also i don't know why but the reason i come back every time is because i have some sort of addiction to this community. i'm trying to get off of it, but i just can't.
I can relate to this. If it wasn't for this, I would not be on the forums as often as I am. However, if I was being hated on, I would not like to be here. I'd try to avoid this site. You don't seem to have that thought, which is hurting your reputation more, because you continue to act stupid.
Also, you said that you don't "censor your thoughts" around 11-12 at night. Okay, sure, that's understandable too. But why did you have this thought in the first place? To make someone KILL THEMSELVES?