Poll

Should I Make More Chapters?

Yes
3 (50%)
Maybe
1 (16.7%)
No
1 (16.7%)
IDK
1 (16.7%)
Other (Specify In Post)
0 (0%)

Total Members Voted: 6

Author Topic: Amber - Chapter 2 Done [9/14/10]  (Read 3306 times)

Expand your grammar and use less common words like kerfuffle,malevolent,and soigne'.

Well I used galvanized and corrugated. :P


True true

Dam straight. Also I don't mean to offend anyone but I read some other stories, some being better than mine, but some honestly were meh. So I would consider my vocabulary to be pretty good compared to those stories.

-snip-
You sir are correct.Ive read some stuffty stories(excuse my language if it affends you)but this one is pretty good.I actually felt the emotion when his "friend" was killed.

You sir are correct.Ive read some stuffty stories(excuse my language if it affends you)but this one is pretty good.I actually felt the emotion when his "friend" was killed.

Wow thanks. :D
That feedback really motivates me. In fact I'm going to go start working on chapter 2 right now. Also do note most of this I'm just pulling out of my ass. I guess I write better when I improvise rather than brainstorm.

Wow thanks. :D
That feedback really motivates me. In fact I'm going to go start working on chapter 2 right now. Also do note most of this I'm just pulling out of my ass. I guess I write better when I improvise rather than brainstorm.
Glad to help :)

If you plan on writing another part to this, you've failed at: QUOTE
the bullets entered her brain
dead chick, no fun.

If you plan on writing another part to this, you've failed at: QUOTE
the bullets entered her brain
dead chick, no fun.

Life ain't no happy fairy tale. I'm trying to look on a realistic approach on life. Although you can sure as hell bet John is going to want revenge. :/

Life ain't no happy fairy tale. I'm trying to look on a realistic approach on life. Although you can sure as hell bet John is going to want revenge. :/
Like umm.....damn!Who is that guy whos wife they killed in a punkish way.

Like umm.....damn!Who is that guy whos wife they killed in a punkish way.

She wasn't John's wife. They were just really good friends. The guy who sentenced her to death was a judge, you'll find out his name in chapter 2.

No not relating to this story.

No not relating to this story.

Oh I see. You were referring to something else. Fail reading ftw!

Chapter 2
   I was only locked up in jail for a few weeks before my release. I guess they figured they already broke me and that I wouldn't be any trouble. Sadly, they were right. I recieved a job to carry the crates off of the boats by the pier from an old man who seemed senile. Me having a job? Strange isn't it? Years flew by and soon enough I couldn't even remember my name. There was nothing worth fighting for. I survived. But I didn't live.
   I was thrity-five when the cloaked man handed me a letter at the pier while I was helping unload a small fishing boat. The letter read as, "Meet us at the pier by nightfall, we know who killed Kate." A simple spark can set a blazing flame and everyone knows nothing can stop a raging fire.
   When I arrived at the peer I was greeted by the cloaked man who was followed by two other men wearing masks over their face. They both carried automatic rifles which had a hint of rust on them. "Did Kate ever tell you she was in the resistance?" the man said as he slowly shuffled his way towards me. "Enough with the bullstuff, give me a target and I'll be on my way." I growl as I clench my teeth. The man walks up to me and grins, "You have that same energy Kate had, maybe more angry than she was, but you sure do resemble her. But as your wish, I'll get straight to the point. You know those guards that were being shipped to the marketplace? You don't honestly think you were the cause of that do you? Something big is happening and we're trying to stop it. That's where you come in. We need you, you're the only one as fast as Kate. Your target is Kathkin, the judge who sentenced Kate to her death."
   "That still doesn't explain why they killed Kate." I question as I slowly step back only to bump into one of the men carrying a weapon. "You may be oblivious to the fact that there's a resistance in your town but that doesn't apply to everyone else. Kate was soon found out and was set-up to be conspired to death. We've never been able to hit Kathkin at the right moment but a time of oppurtunity has revelead itself. Tomorrow morning Kathkin will be escorted by  only two guards through the marketplace. You get in there, kill Kathkin, then you get the hell out." One of the men carrying a rifle hands his weapon over to me. I refuse the gesture and I turned towards the man, "I don't need a gun. I'm going to strangle the bastard with my bare hands!"

Bump for love? No seriously I'd still appreciate more feedback.

Bump for love? No seriously I'd still appreciate more feedback.