Off Topic > Games
Mah first creepypasta
auzman466:
Truly an atrocious piece. Let me sum it up for those who don't want to lose IQ points. (And give a little review for the creature that wrote it)
Guy goes to friend's mom's house. Mom says he's at his dorm. (Complete waste of a paragraph. Dialogue was written completely wrong. lern 2 grammar)
Guy arrives at dorm. Friend is talking with other friends about Ocarina of Time. Friend (BTW HIS NAM IS BEN) waves cartridge around. Guy notices the cartridge label looks different. Everyone but Ben and Guy leaves. (Terrible attempt at plot development, horrible attempt at using an appositive, more fail dialogue.)
More horrible dialogue. They play game. Scary stuff happens. TO BE CONTINUED. (Just... no...)
TheScout:
WHAT THE forget IS PUNCTUATION GUYS
Freek:
creppypasta by freek
i was playing pokemon on my DS and then oh no my mewtwo evolved! that can't happen so that's why i was scared.
the end
Khorde:
Please complete Middleschool English before writing ever again, please an thank-you.
The story was monotonous throughout and it made me feel like I knew exactly what was going to happen.
The various oddities (i.e. the shield design and 2 and a half hearts) did not add any form of "creepy" to this story. It felt bland and made up on the spot. This story couldn't shake a leaf.
It didn't even feel like a Zelda creepypasta. Sure you mentioned the game, some, but the stuff was focused on your fursona wolfy mcdoggy dog. No backstory on the wolf? Where did the cart come from? Why was it modded by furries? What's going on in this thread?
A story has a strong beginning, middle, and end.
Hiiro326:
GUYYYYS RATE MY CREEPY PASTA I WORKED HARD