Some more stuff said by the flammable Bones4. Transcribed by Hellboy.
Please, indulge.
“Who was the first person to look at the underside of a cow and suck a cow’s richard before that was the one that didn’t make the milk?”
“You think farts are just the ghosts of turtles we’ve ran over?”
“I’m just going to think as I think.”
“How many pigeons are there in a mile? We’d have to use buckets.”
“Since we know how many buckets there are in a mile we’d have to see how many pigeons fit in the bucket… How many buckets are in a mile?”
“Google should have a pigeon to bucket calculator.”
“Calm your tits!”
“Did you hear that fart? That fart died today, a fart lives for a brief moment and then it’s gone. Just like pigtails and black people and auto sports.”
“If you have a box of Tums and there’s only one left, is it Tum? That kind of stuff bothers me! You don’t hear anybody go “Hey you want a Tum?” What the forget are you talking about? He’s like it’s the antacid. Dude I’m trying to watch the movie about Mary or some stuff. But dude you had some spicy stuff you sure you don’t want a Tum? You mean Tums?” Okay dude whatever. But it was really just Tum.”
"Since they have shorts and pants they should have longs, drag them around like a wedding dress maybe they’d have holes for your feet.”
“Gloves are pretty much just hand shoes… Why don’t we have hand socks? It’s like you go to somebodies house and you have to take off your hand shoes before you enter and wipe them on the carpet.”
“Biscuits are like small cakes but are like stuffty cakes. They’re just really stuffty at being cakes.”
“What if instead of fingernails we grew hair in there, every time we try to scratch you’d just tickle yourself. Nail clippers would look suspiciously like scissors.”
“You think horses understand the Holocaust?”
“*AHEM* I’m awake!”
“This is a real story, I spent the first week of my job here taking staples and straighten them into sticks, No one was loving telling me to do it I was just doing it because I was bored.”
“I had a fly commit Self Delete by flying into my piss stream one time, he knew what he was doing, he knew exactly what he was doing.”
“Print out a few copies and start stapling them to stray dogs!”
“I had a friend one time and we had an idea of just getting a rocket, loading it with cats and launching them into space, that would be the most useful purpose for cats that would ever be useful ever.”
“forget off”
“Dude I am so hungry right now that I would literally eat two rats in a wool sock.”
“Like close far? It’s, it’s very close far.”
“King Louis the twenty something lived 20 years on fiber glass. It was a delicacy at the time and they kept like jars of caviar in their walls and fiberglass insulation and when the winter came they realized their family didn’t die this time.”
"Knowledge is knowing half the power!"
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