thanks for the advice!
i don't understand what you mean by "he couldn't forget" being too dramatic. it was (paraphrasing) "He entered the combination on the keypad. Inbrass had been chanting it in his head--he couldn't forget." so it was clearly saying "he couldnt forget the combination"
yeah it is very short. they are just excerpts and if finished there would be hundreds. The nice thing is that it means I can write one a day easily, but I agree that they are just a little bit too short. I might try adding a paragraph or so to each one. They do get longer as it goes, but I feel extremely short dramatic chapters are the best way to engage someone just checking something out.
as I said here:
the chapters are merely excerpts, just 2-6 paragraphs long
While I enjoy the extremely short style at the start, I'd like to systematically increase the length of each chapter. It not only feels like you are developing the stories and characters but also gives space to add in little details people won't care about early on.
I totally agree with the rhyming sentences bit. I hadn't noticed that before but when people rhyme in their posts I find it really distracting. Will reword.
Not moving it from OneDrive. It's written in Microsoft Word so using OneDrive keeps the formatting, text size, and text effects. Some bits are really awkward without italics. It's also very easy to just drag and drop the file into OneDrive, and I can update it without changing the link.
maybe a better word is cracked
Ehhhh... I think shattered works alright. It clearly collided with someone and had cracks all over it. "Cracked" really minimizes the impact. While in most cases I would agree that you assume "shattered" also means "dysfunctional" if you immediately assess that it
is functional it does not count.
the writing is a little awkward in some places, but it is overall quite intriguing.
Yeah, I agree. Second chapter is the least polished IMO. I would appreciate it if you identified awkward sentences for me.
its really more like a novella or a really long short story
Novel is not the write word to describe it, but I don't think Novella is either. It's a collection of related stories, for lack of a better phrase.
