Author Topic: A very good story I just read. (Read 1158 times)

Kingdaro · February 20, 2011, 02:04:58 PM

This is one of the best stories I've ever read. It features four girls that once had it all but for various reasons went broke and were unable to pay for the things they needed. They resort to becoming bank robbers, earning more and more money with each robbery, until the third one where two of the girls met their cruel demise. Betrayal and love encompasses the borders of this story, creating an all-around exciting and dramatic read.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6542139/1/Set_It_Off

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~Set It Off~

~Chapter 1: 211 In Progress~

Station Square Federal. The largest bank in Station Square. The last place where anyone thought anything bad would happen.

Well, at least in Poppy the Rabbit's mind. But this afternoon, all that would change.

"Next in line please?" asked a female brown rabbit with green eyes standing behind a counter in a bank and wearing a business suit.

Poppy had been working as a bank teller for a very long time now and she was living life great. As a matter of fact, she had received a promotion the previous week. She couldn't be any more happier.

"C'mon Poppy!" asked a female peach rabbit with chestnut-brown eyes that was standing next to Poppy. "Are you going to do it for me or not?"

Poppy laughed a bit and as she began to count up the money in front of her, she turned to the other rabbit and said. "Alright Cream, I'll fill in for you."

"Are you sure?" asked Cream, a bit of happiness in her voice.

"Yeah, you just take your little honeymoon before I change my mind alright?" said Poppy, a smile on her face.

Beaming, Cream said, "Thanks a lot!"

Poppy continued to smile at her friend as she finished counting up the right amount of money and handed it to the Mobian standing in front of her. "Here you go sir. Have a nice day."

"Thank you very much. You too," said the Mobian, a red hedgehog.

Poppy nodded her head at him and as he left, she said, "Next in line please!"

The next Mobian that walked up to the counter was a muscular brown dog, dressed in a green hoddie, black pants, and also had on a black skull cap. Poppy looked up at the dog and smiled.

"Sleuth!" she said happily. "It's great to see you! I didn't know you had an account here!" She turned around to get something out of a cabinet behind her. "As a matter of fact, I've never seen you out of the projects!"

"Sshh!" said the dog in a hushed voice. "Shut the forget up!"

Poppy, shocked to hear Sleuth speak to her like that, turned back around to see what was wrong and she froze as she looked at the dog.

Sleuth had pulled out a small hand gun and had it placed on the counter, out of anyone else's sight, and it was aimed right at Poppy.

"Empty the drawer!" Sleuth demanded in the same voice.

'Oh my God,' Poppy thought as fear began to take over her. She looked around and saw that no one else in the bank was paying attention to what was going on. Turning back to Sleuth, Poppy whispered in a quiet and scared voice. "Sleuth�Sleuth, please�don't do this�"

Sleuth roostered the hammer back on the gun, causing Poppy to gasp. "Sleuth, seriously�stop playing�"

"Nobody's playing!" said Sleuth, the anger rising in his voice. "This ain't no loving game! Empty the loving drawer!"

Poppy was getting more and more frightened as she saw the dog's grip on the gun tighten. "Sleuth�no," she said, backing up slightly. "I don't want any part of this�"

Sleuth's eyes narrowed and he turned his head to the entrance of the bank. Poppy fearfully followed his gaze and she saw a male blue cat standing by a payphone and he gave a small hand signal to Sleuth. The dog then looked behind him and Poppy saw a large muscular white wolf, who was holding a bag and reaching into his pants pocket. 'Oh no,' the rabbit thought.

At that moment, Sleuth turned around and while he waved his gun in the air, yelled out loud, "Everybody, get on the loving floor now!"

Everyone looked up, saw the gun-wielding dog, and the pandemonium began. Mobians began to scream, some got on the floor, and others made a dash for the entrance, some of them making it, some being shot for their efforts.

Poppy was scared out of her mind and as Sleuth began to keep control of the grounded Mobians, the wolf ran over, leapt onto the counter, pulled a handgun out, and pointed it point blank in her face.

"Give me the money!" he yelled at her. "Give me the money bitch!"

At the entrance of the bank, one of the security guards was about to take action, but before he could, the blue cat nearby pulled out an Uzi and hit the guard right across the face with it, knocking him down to the ground. Afterwards, he held it to the grounded Mobians to keep them under control. "C'mon y'all!" he yelled to his partners. "Let's get this money!"

Sleuth went back to Poppy, his gun pointed at her once again. "Now!"

Poppy could just stand there, completely frozen in fear. She tried to do something but she just couldn't.

"Give him the money�" said the wolf in a low, venomous voice.

Poppy still didn't move and the fear got to her so much that tears had begun to form in her eyes.

Sleuth got sick of waiting and turned around. As he looked down, a growl escaped his lips and he bent over and picked up a young, white, female cat. He wrapped his free arm around her neck from behind and pointed the gun right at her head.

"No! No!" yelled the cat, tears falling from her eyes. "Please don't kill me!"

Poppy, not wanting the cat to get hurt in any way over this, gave in and quietly said, "Okay�I'll do it."

