Off Topic > Games
Façade - The whole game is a glitch
Chocolatemonster:
Bump, and apparently they dont like melons or rhinos.
TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?
GRACE
What for?
TRIP
That should be obvious!
(Jim knocks on the front door.)
(Jim knocks on the front door.)
GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Oh, he's here!
GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!
TRIP
No, he's right on time!
GRACE
Trip...!
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
Jim!!
TRIP
Hi! It's so great to see you! -- (interrupted)
JIM
RHINO ATTACK
JIM
hi
TRIP
Uh... well you're -- (interrupted)
GRACE
No, no, here we are!
GRACE
Jim,
JIM
hey grace
GRACE
Hi! How are you? God it's been a while! -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Aw, H-mmm (happy smile sound) -- (interrupted)
(JIM kisses grace.)
GRACE
Oh, yes, let's... (polite kiss on cheek)
GRACE
Aren't you sweet.
JIM
melon rhino
GRACE
Well, -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Alright, Jim, that's it, you've got to leave.
(Trip opens the front door.)
JIM
WHAT DID I SAY D:
TRIP
We'll be fine -- you just have to go.
(Trip closes the front door.)
(JIM knocks on the front door.)
(JIM knocks on the front door.)
(JIM knocks on the front door.)
(JIM knocks on the front door.)
(JIM knocks on the front door.)
Comatose:
My stageplays don't work when I try to get them. It shows there's no file.
mrlolop:
I remember playing this game around a year ago. It's real fun to just screw around and see if you can still beat the game.
IkeTheGeneric:
FACADE STAGEPLAY
Mon Jul 12 11 05 17 2010
TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?
(Dan knocks on the front door.)
(Dan knocks on the front door.)
TRIP
Uhp, he's here!
GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!
TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!
GRACE
Trip...!
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
Dan!!
DAN
boner
TRIP
Hi! It's so great to see you! -- (interrupted)
DAN
boner
(Trip closes the front door.)
GRACE
No, no, here we are!
GRACE
Dan,
GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh it's so nice to see you, it feels like it's been forever!
DAN
i feel like stuff
GRACE
Uh...
GRACE
Well, um... make yourself at home, I guess...
DAN
stop making me uncomfortable
GRACE
Uh...
GRACE
Dan, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have. H-mmm (happy smile sound)
DAN
wonderful?
GRACE
Y -- yeah, we've -- we've missed you.
TRIP
Hey, I just realized something.
DAN
Holy god you've mixed up
TRIP
Y -- yeah, tonight is special!
TRIP
Dan, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us.
TRIP
Senior year of college!
DAN
you mean the times we got smashd
TRIP
Wha... uh...
GRACE
Oh, Trip, he's just teasing you... It's good, we all need that once in a while.
DAN
We got so drunk we had some
TRIP
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna fix us some drinks in a sec!
TRIP
Good news, I just fully loaded the bar, with the real quality stuff... only the best for my guests. -- (interrupted)
DAN
repeating history!
DAN
:3
TRIP
Uh, well, all I can say is, tonight means a lot to me, and Grace.
DAN
:3
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
DAN
:This guy is a douche
TRIP
Um, well, without you, we wouldn't even have this celebration.
DAN
God damn it
TRIP
Um, well, without you, we wouldn't -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Y -- yeah, well, uh, well, uh, it's good to see you again.
DAN
I should kill myself, to end this
TRIP
uh...
GRACE
Okay, well, I was worried there for a bit you were on Trip's side tonight, ha ha.
DAN
The window, is it locked?
TRIP
So! Drinks!
DAN
Yes
TRIP
I'll make us something really fun,
TRIP
like margaritas?
DAN
What the hell are you holding
TRIP
Ah, yes.
TRIP
Perfect!
GRACE
Dan, I think you'd prefer something simple and light, like a nice glass of chardonnay, yes?
DAN
Or a cup of urine
TRIP
Okay look I'm just going to open a bottle of merlot and make everybody happy.
TRIP
Dan, trust me, it's good stuff. -- (interrupted)
DAN
god yes
GRACE
So anyway,
GRACE
Yeah, a glass of wine is seems so much better right now than one of your classy drinks.
DAN
ill have that beer
TRIP
Oh, yeah, y -- you know, I should fix you a real drink in not too long...
TRIP
In terms of drinks...
DAN
I would have a real drink
GRACE
As for my drink...
GRACE
The merlot sounds fine.
TRIP
Oh! Uh... Okay.
GRACE
Yeah, ha, maybe you can give me your honest opinion about where I went wrong with my new -- (interrupted)
DAN
now we have some good stuff
TRIP
Ah, see, I knew he would like it! I knew you would like it, everybody does.
GRACE
(little sigh)
DAN
It looks like you
GRACE
Oh, um, well... I -- I want to ask you...
