 1N 4Ll 17'2 9l0Ry, s74ND1n' bEF0re 7eh D09.
7EH d09 w42 N07H1n' bu7 pHlESh 4nd b0NE2 @ 7h12 p01N7, 4Nd k0vErEd 1n Bru1sE2.
HE l00kED @ h12 PH00D d1sH, 4nd 7Eh 0ncE-FUlL B0Wl 0f Ph00D w42 n0 m0rE.
7eH d09 7URNEd 4r0uND 70W4rd2 7eh c17Y beF0re keEl1N' 0Ver 4nd DY1N'.
7Eh c17Y w42 n0 m0re.

Leetspeak is loving handicapped, you're not funny.

I enjoyed it, but you need more colorful language:

This.

[Dj Smash]

I enjoyed it, but you need more colorful language: