I figured it out.
Turns out that because I had the x64 bit version, compatibility was null. It has to do with file paths. Because I have TWO Program Files (Program Files (x84) and Program Files), some directory specifications are forgeted up. Also, I had a Blender whose Python lookup was for 2.6.1. I installed a 2.6.3 as directed in a YouTube video, and it worked! But apparently the exporter didn't like the x64 bit version of Blender OR the Python. So I downgraded to the regular Blender 2.49b WITHOUT 64 bit. Problem solved. It worked. Demian, don't come back saying the version has nothing to do with it because it has EVERYTHING to do with it.