These children, being the future of the world, are the most important asset to the generations that precede them.
Remove the appositive and restructure the sentence. Appositives suck richard.
Without the correct process, we could leave several million prospective graduates scrambling to compete internationally, setting back not only our country but society as a whole.
Confusing wording and writing style. Restructure it to be more concise or break it into two separate sentences.
Unfortunately, the drafters of No Child Left Behind have tried to reinvent the education system very fast without taking a step back to see how the changes affect anything.
Your word choice of 'very fast' is pretty poor. Use a better word/term. Also, what is 'anything' in this context? Be more specific.
As a result, they leave us with a rushed, ill-considered design that is not applicable to a significant portion of schools.
One such flaw is the pressure of standardized testing on teachers.
This is a weak topic sentence for paragraph in a persuasive essay. Start with something like, "One of the many inherent flaws in NCLB is the extreme pressure put on teachers to administer standardized tests."
Teachers are forced to make the majority of the curriculum based on the test's information and practice memorizing the information in order to ensure that the school will have adequate funding.
What is 'the information'? This is really ambiguous, and I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say.
Less time is spent on critical thinking, creative writing, or fulfilling learning.
What does 'fulfilling learning' mean? This sounds like a meaningless buzzword.
Content that won’t be on these tests is made secondary or eliminated completely, content that may be important otherwise.
I see what you're trying to say here, but this can be worded
much better. Try rewriting it to say something like: "Concepts and objectives that are omitted from these standardized tests are held at a lower priority. Because of this, students may be deprived of essential knowledge simply because of standardized testing procedures."
