Poll

What do you think of it so far?

10
1 (6.3%)
9
1 (6.3%)
8
2 (12.5%)
7
2 (12.5%)
6
2 (12.5%)
5
2 (12.5%)
4
5 (31.3%)
3
0 (0%)
2
0 (0%)
1
1 (6.3%)

Total Members Voted: 16

Author Topic: Minecraft story that I'm writing  (Read 577 times)

How does it sound so far? I typed this up all in about ten minutes.

   I awoke to feel the comforting warmth of the sun on my face. I opened my eyes. I don't know who I am, were I am, or how I got here, but I know I have to survive. I rolled over and pushed myself off of the ground only to jump off my feet, and fall on my butt. I looked up in fear. What I saw was a four legged pink creature about half my size. It scanned me with it's round nose. when his nose stopped shaking I half expected him to kill me and end my short life, but instead it carelessly walked away. I stood back up and looked around me. What I saw was a beautiful land of green with a few trees around me. I saw a yellow orb in the sky, it hurt my eyes to observe it's buety. I began to move my feet and explore the land around me, I saw large brown creatures with white spots covering them and small white animals with wings and feathers. I felt comfert in the air as all of these creatures seemed peacefull. That is, untill the yellow orb began to set.

   The once comforting warmth turned to bitter cold that made my body tremble. I saw a creature with two arms, two legs and torn up clothes walking towards me. I could see the rotten flesh and blood falling off of his body as he slowly walked closer and closer to me. The smell was horrid, and I could see one of his eyes clawed out of his head. What had become of this thing? How did it end up like this? And what was it going to do to me? I took a few steps back, turned around and began to run. The horrors I saw all around me were unexplainable. Some how, I managed to survive the night as most of the disgusting creatures burned from the warm sunlight. I knew it was not over, but what I did not know was how to survive.

This is my first recreational writing experiment I have done. Don't flame me too hard, I know it's not perfect. I added a poll, please rate it.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2011, 07:36:11 PM by hankyje »

I already knew this was going to be bad when you misspelled "writing"

>wrighting
>feer
>butieafull

i have a feeling this is a badly conceived joke

That sounds really cool. But you should get a spell checker.

No, it's not a joke, and I fixed the title. I typed this in notepad so there was no spelling fixes. I also fixed a few of the mistakes.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2011, 07:32:35 PM by hankyje »

No, it's not a joke, and I fixed the title. I typed this in notepad so there was no spelling fixes.
how do you not know how to spell beautiful

how do you not know how to spell beautiful

Dunno, but thanks for the correct spelling. I fixed it.

'peaceful' only has one 'l'. Also 'comfort' has two 'o's.
Another note, I believe there is a 'Spell Check' button to help you in looking over errors.

Other than that, it's a nice short story. Really the only thing I can point out besides some spelling errors would be this:
 "...I could see one of his eyes clawed out of his head."
I don't know if it's just me, but I feel that it would read better if it were worded like this:
 "...I could see that one of his eyes had been clawed out of his head."
The first one sort of makes me imagine that the zombie's eye had been clawed out in front of the character, whereas the second one seems to give the notion that it had been clawed out in the past.

Use varied sentence structure, prepositional phrases help. You're starting a bunch with I verbed and The noun.

How does it sound so far? I typed this up all in about ten minutes.

   I awoke to feel the comforting warmth of the sun on my face. I opened my eyes. I don't know who I am, were I am, or how I got here, but I know I have to survive. I rolled over and pushed myself off of the ground only to jump off my feet, and fall on my butt. I looked up in fear. What I saw was a four legged pink creature about half my size. It scanned me with it's round nose. when his nose stopped shaking I half expected him to kill me and end my short life, but instead it carelessly walked away. I stood back up and looked around me. What I saw was a beautiful land of green with a few trees around me. I saw a yellow orb in the sky, it hurt my eyes to observe it's buety. I began to move my feet and explore the land around me, I saw large brown creatures with white spots covering them and small white animals with wings and feathers. I felt comfert in the air as all of these creatures seemed peacefull. That is, untill the yellow orb began to set.

   The once comforting warmth turned to bitter cold that made my body tremble. I saw a creature with two arms, two legs and torn up clothes walking towards me. I could see the rotten flesh and blood falling off of his body as he slowly walked closer and closer to me. The smell was horrid, and I could see one of his eyes clawed out of his head. What had become of this thing? How did it end up like this? And what was it going to do to me? I took a few steps back, turned around and began to run. The horrors I saw all around me were unexplainable. Some how, I managed to survive the night as most of the disgusting creatures burned from the warm sunlight. I knew it was not over, but what I did not know was how to survive.

This is my first recreational writing experiment I have done. Don't flame me too hard, I know it's not perfect. I added a poll, please rate it.

Fix. Nao.