The Pepperknuckle Problem
By Colten
It was a quiet Tuesday morning back at the coffee shop. The usual routine had started – Bob making pancakes, Kristin firing up the batter-blaster, and Carol slicing up the loaves of sweet pepperknuckle bread.
“Hey Carol, we need three more loafs of pepperknuckle bread as soon as possible! No messing around, we’ve got a crowd to feed!” exclaimed Josh, the store manager who seemed to spend more time yelling than managing.
“Alright Josh, I’ll start right away!” Oh Carol, poor thing. I couldn’t imagine having to take Josh’s attitude every second of the day. Meanwhile, Kristin sat chatting away behind the counter, neglecting her duties as always. The only reason she hasn’t been fired yet was her relationship with Josh.
“Kristin darling, could you please get off the phone and pump more flour into the batter-blaster?” Kristin didn’t listen. She never does.
Oh snap, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Derrick. I’ll be narrating this, erm, ‘story’ for you. Anyway, let’s get to the exciting part.
It was around twelve o’clock in the afternoon when she entered – short, plump, and ready to twist the fate of the small coffee shop. We all knew something was coming, it was as if at that very moment we all had developed a sixth sense. The way she walked, the way she talked, even her scent – resembling that of skunk or maybe an algae ridden fish tank – gave me anxiety. She wasn’t just a girl, she wasn’t just a customer, she was something more. She was something evil. It would only be a matter of time before we realized our suspicions were true.
“I’ll take a large coffee, two chocolate cakes, and three loaves of pepperknuckle bread.” You would’ve suspected she was eating for twelve.
“Jesus woman, you think with a figure like that you would” Kristin was immediately interrupted by Josh.
“Purchase more! You would think with a figure like that you would purchase more! Boy do you look like you could use some plumping up!” Nice cover. Josh was always good with the customers.
“True. Ill take four cake pops and another loaf of pepperknuckle bread.” Oh boy. If only Josh knew just what he was bargaining with.
She immediately sat down and began gorging on her meal, a meal that could have easily fed the whole coffee shop and then some. A few minutes later and she had already wiped the plate clean. It was then that something began to stir within her.
“This bread is. This bread is delicious. I need more. More. More!” chanted the woman.
“Helena hungry. Helena need bread!” Suddenly she had thrust herself over the counter and lunged at the batter-blaster. Kristin attempted to intervene.
“Stop! Quick someone alert the authorities! Get away from that batter blaster you whale!” She seemed to have hit a soft spot on the gargantuan beast. Helena quickly turned and thrust a knife into Kristin’s chest. Kristin collapsed on the floor, screaming in agony. It seemed to be only a matter of seconds before Kristin went quiet.
“Kristin!” screamed Josh. “Kristin please! Come back to me! What have you done you monster! Go to hell!” Josh swung down upon Helena with a freshly sharpened butcher knife. It gracefully skimmed the beasts scalp before she swung and knocked Josh against a wall.
“You bastards! I will be leaving with this pepperknuckle bread whether you like it or not!”
I knew I had to do something. There was absolutely no way I could let her leave with that pepperknuckle bread. It was far too valuable; without it we were nothing.
“Hey fat ass, look over here” I taunted. She quickly turned and noticed the pepperknuckle loaf dangling in my hand. “Looks delicious, doesn’t it?”
She started running towards me. Carol caught on to what I was doing and swiftly tied a string from one end of the table to the other.
“Yummy yummy. Me need pepperknuckle. Me want badly!”
Her foot hit the string. This was the moment. The moment that would not only decide the outcome of my life but also Josh’s, Carol’s, the shop’s, and possibly even Kristin’s.
She tripped. Carol opened the door to the batter blaster.
“You wanted this batter so bad? Well eat batter bitch!” She slammed Helena’s face into the scolding hot batter. Helena cried in agony before going silent. Just to be safe Carol drove a kitchen knife into the back of her head. “I doubt this passes the safety code!” exclaimed Carol. I laughed. I ran to aid Josh and Kristin while Carol called the police.
“Derrick. Carol. You two saved this shop,” mumbled Josh as he was wheeled out on a stretcher. “Thank you. You have no idea how much this shop meant to me.”
“It’s alright Josh!” replied Carol. Kristin was wheeled out next. The doctors said she would be alright.
It was a week later in the shop. Everything was back to normal again.
“Hey Kristin! Get off your cell phone! Jesus girl!” yelled Josh.
“Alright! Alright!” exclaimed Kristin as a customer walked in.
“I’ll take a large coffee, two chocolate cakes, and three loaves of pepperknuckle bread.” You would’ve suspected she was eating for twelve.
“Jesus woman, you think with a figure like that you would” Kristin was immediately interrupted by Josh.
“Purchase more! You would think with a figure like that you would purchase more! Boy do you look like you could use some plumping up!” Nice cover. Josh was always good with the customers.
“True. Ill take four cake pops and another loaf of pepperknuckle bread.”
ITS A HORROR. RATE X/10.