DAN
bad
TRIP
Here Grace, I poured you the first glass.
DAN
What?
GRACE
Okay, thanks.
GRACE
So, about my decorating...
GRACE
Uhh... I was hoping to -- (interrupted)
DAN
Give me the damn glass already
GRACE
(little sigh) So I tried for a certain kind of style in this room...
DAN
It has none
GRACE
but it's... just... -- (interrupted)
TRIP
W -- well, uh, it, it always amazes me, how after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace still has the energy to decorate... -- (interrupted)
DAN
NO STYLE GOD DAMN IT
TRIP
W -- wait, wait, wait... uh, take a -- take a closer look... You have to let it soak in a little while before you say anything.
TRIP
Here we are... hope you like it!
DAN
Holy god
(DAN picks up a player's drink.)
GRACE
Uhh... I'm sure I can return most of this, and try to start over again on this room...
(DAN sips his player's drink.)
DAN
This stuff tastes like stuff
GRACE
Oh, really?
(DAN puts down a player's drink.)
TRIP
Well, well, I was right Grace, you're the only one unhappy with your decorating.
GRACE
Oh. Okay. I just thought you understood me, that's all. Hmm, I'm going to return most of this anyhow. I have to redo this room. -- (interrupted)
DAN
It looks like somebody took a dump
GRACE
Oh let's not talk about my decorating anymore, I'm redoing the room this week, that's all there is to it. -- (interrupted)
DAN
A bloody dump
GRACE
If that's how you feel... (annoyed sigh)
DAN
It really looks bad
GRACE
(big sigh) -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Listen to us, we're arguing in front of our friend.
DAN
Hell yes
GRACE
You don't agree? Okay, well...
TRIP
Grace, come on, that kind of statement is not helpful...
GRACE
Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend --
TRIP
Disagreeing?! We're NOT disagreeing. We're, we're not.
DAN
Your face is not helping
TRIP
N -- no, no, and we're, we're, uh -- we're not disagreeing.
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
DAN
YES YOU ARE DAMN IT
GRACE
You know Trip, that little advice ball of yours doesn't look good on the bar.
TRIP
What? It's a hilarious little bar toy.
GRACE
It's lame. It's a crappy piece of plastic sitting -- (interrupted)
DAN
it looks better shoved up your ass
TRIP
Okay, you know what, I'm getting tired of talking about this...
GRACE
Trip! What are you --
TRIP
No you two stay here and keep chatting about whatever, I need a break...
DAN
In her pooper huehue
GRACE
Where are you going?
TRIP
I'm just going to get something from the kitchen.
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
TRIP
Christ, what the hell is going on...
DAN
getting your gun, trip?
DAN
wtf
TRIP
What? Oh...
TRIP
Dan,
DAN
put the gun down
TRIP
I... uhh... -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Is this why you came in here, to tell me this? Uhh...
DAN
put down the gun
TRIP
No problem, Grace, everything's hunky dory.
GRACE
Yes, I know, everything's fine.
DAN
holy god dont!
TRIP
Dan, I -- I want you to look at this photo from our recent trip to Italy...
(Grace sips her Grace's drink.)
DAN
Put the gun down!
GRACE
(impatient -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Oh no, no, go look at Trip's Italy photo...
(DAN picks up a player's drink.)
GRACE
Dan, come over here and sit on the couch with me.
TRIP
Grace...!!!
DAN
I am going to soak it with wine
DAN
The piece of stuff
(DAN sips his player's drink.)
TRIP
Now, now, Dan, in one word, what does this picture make you think of? -- (interrupted)
DAN
God thats nasty
TRIP
Well, the thing is, you see, this trip to Italy... it was our second honeymoon!
GRACE
What? Dan, Trip -- (interrupted)
DAN
It says stuffwad
(DAN sips his player's drink.)
TRIP
S -- so, uh, our -- our second honeymoon picture says...
DAN
God nasty drink
(DAN puts down a player's drink.)
TRIP
Romance! It says... romance...!
GRACE
(little sigh) Dan, I liked your answer -- (interrupted)
DAN
I would have never guessed
TRIP
N - no -- wait -- uhh, it was supposed to be romantic!
GRACE
And I missed my friend's art show.
DAN
No it isn't
GRACE
Oh, God, please, no more talk about Italy tonight... (frustrated sigh)
DAN
What a load
DAN
Grace got raped in italy
TRIP
uh... uh, heh heh...
GRACE
uh...!
TRIP
god, I don't, um...
GRACE
(nervous coughing)
TRIP
that's, uh...
GRACE
ha ha ha...
TRIP
ha ha, heh...
DAN
She didn't want to say
TRIP
ha ha ha!
GRACE
ha ha ha ha!!
