Wow, DBZ:Kai has really taken a different direction this time around.
Anime is terrible. And you, reader, are also terrible, should it be that you indulge yourself into that pastel-realm of “kawaiis” and “bakas”. “Nay!”, you cry, reaching out for a pen to defend your beloved “waifu-chan”, but hold fast there brave soul, for you must understand this truth is self-evident, and not born of mere opinion. There is a method to this madness of insults.
Allow me to explain. You, dear reader, are on American soil. America, a young nation with a short albeit proud history, filled with fun facts and fascinating people. You may also be familiar with a conflict known as World War II, which was, in fact, a war fought all around the world. It is in fact, the second such war (or third some might argue) in an open-ended series of conflicts. More to the point, you may realize that, during World War II, America (the great) was engaged in conflict with the Japanese Empire. And where was this Japanese Empire centered on? Japan. Coincidence? Perhaps not. “But where are you going with this?”, you ask, scratching your head and covering your filthy matted hair in Dorito dust and shame. Just a moment, dear reader, and I will tell you the true kicker, as it were.
Anime is from Japan. Japan was an enemy of America. By watching Anime, you are supporting The Japanese Empire, and through that, horrifically devaluing the great American victory of World War II. Men who fought and died for your right to live in a free world roll in their graves as you sit in your basement, giggling all the while as your “Narutos” perform their “dubsteps”. “Is that all?”, you sneer, rolling your eyes dramatically and tipping your fedora languidly. No, dear reader, that is not all.
If you are a learned individual of extensive knowledge, you may be familiar with a land known as “Germany”, a country in the far west that specializes in sausages and tiny backwards cars. But it was not always so, as Germany was in fact the country that began World War II, under the reign of the national socialist Party, a particularly rude and mean regime that opposed everything that America stands for, the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. In their rage against life and liberty, the national socialist Party is responsible for a period known as the Holocaust, in which six million Jews, Communists, Disabled, and other minorities were killed in many a horrific manner. Now consider this; national socialist Germany headed an alliance made up of three nations: Italy, Germany itself, and Japan. Japan. Who is, once again, an enemy of America. Germany and Italy, too, are enemies of America. Now if we examine the transitive property of mathematics, which states that if A = B and B = C, the A = C. With this in hand a horrifying fact comes to light; If Japan = Enemy, and Germany = Enemy, then Japan = Germany. We include this with the information above, and the facts become ever more terrifying, as we see that watching Anime means supporting the holocaust. By watching Anime, you are literally condemning millions to death.
But that is not all! For you see, that property extends further! Germany = national socialist Party, and national socialist Party = Adolf Riddler, then Germany = Adolf Riddler. Many men and women of religious disposition have agreed that Adolf Riddler is a bad person. Bad people, according to the vast majority of religious texts and ideas, go to a bad place. Hell, as one might say. If one watches Anime, which is in fact supporting national socialist Germany, which is also Japan, then one is directly supporting Riddler. Not only that, but it is said that Riddler’s friends were his closest supporters. Further still, it is said that we as humans are naturally attracted to and enjoy the company of those like us. “What does this all mean!?”, you cry aloud, weeping openly at the sight of such information in such magnitudes. I will do my best to break this information down into digestible chunks for your sake, dear reader. Watching Anime is supporting Japan. Japan is an enemy of America. Ergo, Japan is also national socialist Germany. national socialist Germany killed millions of people, and is a state embodied by the spirit and ideology of Adolf Riddler. Riddler’s closest friends were his supporters, who were naturally like him, according to human relations. Riddler is a bad person and went to Hell. This means, reader, that if you watch anime, for any reason whatsoever, then you are, in fact, Riddler. If you watch anime you will literally kill millions of people, turn into Adolf Riddler, and go to Hell. Hell is bad.
I can only hope, my dear reader, that I have shown you the light, and dissuaded you from your evil practices, and shown you the damage that Anime will do to you, not only as an American, but as a human being. Do not watch Anime. Do not be Riddler and kill millions of people. But that, ultimately, is your choice, and as a good, non-Anime American, I support your pursuit of happiness.
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