Unfortunately, Sleuth didn't hear her over the cat's screaming and crying.

The dog, an evil look on his face, pulled the trigger and a loud bang filled the building. Poppy screamed out as she saw the bullet go flying through the cat's head and blood fly out of her wounds, some of it splattering onto her face. The cat, a blank expression on her face and wet tears still falling from her eyes, was dropped down to the floor by Sleuth as if she were a piece of trash.

The combination of being scared for her life, seeing someone killed right in front of her, and someone else's blood being on her face became too much for Poppy and she yelled out "Oh my God!" before crying hysterically.

"Don't cry now!" yelled Sleuth, his gun back being pointed at the rabbit. "Don't cry now!"

The wolf tossed the bag in his hand to the equally frightened Cream and said, "Fill it up!"

The rabbit, tears falling freely from her eyes, began to fill the bag up with all the money she could fit into it. All the while, Poppy was bawling her eyes out at what haad just transpired.

After finishing filling the bag up, Cream handed it to Sleuth and said fearfully, "Here! Take it!"

Sleuth snatched the bag and threw it to the blue cat at the entrance. Turning to the wolf, he said, "C'mon Drago! Let's go!"

At that moment, a security guard appeared from the opposite side of the bank, pulled out a gun, and opened fire at the robbers. Sleuth and the blue cat hit the ground while Drago fired back at the guard with his own gun. Eventually, the guard fired a shot at Drago that hit him right in his neck. As the bullet with in Drago's throat and out from behind his neck, blood flew out of the wound and the wolf fell off the counter right beside Poppy and Cream, dead. Poppy's crying just became that much more hysterical at seeing yet another dead body.

Sleuth and the blue cat opened fire at the security guard, who tried to take refuge in an office room just nearby. However, the office had large glass windows that weren't bulletproof and the bullets easily penetrated them, shattering the glass and hitting the guard countless times in his back. The guard's body jerked from the impact of the bullets hitting him and blood flew from out of his wounds before falling back out of the window and down to the ground and continued to bleed until he took his last breath, his eyes still wide open.

After killing the security guard, the blue cat, bag of money in hand, bolted out of the bank. Sleuth, on the other hand, was leaving as well but he continued to wave his gun at the downed Mobians, having his back turned and not knowing what was happening behind him. "Stay down! All of you stay the forget down!"

As the dog reached the exit, he turned around and was shot twice in the chest by the guard that the blue cat had knocked down just moments before. The dog let out pained yells before a third shot from the guard hit him in his head, instantly killing him and dropping him down to the ground, blood protruding from him like a river.

After all the damage had been done and it was safe for everyone to move, the Mobians began to raise off the ground and they all looked around in shock at all that had happened around them. As they began to weep and hold each other, thankful that they were still alive, Poppy was curled up behind the counter, holding her knees and still crying and shaking.

Hours later after the robbery and after night fell over Station Square, Poppy was sitting in the shot up office of the bank, two police officers and the bank administrators there as well. She had been asked many questions by the police and answered them truthfully and was still in the middle of questioning.

"Alright, alright, let's take it from the top," said one of the officers, a red echidna. He sat down in a chair beside Poppy and leaned back in it. "Now, how well did you know the perpetrator?"

"I just knew Sleuth from around the way is all," answered Poppy, who was still breathing a bit heavily. "We lived in the same projects."

The echidna, Knuckles, turned to look at Poppy and asked her, "Poppy, will you do me a favor? Just tell me one thing, and we'll get out of here."

Taking a few deep breaths, Poppy said, "Sure."

"What's the procedure when you're being robbed?" Knuckles asked her in a serious tone.

Poppy was almost in disbelief at what Knuckles asked her. "Look sir�"

"Stop!" shouted Knuckles, cutting her off. "Now, what's the procedure when you're being robbed?"

Poppy was slightly thrown off by Knuckles shouting at her and she didn't know what to say at first so she looked around and saw the bank administrators and the other officer, a pink, female echidna, looking right at her, waiting for her to answer.

Turning back to Knuckles, and after seeing the seriousness on his face, Poppy answered. "You pull the money clip�from your right-hand drawer�and then you signal with your left hand."

"So you know the procedure?" asked Knuckles.

"Yes! Like I said, the procedure has been told to me over a million times!" Poppy replied in a strained voice.

"So why is it�" began Knuckles. "�if that procedure has been drummed into your head a million times, you got that procedure down, why wouldn't you follow it? Huh?"

"Because he had a gun!" said Poppy, clearly hurt and angry at why he would ask such a question. "A-And I went for my clip, but he shot her! He shot her right in front of me!"

Knuckles gave Poppy a look before standing up and going to stand beside Julie-Su, the other police officer.

"Ms. Poppy," said one of the bank administrators, an elderly badger. "I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. The fact that you knew the perpetrator doesn't sit well with us."

Poppy's tear-stained eyes went wide and she turned to look at the badger. "Wait wait wait, that's not right! I haven't done anything wrong!" she exclaimed. "I can't help who I know! Sir, just last week you gave me a promotion and now you're going to take my job away because of something like this!"

"What about the next time one of your friends decides to rob the bank?" the badger asked. "How do we know you're not in collusion?"

Something inside Poppy snapped and she got as angry as she had ever been in her life. "Collusion?" she asked as she stood up from her seat and walked up to the badger to look him in his face. "Collusion? Let me tell you something, I am here at 8:20 sharp in the morning every day, I work my ass off for you until quitting time! Yesterday I counted two hundred, forty thousand dollars by hand for you! That's how you should know!"

Then the rabbit turned around and looked at everyone. "I mean, c'mon! This is just not right!" Getting back in the badger's face, Poppy shouted, "I nearly got my head blown off in your tired-ass loving bank! And you're going to fire me!"

"Poppy, calm down�," the badger began.

"Don't you loving tell me to calm down!" yelled the rabbit.

There was nothing but silence in the office between the Mobians. The only thing that could be heard was the sirens coming from the outside of the bank. Poppy glared at the badger for a few seconds before she shook her head, walked over to pick up her purse, and began to walk out of the office. When she reached the doorway, she looked over at Julie-Su, who was drinking a cup of water the whole time.

"They didn't even bother to ask me if I was thirsty," Poppy said in a broken voice as she made her way out of the office.

Knuckles and Julie-Su watched as the rabbit walked across the destroyed main hallway and out of the building. "She was involved," said Knuckles. "I want everything you have on her."

~End of Chapter 1~

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Qwepir · February 20, 2011, 02:17:00 PM

>HAVE to read this
>fanfiction.net
absolutely not.

Stick Man · February 20, 2011, 02:22:28 PM

I came, I saw fanfiction.net link, [inserts signature].

LizzyRascal · February 20, 2011, 02:23:38 PM

I like funny stories. Sorry.

Kingdaro · February 20, 2011, 02:27:14 PM

It shouldn't matter where it's hosted, it's a very excellent read. I'll go ahead and post the first chapter since you people are so reluctant to click it.

Stick Man · February 20, 2011, 02:32:27 PM

*examines fanfic*
*stares at particular name "poppy the rabbit" and afterwards "female brown rabbit"*

Kingdaro · February 20, 2011, 02:39:29 PM

I'd appreciate it if you guys would read the story instead of hating it because of the attributes surrounding it.

MasterLemons · February 20, 2011, 05:37:45 PM

In 5th grade, I read this book called "Danger in the Desert" by T.S Fields. It was amazing, and very creative.

keonesan · February 20, 2011, 06:03:15 PM

I skimmed through this is and... What?

Sonic + Vulgar Language + Murder + Guns + !?!?! = The forget did I just read?

For the writing though I felt it was written in a very mediocre fashion. The chapter consists almost entirely out of dialogue rather than visually explaining the scenario or presenting character actions.

The dialogue itself was written in a very cliche' manner and it seemed like I didn't get any emotion or knowledge out of any of the characters.

Sefou · February 20, 2011, 06:04:39 PM

Fan fiction is a thing that shouldn't exist and you should feel bad for propagating it.

Kingdaro · February 20, 2011, 06:07:34 PM

Quote from: keonesan on February 20, 2011, 06:03:15 PM

I appreciate that you actually freaking came close to reading it.

Quote from: Sefou on February 20, 2011, 06:04:39 PM

Fan fiction is a thing that shouldn't exist and you should feel bad for propagating it.

This statement...

Ugh.

Why is it that people like you believe that all humans have to have the same likes and interests?

Did you even take two seconds to glance at the story before hurling your bs my way?

keonesan · February 20, 2011, 06:11:49 PM

Quote from: Kingdaro on February 20, 2011, 06:07:34 PM

I appreciate that you actually freaking came close to reading it.

Thanks?

Quote from: Kingdaro on February 20, 2011, 06:07:34 PM

This statement...

Ugh.

Why is it that people like you believe that all humans have to have the same likes and interests?

Did you even take two seconds to glance at the story before hurling your bs my way?

I somewhat agree with his statement but not as extreme. Fan fiction is alright in a light-hearted way to throw out some ideas to the fan community but shouldn't be written as a novel.

A well-written piece should include your own ideas and creativity. Borrowing characters and scenarios from other games, movies, books, etc. is almost plagiarism.

Kingdaro · February 20, 2011, 06:16:23 PM

Quote from: keonesan on February 20, 2011, 06:11:49 PM

A well-written piece should include your own ideas and creativity. Borrowing characters and scenarios from other games, movies, books, etc. is almost plagiarism.

I kind of agree with this. What makes it okay is the way they used it to make a good read. I'm full-on with originality, but I'm good as long as it satisfies me.

However if it's pretty much replicating the story and origins of the character taken, then that's where I draw the line.

Seems that my line is much further away than yours.

Bloody Mary · February 20, 2011, 06:17:41 PM

Wait, sonic fanfiction? I feel unclean just from clicking the page.

Kingdaro · February 20, 2011, 06:29:02 PM

Locking due to prejudging idiots.