Author Topic: A New Home (Poem)  (Read 1384 times)

This is an original Shakespearean sonnet (14 lines, 10 syllables each, rhyme scheme ABAB CDCD EFEF GG) which I wrote for my English class project today. It's the first half-decent poem I've ever written. Please note the use of enjambments, that is, a sentence or idea crossing from one line to the next without punctuation. That is, don't pause at the end of every line, because it will come out sounding very, very strange if you do.

It's about the process of adapting to a new house.



A new home, with new places surrounding
And strangers around; nobody you know
Is around, and the feeling's confounding.
The neighbors welcome you kindly, although

You can't help but feel that something's not right.
This isn't a home, it's only a house.
It is empty, unwelcome, cold and white
And so large! You feel akin to a mouse.

But you bring your things to your new domain
And give the new house a worthy debut.
Realize that it just cannot be the same,
So you can find yourself at home anew.

You'll become familiar with the strange space,
To make it, truly, your home, and your place.



*sigh*
I think I just expended all my creative energy for a week.
I'll try and remember to update the post when it's graded.

Update: I got 110% :D
Said he was glad to see that I put time into it.
Plus it felt a lot better than just throwing some technically-correct one to scrape up a passing grade.
« Last Edit: January 19, 2010, 07:27:34 PM by xC »



In the year of 1775
A messenger came to thee at the hour of 5
Told of a battle of between we and them on Breed's Hill, he only heard a trifle
I opened my armoire, and grabbed my rifle
Headed for the hill
The air seemed oh so still
A man shouted, "You, sir, come fight!"
I headed for the trenches, they were very tight
That I saw, a ship coming over the rim of the Earth
Many men quickly burned their memories in a nearby hearth
The bullets then flew
Almost so hot they looked like silver goo
I fired my musket ball into the midst of it all
To find that I had shot someone, an easy target, very tall.
We fought them off not once, not twice
Thrice.
Until I heard, "retreat"
I stumbled onto my little feet
The battle was over
Sad to be defeated
This war is not over.
I just know.

I just made this up.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2010, 05:35:52 PM by CUCUMBER! »



My poem:

Ps3 sucks
Xbox 360 sucks
Wii sucks
PC all the way.

I liked the opening but in the middle it sounded like you were just trying to rhyme, although I know you weren't. Rhyming isn't necessary, free-verse would be pretty sick if you did it, bro. :3

My poem:

Ps3 sucks
Xbox 360 sucks
Wii sucks
PC all the way.
  :cookieMonster:
ON-TOPIC: Good poem :D

A bump, I forgot to update it.

When you used that exclamation point after large, it sort of changed the feel that I was getting from the opening. It doesn't have much of a mood, I don't know, there's something off. :s
It's not bad though, that's for sure.