Author Topic: My story  (Read 1212 times)

I don't have a name for it, but it's basically about someone that makes robots in the future.




Chapter 1
The clock played a loud electric sound as the red glowing numbers on it's screen told me the time. 1:00am. My fingers moved slowly as I crafted a small metal gear with one of my tools. I was working all night on the final part of my project. I put a small chip into my computer and then moved my fingers, quietly tapping the keys of my keyboard. I fed the chip lines of code and files. After a while I finally finished, putting the tiny chip into a small metal head. After I worked some more on the head I stood up from my workbench, satisfied with the result. Even though I was tired, I knew I couldn't stop. Through my large thick office windows I could see the entire downtown section of the city Riverlong. I saw the logo of my company on signs, billboards, and buildings. I was wealthy, powerful, and well known. I did not feel like this though, because my life was empty. My skill and intellect allowed me to float on society like a piece of cork on water. I felt like I had left everyone behind, my robots' success keeping me alone at the top. This loneliness was only eased when I worked on new robots, further pushing me away from people.  My robots fought, cleaned, cooked, killed, and saved. I created creatures of war, that tore people apart in seconds. I created robots that would clean your house and cook your food. My creations helped people. No one else could build a machine as fine as mine and anyone that tried was drowned in the shadow of my success. My robots could do everything, but they could not love. They did not feel hate or fear or happiness. I could create a robot that played tennis with you, but he would not care if he lost. My creations would mindlessly complete tasks, ignoring feelings. I knew this is why I am empty. After so much time with my machines I longed for someone to be with. Normal people would ignore me, being my friend only because of what I am. So, 3 months ago  I created a program. It knew what was happening, and made decisions. It would be sad if it lost at a game, laugh at a funny joke, or get angry if I insulted it. I spent weeks tweaking it with entire days spent fixing one bug or glitch. There was only one major problem that handicapped it. My program needed a body.



I have 2 or 3 more notebook pages with stuff, but I don't want to edit and retype them right now. I hope you like the story :D




Sounds like window erotica



You chose to write in a first person perspective and you used I verb so much it becomes repetitive and annoying to read.

meh. 6/10
If you actually feel as if a topic is needed for the art you produce, then giving this rating makes absolutely no sense.

Your art < This story.

Wow, really interesting :D

Inb4 tl;dr

You chose to write in a first person perspective and you used I verb so much it becomes repetitive and annoying to read.
I couldn't think of any other word.

I skimmed.

You talked about yourself too many times, and you used too much sensory detail.

You talked about yourself too many times, and you used too much sensory detail.

Well, he talked about himself for BG info (exposition). And sensory detail? Who knows, maybe its a feature of the main character that will help him later (e.g., hyper-vigilance). These things may seem useless now, yet could lead to something big later on.

Well, he talked about himself for BG info (exposition). And sensory detail? Who knows, maybe its a feature of the main character that will help him later (e.g., hyper-vigilance). These things may seem useless now, yet could lead to something big later on.
True.. I liked it, it was interesting.