This is something I realized a while ago and haven't really shared it on the internet. I guess the forums is a good place to say this: Chairs are one of the most untrustworthy inanimate objects of all time.
To start, how many times have you been hurt by a chair? I've hit my nose once on a coffee table, and that was because I fell off the chair I was standing on. I've also been pinched, scraped, and received splinters from chairs. Second, chairs work for the government. I know it sounds like I'm bullstuffting you, but think about it! How do you think the NSA gets all of their information? Hidden cameras? IP address tracking? Sam Fisher? Nope, the chair your sitting in is recording everything you say and sending it directly to the nearest undercover FBI agent. That's why it's good courtesy to push your chair in when you're not using it. It muffles the sounds they can hear. Third, have you ever heard a chair tell the truth? Exactly. Chairs are constantly lying to you about everything. Sure, people make the argument that they've never heard a chair talk. To which I respond, ever seen "The Thing?" Ever noticed how the person who actually is the thing never talks?
Yeah, I just blew your mind.
TL;DR go back and read it.