TRIP
Ha ha ha, Dan,
GRACE
heh heh...
TRIP
heh, you had me going there for a sec...
DAN
yes I did
TRIP
heh, ha ha...
TRIP
You're not afraid to say anything, are you?
DAN
But it's true
TRIP
mess with us ...
TRIP
heh heh, you're crazy, heh, you know that?
DAN
Twice
TRIP
ha ha...
TRIP
(big sigh)
TRIP
Anyway, uh... what were we talking about?
DAN
Am I too close?
TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!
DAN
He is having mood swings
TRIP
Your... goddamn -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Huh? What, what -- what was that?
TRIP
You're never satisfied with anything! You're never happy, never ever satisfied with anything.
DAN
You're a figging druggie
TRIP
Okay, yeah yeah, I hear you, alright? -- (interrupted)
GRACE
(impatient sigh) -- (interrupted)
DAN
Do more crack
GRACE
What?!? That's really rude, where did that come from? You're acting crazy!
GRACE
Uhh... acting so... vulgar...
GRACE
I hate this wedding picture! I was miserable when it was taken, I hate it!
TRIP
Oh, come on...!
TRIP
My goddamn advice ball...
DAN
Trip is doing weed
TRIP
I like my advice ball, it's just a little thing I like, but you look down on it, like it's some sort of low class piece of stuff!
GRACE
Oh, God...!
DAN
like you trip
TRIP
Okay, you know what, Dan,
DAN
You're low class.
TRIP
I need to ask you something.
GRACE
Trip --
TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.
TRIP
Dan, yes or no...
TRIP
When you're married, can you try to change the other person to be even 'better' than who yourself are?
GRACE
What?
TRIP
Is it okay to try to quote-unquote 'improve' your spouse, even if you need that same improvement yourself?
TRIP
Yes or no.
DAN
Trip stop tripping. And hell no
GRACE
What...?!
GRACE
Oh, yes, that's fine... that's fine...
GRACE
Don't you see, Trip?! Our marriage... is a sham, Trip! Don't you see that? It's all fake, all pretend...
TRIP
Oh, Jesus...!
DAN
Trip you're an AI
TRIP
Uhh! Yeah, go on, get away from me!
TRIP
I can't even frigging look at you.
DAN
Grace you're a computer
TRIP
What are you saying? What?
GRACE
What, I can't hear you, are you talking to me?
TRIP
I was not talking to you!
DAN
Trip you are a computer
TRIP
Dan, this has never ever happened before...!
DAN
A damn computer
GRACE
Dan, from what you said before, about helping your spouse... I think that shows us something about Trip.
DAN
YOU ARE BOTH COMPUTERS
TRIP
Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we?
GRACE
What?
DAN
both of you
GRACE
Trip, it's your fault -- ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,
DAN
YOU TWO ARE COMPUTERS
TRIP
That's bullstuff.
GRACE
Uhh... -- (interrupted)
DAN
No
GRACE
Look, let's switch the focus to Trip.
DAN
The truth
GRACE
See, you lied to me, before we got married, when you said you liked art, that you respected me as an artist.
TRIP
I -- Dan, Uhh... -- (interrupted)
DAN
Trip, you would be supprised if I
TRIP
Uhh, I -- Grace, I don't remember what I said.
DAN
kissed you
TRIP
Look, just quit the flirting right now, I'm warning you!
TRIP
Dan, give me some advice here...!
DAN
If you don't shut up I will code
TRIP
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us both.
GRACE
Dan, you -- you blame me for all this, don't you?
DAN
Code to make me slap you
TRIP
See, Grace, you're the one turning this into such a big issue. In fact I saved you -- (interrupted)
DAN
Slap you like the hooker you are
TRIP
You know what, Dan, that's it, you need to leave.
DAN
No.
TRIP
Dan, Jesus, we've had enough, you've got to go.
DAN
You leave
DAN
Now.
DAN
Grace is stupid and you're a dork
DAN
You don't like the paintings..
TRIP
What... I -- I -- just... uhh...
DAN
because they remind you of...
DAN
The artist you had love with
DAN
The only reason I am still here is..
DAN
...is the fact that you cannot..
DAN
...handle the truth of yourselves
DAN
Trip, tell her you love her
DAN
Grace, tell him you love him
DAN
The only possible outcome is...
DAN
You get laid and she shuts up.
(DAN knocks on the front door.)
(DAN opens the front door.)
DAN
Remember the facts
(DAN knocks on the front door.)
(DAN knocks on the front door.)
DAN
You jackasses.
(DAN knocks on the front door.)
(DAN knocks on the front door.)
(DAN knocks on the front door.)
(DAN points to the elevator button.)
(DAN points to the elevator button.)
DAN
Jeez
Comatose:
I can't get my hands on my stageplays. I need help getting them.