Story: A Tale of Spiders and the Optimistic -- gimme your feedback!

[lolzorz mcgee]

Story can be found here.  (Pastebin because it's late and I can't find a good site to upload text files.  Sorry about the cramped text.)

In short, this is something I've been poking at for a while, and I'm definitely hoping to get a finished product published at some point, probably years from now and under a different title and NOT SHORT.

So, tell me how I did, Blocklanders!
Yes, there was another topic I made, but it was too old to bump and I've made changes since then.

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[Jerkface]

Is this one based off of one of those games, too?  Because I don't understand why they have the need to chase off foxes when it seems like the characters travel about.

[lolzorz mcgee]

Well, uh, if this is the only thing that bothered anyone so far, I guess that's a good sign.

But, this little bit only takes place in three spots; the path to the cave, INSIDE the cave, and out in the fields of the characters' hometown.  They haven't gone far, they're just in the fields of their hometown, which just so happens to have foxes that keep hunting the sheep in the area.

Though, they wouldn't be that common, I guess.  I'll change that later.